TICHINA ARNOLD:WHY CAN’T WE SPANK OUR CHILDREN?
It’s the number one question posed by many parents, “Why can’t we spank our kids?” Actress Tichina Arnold is no different from many parents as she would like to know why she can’t spank her four-year-old daughter Alijah when she misbehaves. As told by Tichina(very long read but worth it):
I’ve got to be brutally honest here. I think it’s a shame that law enforcement can get away with beating your children and we as parents; CAN’T! I do realize this particular touchy subject matter has been discussed many times but I am still yet awaiting an honest and true answer.
My life as a Hollywood mom goes from one extreme to the next (as you all may have read and will continue to read). As you can see, one day, I am scared to death about losing my daughter to an asthma attack and then a few days later, I want to spank her little behind because she take liberties that have not been given, such as being totally out of control and not paying attention to any of my pleadings. Imagine, now the ADULT has been forced to beg the CHILD to obey. Isn’t motherhood CRAZY?!
Okay let me tell you what happened; The hard drive on my laptop crashed the other night, and I must say, I can’t THINK correctly without having access to my computer. It has all of my music, videos and pictures of my daughter, family and friends… Ok, Ok, the part of this story that is missing is that I, (like a dummy) had not backed up my hard drive in 123 DAYS! So I stood the chance of losing all of those precious valuables and memories of my daughter. I am a gadget QUEEN. I love playing with all of the latest inventions that technology has to offer. So when my laptop crashed, I temporarily lost my mind. To my surprise, I found an Apple store that stays open 24 hours. That particular evening, my mom so happened to be at church, so I had Alijah all to myself and had to take her with me. Now I am fully aware of how Alijah performs when it gets late and if she gets too tired unfortunately, since this was an emergency I did not have an appointment at Apple, so I had to be put on a 2 hour waiting list. I was desperate. I took Alijah for a walk to get something to eat so that I could avoid her cutting up on me. Well to my dismay, my precautionary measures did NOT circumvent the inevitable. Alijah cut up, turned it out and tore it up so bad in that store. She went far beyond the call of badness. I just wanted to run out of the Apple store and abort my mission but the fear of me losing all of the valuables on my hard drive was stronger; so I stayed.
Now that Alijah is taller, smarter and extremely articulate, some of her antics are not cute anymore…at least not to me. I will admit, when she does something funny, I crack the hell up. We both LOVE to laugh and make each other laugh as well. But that night she knew she’d given one of her best performances she was totally out of control and had a full fledged audience with all eyes on her…Does anybody feel me?! I must admit, for her age, Alijah is extremely funny, witty, outgoing, expressive, creative and smart as hell. With the right encouragement and support, she is going to reach heights I can’t even imagine but I am in total anticipation of the incredible strides that I know she will make. That is why I am trying to teach her how to deal with her emotions and reactions to real life situations, so that she can become a responsible adult. I do not want her to believe that she can get away with whatever she wants. I am teaching her a little word called “consequence”. Our children quickly get accustomed to positive consequences, but these days rarely experience the negative ones.
When I was growing up, my experience of a negative consequence was a SPANKING or some of you may call it a good old “beating”. My mom would never embarrass me, but she would give me that “evil eye” and I KNEW what was coming next…I learned how important it was to respect the “evil eye.” My aunt once told me she gave Alijah the evil eye and Alijah gave it right back to her. Now don’t misunderstand me, I do not think that ALL children need physical chastisement, but I do believe that every now and then that some kids DO. That’s including my child. I tried the “time out” thing with Alijah, and it DID NOT WORK. She was way too smart for the time out thing. I have a little trick that I do in order to control Alijah in public. I will share it with you at a later time if you are interested!
Unfortunately, some adults have abused children in unthinkable ways. That is WRONG! I do not in any way condone the abuse of children in any shape, form or manner. I do realize that times have drastically changed. We have children raising children. No longer do we have old and wise people challenging us to correct our bad ways. Instead we have young adults disrespecting, robbing and beating our seniors.
I always tell my family and friends, if you see Alijah doing something wrong, CORRECT her by telling her what she has done wrong. Don’t just sit back and allow her to be disrespectful otherwise she will never learn. We as parents should not feel ashamed, embarrassed or scared about going to JAIL for correcting our children. Alijah is MINE and I do not want her to suffer because I did not do my job as a parent. I’d rather fix the problem now instead of the cruel world doing it for me later.
I watched helplessly, while my housekeeper of 11 years, lost her son to a gang. I knew that little boy since he was three. They were and still are a part of my family. To be 14 years old and shot in the head in front of your house is something I NEVER want ANY mother to experience. I remember the day she cried to me that she and her husband were losing control of their son. I remember the day she came to work happy because she convinced her son to stay in the house and away from the gang, but not more that 24 hrs later, a few members of the gang walked in her house and TOOK her son. He was dead 4 days later.
We are living in evil times people. Things are getting worse. Some of these young people have NO FEAR. I do realize some people do things because they were abused and beaten. It is a vicious cycle. Where is that careful balance of love and chastisement?
It starts with US. What can we do about that?
74 Comments to “TICHINA ARNOLD:WHY CAN’T WE SPANK OUR CHILDREN?”
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there is nothing wrong with spankings …its how you do it
1.tell the child that you dont like what they are doing and they need to correct the behavior and what there punishement is going to be if they dont
2.If the child continues the bad behavior follow through with the punishment and tell them if they do it again that they will get a spanking.
3. if the child continues to act up follow through with the spanking.
the key is to ALWAYS do what you say …so if your child is misbehaving and you tell them that if they dont stop that they wont be able to warch tv for the rest of the night you have to follow thorugh and if you dont then your children will never take you seriously.
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I agree. I have a friend that sell her kids wolf tickets & don’t follow through, so the children are of the chain. They know she’s not going to do anything, so they run over her.
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Love It…
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I agree…these disrespectful kids grow up to be disrespectful adults. I THANK my mom for my spankings along with the long lectures and the punishments. Had she chose just one, I don’t think I would have paid her any mind to be quite honest.
My mom and dad told me yes, they do spank me, out of LOVE. To learn and respect boudaries and rules. For others, it’s a tool of endearmeant(i.e. the police, gangs, ect.). It’s very important that your child respects you and others.
Today parents have to have a discussion about cleaning your room. It’s not up for discussion…YOU DO IT. That’s the 1st lesson in being a responsible adult, knowing how to take care of your things. But this has to be enforced by the parents, not the law. They can barely control what’s going on in the streets and now they want to control what’s going on on in the household? Crazy. This is not for abusive parents, AT ALL. But for parents like Tachina and so forth.
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Q…I agree. You have to stay on your children.
The problem I have with my friend, she also allows her kids to be in grow folks face when she has company. I have a BIG problem with that.
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That is some mess and the parent needs to be ashame. But what about the parents who let’s or teach their babies or toddlers to curse. WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! The little joker can barely talk but he/she knows 5 or 6 curse words. These DUMB parents are building the vocabulary of these small children with nothing but MESS. What happened to the ABC’s?? God Help Us!
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I’m 17 and i’m still afraid to disrespect any adult. I wasn’t even allowed to say “yeah”, “nope”, and “naw”, and if I did I would quickly be put in check and be told “I am not your friend, so don’t talk to me like i’m your age!”. Even to this day my 31 year old brother says ma’am. On the other hand, my nephew curses better than he talks, but my brother finds it funny. I told him about it, and I try and correct this problem each time but this has to start with the parents. The child’s mother disciplines him but he thinks it’s funny. It won’t be so funny when he is in school cursing out the teacher. He’s 2 and he has good sense, but that doesn’t mean I (because Lord knows his daddy won’t do it) won’t tear his butt up. I spanked him with a spatula (I was cooking with a different one) yesterday because he wanted to show off, he sat down and I didn’t have another problem out of him. I love him to death but a child needs to show respect for authority.
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Those parents need to be beat down. Most of the young parents don’t even know how to raise children. Because they are children themselves. It’s a vicious cycle. To think that cursing at a very young age is cute is very ignorant. Let’s see how the parents feel when thi=eir child starts cursing them out in public.
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How old is her daughter, again?
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I was always afraid of “the shoe.” If I started in, my mom would say through her clenched teeth, “Don’t you make me take off my shoe!” Nobody wants to get beat in public with a a Candies shoe, lol!! That was enough for me to find a seat and sit there quietly.
On a more productive note, things always seem to go a little smoother when there is an activity. After a couple of episodes, mom made sure that I carried a little Garfield tote bag containing a book, coloring book, crayons, etc.
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The evil eye worked on me too. Thing about spankings is it doesn’t take too many to be effective unless dealing with a small child or one that’s not right in the head LOL. Only got a few spankings in my lifetime because I wouldn’t go pass the eye and knew not to say hey if I cut up, she’ll just give me the eye because my mother would catch on to that with the quickness:)
It’s unfortunate because of abuse chastisement is viewed as abuse when the two are very different creatures. I don’t know of anyone that was truly chastise as a child who felt as if they were abused. Usually we’re all sitting around cracking jokes about it saying how grateful we are to our parents for doing so.
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i’m 26 years old and i have no children. with that said i do believe that just like everything else in the world there is a time and place for everything. My mother and my father put the FEAR of god in me and my younger brother to the point where i knew not to play. til this day my mom can give me that eye and i get scared..another problem that parents have is that they try to bargain or reason with the child HELL NO you are the parent they are the child No Reasoning what so ever. When i was didnt clean my room there was NO NEGOTIATING it was “look dont make me tell you again bc the next time AINT GONE BE PRETTY” i remember my brother showing off in walmart and my mom tore his tail up and some lady was like thats abuse, my mom was like abuse is me not spanking him and letting him do whatever and when he grows up to be a Juevenile Deliquent and i have to vistit him in jail that abuse”lol SO on that note i say have a HINDPOTS PARTY some of you old ppl know what a hindpots is..LMAO!!
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I got a spanking or a smack in the mouth all the time. I had a HORRIBLE mouth and would disrespect my mother even in public. I was bona-fide bad. Well, those spankings would get my attention and thought me how to speak my mind in a non-disrespectful way. My mother and I are now the best of friends and I no longer talk to her like that.
key things: I was never hit in public or in front of family (this embarrasses the child and evokes rebellion) and I was never hit out of anger (this makes the child feel that their parent is tripping and they forget that they were the one who was wrong), and I was never spanked by anyone but my mother (no one should ever put their hand on your child but you otherwise there is no consistency and the chid will be confused and just scared).
But, for some kids, a time-out is all they needed. I was never punished. You can’t enforce both; that’s just mean.
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Lord knows my mom didn’t spare the rod on our behinds either, but we knew she loved us. It wasn’t fun at the time, but I thank God that my mom because we knew when to tow the line. She didn’t always spank right off the bat. She corrected us first with the “evil eye” and if we ignored it, it was on and poppin. I love her for that.
It’s funny how they want to make it illegal to spank your child, but if they act up with the police, they won’t hesitate to tear into that behind. How come the police can execute discipline, but the parent can’t (I’m speaking more to teens, not children). The government needs to keep its noses out of people’s affairs and let parents take care of business, and I’m not talking about abuse. That’s another story. Anyone who abuses a child, in my opinion, should be put to death. I hate child abusers.
Tichina sounds like an excellent mother. She’s teaching her daughter consequences and is preparing her for the real world. Great job, T. I’m sure your pretty baby girl will grow out of it.
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WELL SAID. I AGREE!!!!!!
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I do not spank my children and they are ALL very well behaved. In face the “problem” children in our school are the very ones who get “spanked.” As a community, we need to let go of the slave mentality of beating what you want out of our kids. Our kids are at the bottom of everything except the prison population. That tells you something is very wrong in the culture. If it aint working then we need to fix it. It is time out for this nonsense. Our young men take this mentality to the streets and beat, shoot and rob what they want from people. ENOUGH!!!
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I commend you for having such great parenting skills but every child is different. It is unfair to say that children who have been spanked are the “problem kids” in our schools and communities is not fact and I would be interested in seeing your definitive proof regarding your statement. To the contrary, when I acted up in school and my parents had to be called, the teacher did not expect my mother to kindly talk to me or give me a “Time Out”. That teacher expected my parents to do whatever necessary to prevent my misbehaving in school. Trust my when I came back to school, THE PROBLEM WAS CORRECTED, and I’m still living to tell you this so they didn’t kill me (LOL) but they did got the message across that misbehaving in school would not be tolerated. I feel that it is the lack of discipline that is the reason why we have “problem kids” in our schools and communities. Discipline comes in different forms and does not always require spanking but just like a traffic ticket or crime, different fees and punishment are determine by the actual violation. Children were spanked in the bible day so to say that the decision to spank is an inherited behavior of having a slave mentality is a poor a assumption. Each parent is TOTALLY responsible for the correct upbringing of his/her child. What works for and your kids may not work for me and mine. Yes, I was spanked with a belt growing up and since I’ve had my daughter, I made a personal and individual decision not to use anything other than my bare (open) palm to spank my daughter, if and when need but do I think my parents wrong for using a belt, No. My parents did what was necessary to keep me in line, when necessary. I wish you the best of luck with your well discipline children.
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Ok first off it has nothing to do with slavery let me tell you spanking is not bad beating is bad. When your child is out of line they need correction and in not all situations the child will be spanked and then you are putting them in a lil box well they going to grow up and beat and rob other people this is crazy to think that there is kids that have never been spanked and still in trouble with the law black white and all of the above.
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Yancy, it has EVERYTHING to do with slavery. Itz not a coincidence that groups that were subjected to any type of slavery not only accept but encourage corporal punishment. The REAL problem that stems from the legacy of slavery is that these groups have internalized spankings as acceptable and effective which is why in most cases the behavior the guardian or parent is seeking from the child actually ceases. Other groups without a history of slavery have not INTERNALIZED spanking as acceptable and when these children are spanked IT DOESNT WORK on them. Don’t get me wrong, I used to get spanked and for a long time thought that I would spank my children once I had them. But I double majored in college and took black history and psychology courses in college and did research and everything I found including personal experiences and interviews convinced me that our people accept spanking as a link to our past without even knowing it.
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You are wrong. The reason they are at the top of the prison population is because there was no discipline in the home. You can discipline in love. when a child know the parents care about them, then they will not likely be so ready to act up. All children do not need spankings. (good for you that you don;t have to spank yours) But most do! Another reason is because most times there is no father in the home and the poor mother is trying to do everything be herself. and it gets to be too much. There is a reason the Father above mandated that there be a mother and a father in the home–. When we get away from what was originally meant for us to do as parents, thats when all Hell breaks loose.
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A couple pats on the butt is spanking and fine. But if you have the child baring bruises and you use foreign objects such as wires, and paddles that’s ABUSE.
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But then I never got spanked when I was a kid,well not from kindergarden and above.I don’t have any memories before that age.. Got like 3 swats in the mouth though, then again I was a calmer child.
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There is a saying that says, “Spare the rod, spoil the child”, now I don’t suggest you use a ROD (LOL) but my bare hand on my almost 3 year old daughter works wonders. For any Bible believer, there are many verses in the bible that instruct us to discipline our children. Here are two: Prov 19:18: “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” And Prov 29:15: “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Today, most parents are so busy trying to be friends with their kids or liked by them that they fail as parent and that is why we are losing control of so many of our youth. Now, I do not want Kennedi (my daughter) to be afraid of me and most of the time “The Eye” usually works but I want Kennedi to know and understand that if she gets out of line, there will be consequences and that Mommy will have to get her back in line. I was whipped growing up and although I didn’t like it then, I thank God that my parents, Grandma and Aunts loved me enough to correct me when I’m wrong. Now, I don’t whip Kennedi for every little thing she does but a REAL mother knows when it’s time to take their form of disciplinary actions to the next level. Let your child know, once she/he has stopped crying (LOL) that Mommy’s loves them but did not like their actions. They may not fully understand at the moment but at some point in their life, they will and may even later in life thank you for it. PARENTS – We need to regain control of our children because if we don’t someone else will.
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There is a clear difference in discipline and abuse. I don’t think when people use the word “beating”, they are actually BEATING their children. Done properly, spanking is very effective. Not all children need to be spanked. We use the word “spanking” in our family and it usually means a couple of swats on the butt or legs. I was spanked. I’m not an overly aggressive person, I’m not afraid of my parents (I do respect them), I’m not violent and I don’t abuse my children. For most children a swat is sufficient and after that, the threat of a pop will do the trick.
Actually, where I am, spanking is NOT illegal and allegations of abuse have to be proven. Swats that don’t leave a mark are perfectly acceptable under the law here.
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I believe a mother or father should spank a child.For example a really close girlfriend of mine has a daughter that is eight or nine and she is bad!!!! the mom think it is cute and her daughter doesn’t do any wrong.I was in the car and the mother ran into the store for a minute the daughter kept hitting me and i’m telling her to stop but she didn’t listen so i kindly told her that i’m a grown a!! women and she had one more time to hit me she didn’t hit me a again but i knew not to tell her mom because she will not believe her daughter would do that I don’t go to her house because of her daughter and i dread when they come to my house because she can’t keep her hands to herself.
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Great story. Thanks for sharing Tichina! I agree with all that you have said. I have a hard time understanding why so many people consider “spanking” to be child abuse. I believe that spankings can go a long why, just like you said: teaching the child consequences. Of course physical discipline is not always the appropriate action, but I definitely plan to spank my kids when necessary.
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Realist-
my friend does the same thing! I think it’s crazy because as adults, our topics can go from one extreme to the next. Why would you want your CHILD soaking that in at such a young age? Also, this little girl doesn’t have a set bed time, which is crazy. How is she supposed to perform well in school the next day if she doesn’t get her proper rest??? Then the parent will be frustrated and possibly take it out on the child, when they should have set a bed time in the first place to possibly avoid that type of behavior.
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I’m happy my mom spanked me as a child, because of that I don’t act out like I see other teens and young adults acting out today. I think parents should be allowed to spank their children, because kids these days are bad as hell. I know a few myself that I wish I could just get my hands on, LOL. But I agree with Tichina Arnold.
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All children don’t need a spanking but there are definately those that only respond to fear.
My daughter never needed a spanking she could be disciplined through lessons. She stole money from my purse to buy candy from school. The thing was Halloween just passed so she didn’t need to buy candy she had a ton of it at home. She just wanted to buy candy from school like her friends were doing. Her punishment was to eat A TON of her Halloween candy. My husband told her that since she liked candy so much then she could eat it. ALL OF IT!! She sat there thinking this isn’t a punishement and was all pumped until she wanted to stop and he wouldn’t let her. She never stole from me or anyone else again.
My son on the other he needed HANDS. He’s very light complexioned so he did bruise from a spanking. My husband would use a shoe to spank him. He’d have the print of the shoe on his but. OH WELL. His teacher saw a bruise and didn’t do anything cause she knew he wasn’t being abused and he deserved that butt whipping. The boy was a mess. My son is 10 now and hasn’t had a whipping in probably 2 years. Between the ages of 4 to 7 he was always acting up. Running through the clothes at the store. Playing outside instead of going to class. Lying, Sneaking everything. He would get warned over and over and over then he’d get that butt tapped.
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A shoe???……A hand probably could’ve sufficed.
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Omg don’t get me started!!! My son is a year and a half and my mother won’t correct him about anything, just last week he took his crayons and drew all over the tiles on the floor and she just sat there and said “I will clean it” Of course I chastised him, and her, he did it again and again and he got spanked then I told him to sit down! And he did, and guess what, he didn’t do it again cause mama don’t play.
I love my mother but her attitude is the kind of attitude that many many people have and it is ruining our boys and girls. There needs to be consequences for bad behavior! You can love a child and still correct it, whether it’s the “evil eye”, time-outs, speaking to them sternly or spanking them. If you don’t love them, you’d let them do whatever they want, I’m sorry but that’s what I feel. We’re adults, and we know that in this life you can’t do everything you want to do, we have to follow rules, whether it be traffic rules, religious rules, job rules or just moral rules.
I have no issues at all with spanking as long as that’s all it is if it escalates to that point…. spanking, not flogging, not bruising the children, and spanking shouldn’t be the first thing to resort to either.
I love my son, I was in labor with him for 9 hours and he’s a blessing straight from God and it is my job and my husband’s job to guide him, to bring him up in the way he should go and I’m gonna try like hell to make sure that it’s a good way that we’re leading him into!!!!!
*vent over* lol
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Your husand hit your son with a shoe? Wow, good thing he is not animal…PETA would have been all over you guys.
A shoe? And the bruise to show it?
And we wonder why black men are so angry.
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Who’s to say he is black I know plenty of non black people who read this site
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If a child continues to misbehave after a whipping, that tells you that it DOES NOT work!
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Tichina is my buddy. But it is important not to spank your child when you are angry. She was already under a lot of stress when the little girl was acting up. Now if it is a normal, calm day, then she definitely should have gotten a spanking.
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Tichina’s daughter did not ‘need’ a spanking. Tichina’s daughter needed to be in bed. Why should the child be punished by the mother when the mother was the one who did not respect her child’s physiolgoical needs?
In my opinion, no child ‘needs’ to be spanked. The goal should be to raise a child who is respectful and can demonstrate self-control. My own children are adults now and they weren’t spanked. We modeled respect to one another and to them. No one got hit. They KNEW when they blew it, and believe me, they got the evil eye sometimes. But they also didn’t have to worry about ever, ever being physically harmed.
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Amen to that. I raised three kids and none of them was ever hit, pushed, slapped or cursed by me or their father. They are all great adults now. People always commented on how well-behaved my kids were in public, and believe me, they were scared to death of my “evil eye” and I used it often in public situations like the one Tischina describes.
My husband and I agreed to never threaten any punishment we weren’t willing to deliver right then, so things like “I’m gonna break your neck” or “wait ’til I get you home…” were not in our vocabulary AT ALL. We gave our kids time outs and had to get really creative at times on how to make that happen away from home. I agree that hitting a child only produces anger and shifts the focus away from the child’s inappropriate behavior to yours.
There’s nothing like a time out, followed by a discussion, to help a child recognize how to choose obedience. Sure, beatings and threats of beatings “work” in the short term, but there are plenty of grown folks in jail today who learned how to avoid beatings simply by not getting caught doing wrong — but beatings don’t help a child choose what’s right because it’s right.
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i agree with the spanking! i would love to know what your trick when in public! i have a 2years-old daughter and she is as silly as you can be!! the evil eye dont work on her, she does it right back and some time her evil looks look taugher then MINES!! LOL.the only thing that seem to work with her is if i count from 1-2-3, she does what i tell her(most of the times…her school uses the method with her,so i continue it at home). If she dont listen,…..you know what happens.
im’m 24years old…and the evil look still scare me…cause best believe, my mom will STILL TRY TO WHOOP MY BEHIND.
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“spare the rod” does not mean actual “hitting” in the bible. It means that if you do not discipline(physical is not the only form) than yes, the child can become spoiled.
Also, most of the so called “gang bangers” out there are the very ones who got them “good ol’ fashioned whuppins”. In my opinion, whipping children only make them angry. No one should be hit. We as adults are not hit when we do wrong. Most adults cannot even admit when they are wrong.
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every kid is different, all i needed was a look then i straightened up lol but my aunt would beat the DOG mess out of her kids, it worked but it terrified me lol
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I dont see anything wrong with spanking your children I used to get them when I was a child but I take things away from my son, that seems to hurt him more than a spanking because he hates it when his friends get to play at the park and he has to sit next to mommy or we have to leave because hes acting up.
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OK first off there is a difference between spanking and beating. I was brought up my mother dug in my [butt]and to this day I am thankful I will not tolerate a disobediant child
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“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it!”-Proverbs 22:6
I think God for every one of my whoppin’s growing up….all 24,567,475 of them! …and to be clear, my parents spank me to instill correction and reverance and not to bring physical harm.
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I totally agree with everything Tichina said.
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Why is spanking the child the best answer? Another form of punishment such as time out once the child got home would be just as effective. On top of that, when parents are annoyed the “cute” things kids do are not cute anymore.
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Wah! Wah! I’m a parent too lazy to do anything but hit my child! WAAAAAAAH!!!!
And we wonder why we’re so effed up as a race. Please.
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beating/spanking children is wrong. i notice how most people mention they don’t spank in public. why is that? because the police would be called. i was on the recieving end of spankings and i HATED my mother for spanking me. children are not little adults. note: parents who recieved spainking growing up will most likely spank their children. that’s how the cycle of abuse works. all children will freak out at some point but many behavioral problems are linked to poor nutrition both in vitro and throughout childhood. fast food, soda, chips and excessive sugar is bad for adults and is worse for children. take a look at what your children are eating.
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I think some children do deserve 2 b spanked like many comments b4 there is a difference between a spankin and a beat’n..I was spanked growing up when I did something wrong and NOT 1 TIME did my mother receive a phone call saying I was actn up in class so its ignorant 2 say the children that get spanked are the 1′s who act up at school..you should b able 2 spank ur child if u feel they deserve it I don’t have any children yet but when I do decide 2 have children if I even see them fix their mouths 2 disrespect an adult I will pop them in it. I will not bargain with my child about doin something if your parents say do something then you do it no questions asked.. One method my mom used when she felt a spanking wasn’t called for she would make us stand in the corner and hold our arms up and thnk about what we had done..I thnk the countin method works and timeout and a few other methods but a mother knows when her child needs 2 b spanked and will b thankful and kno that his/her parents love them when they get older
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Tichina,
You are doing a GREAT job! I so admire you. There is no one formula for each child; all children are different and we as parents must get to know what will work on our children. Sometimes a good hard spanking is the shock treatment a child needs to correct a bad moment … the Bible says ‘foolishness is tied in the heart of a (child) but the rod of discipline is what will remove it far from him …’ The discipline must be both instructional AND involve some type of consequence for their negative actions. If we as parents don’t give them consequences for bad behavior, sadly one day when they are grown and out of our jurisdiction, they may reap terrible consequences out there in the world.
We are living in critical times, the general mental outlook of people has changed and we must fight for our children; fight to keep family values and discipline alive in a world of declining moral values. Parents let’s remember, we will reap what what we are sowing in our little ones.
Again, shout out to you Tichina for doing a great job with your little one!
All The Best
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i agree 100% with Tichina. there is NO REASON WHAT SO EVER that a child will disrespect me and think they’ll get away with it just won’t happen. i DO NOT believe in beatings i think that is foolish and people who do that to their children need to get locked under the jail. i DO believe that we should train our children starting at a young age that adults are to be respected at all times. i wasn’t spanked a lot when growing up because those few times were enough to get me on track. i look back at the things i did to get those spankings and I DESERVED IT. i don’t care about what the cops and “anti-spanking” people have to say because telling little Johnny to sit down and go to the corner WILL NOT work when little Johnny turns 13 and he thinks he’s bad. child please you better handle that child as soon as possible
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I rarely, if ever, spanked my kids when they were babies/smaller; those damn diapers sure know how to provide good spanking protection!! The “corporal” punishment method that I use to this day is ear tugging; not only is it in a very easily accessible area, but the ear is very strong/sturdy. The best part, however, is that it annoys the living crap out of my kids. Safe, effective, yet thoroughly annoying…what is there not to love???
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I luv this article. As I was reading the other responses. I c that there r a lot of people who also agree. But I also c u nay sayers and from ur comments I can tell y’all would b the first ones to call child services. Lemme say that y’all need 2 MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!! Everyone is entitled to raise their children however they choose. And if spanking their own child works for them then that is their business. It is 2009 people and idk if anyone has noticed but the kids of this generation do not have any respect for authority. And that is because they realize that mommy can’t pop them in certain places because of nosy ninnys like you all. What happened to the days of it takes a village. Best believe if I cut up I got that a## whooped. Don’t get me wrong there’s a thin line between spankings and abuse, but if the parent is using spankings as a life lesson to the child. The child will not b scarred. And after the spanking is over b sure to remind the child of the naughty behavior and tell them how much u love them. We as adults need to take back control of our children!!!
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I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but there is not one person that I know that hasn’t been spanked. All of them are law-abiding, have never been in jail/prison, upstanding adults who love, respect and honor their parents. All of them had their azzes whipped, including me and my two siblings. All of us came out just fine. We are not angry, aggressive, VIOLENT or out of control like some have assumed just because my mom spanked us. We KNEW she loved and and 9 times out of 10, a child knows exactly why they had to be punished.
Now if your little darlings are perfect and you didn’t have to whip them, good for you. Whatever YOU did worked for YOUR child. I don’t believe spanking always has to be the first line of discipline, but I do know some children who aren’t spanked (you can see them in the stores, restaurants and out in public) acting a dang fool and mama just sits there while their child is totally out of control are the ones that will possibly have many problems in the future because they are spoiled and feel the world owes them something. If you don’t teach them otherwise, you and society will have a big problem on their hands. I also worked for L.A. Unified School District and Lord knows I’ve seen what undisciplined children look like. Their teachers and other students have to deal with them. I’ve seen parents allow their child to curse and hit them, and mama does nothing. Now you tell me that child won’t have problems in the future.
The moral of the story the way I see it is: If you choose not to spank your child, so be it, but don’t take that right away from other parents who believe it’s the best form of discipline for THEIR child.
BEATING A CHILD IS NEVER, EVER RIGHT. Anyone who abuses a child in any form or fashion deserves death to me. That might sound harsh, but children are so precious, and yes, they are gifts from God entrusted in our hands because there are some people who can’t have them and desperately want them. Spanking and beating/abuse are two different things. Now, I’m off my soapbox
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Oh boy, we haven’t come so far after-all!
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SHE LOOKIN MORE AND MORE LIKE HER MOM EVERYDAY
AND THERES NOTHIN WRONG SPANKIN YOUR KIDS IF THEY NEED IT.
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TICHINA IS A GOOD PARENT.
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I think spanking is a form of violence and if you raise your child properly (whatever that means!) then you should be able to punish them without spanking them.
Beating them (aka spanking) is a sign of defeat and lack of creativity. I don’t have any kids, but I seriously doubt that there are kids that *HAVE* to be spanked. I think that spanking conveys the message to kids that violence is a good form of settling conflict. Yes, violence works, but it’s a crude method and should be avoided.
It instills fear in the child as opposed to authentically reforming them. Like I said, I don’t have kids and I’m no expert on child rearing, but I was spanked growing up and I’m not looking back and thinking, “I’m so glad my parents spanked me.” It made me fear (and at times hate) them, and I got into plenty of fights at school. Now I’m not sure if the fights I got into at school were b/c of my being spanked, but overall I hated being spanked and do not plan on spanking my future child(ren).
Not spanking your child does not mean that you are letting them go free. There are ways to effectively discipline children that do not include corporeal punishment.
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Unfortunately new school black folks have been brainwashed by the white establishment thinking that spanking is going to make their kid violent or grow up to be violent or mentally ill. That’s a crock of b.s. if I’ve ever heard it. I think it’s probably the opposite. If you can discipline your child w/o spanking and they get the point, good for you. Some kids need a good azz whipping to get the point across, some don’t. What if your child ran into the street or did something that might cause him/her harm? What are you going to do? “Now Johnny, that wasn’t a nice thing to do, sweetie. Now don’t do that again.” Hell naw. You spank their little behinds to get the point across and then you talk to them or talk to them BEFORE and AFTER the butt spanking.
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I am all for freedom of speech but it seems that most people who are against spankings, don’t even have children. What the heck do you know about raising a child, teen, young man or young lady in 2009? One (NON-PARENT) posted that she has a double major and took a few black history classes and now feels qualified enough, having done some intense research, that she can now tell someone else how to discipline his/her child. PLEASE!!! Sweetie, if and when you have a child, please be prepared to know that you won’t have all the answers when “TIME-OUT’s and counting 1-2-3 no longer work. You people kill me (if the shoe fits, wear it) You have a problem with how some parents discipline their child but when one of them little jokers gets into trouble or starts wanting to hang-out and influence your little angel then you’re ready to have their little behind locked-up or shipped away. My husband is a elementary school Dean and states that over 30% of his student have been labeled as having ADD or some other form of behavioral problem. Those kids are so doped up during the school day that half the time they don’t even know where they are. They have to sit out on most school activities because they’re zoned out. That is sad because a parent would rather give their child a pill to control then when he/she misbehaves rather than correct the behavior problem. Now, that is abuse! Yes, there are some true ADD cases but an even larger number of kids are on medications because their dumb parents can’t regain control over him/her. They did nothing when little Amy hit them or screamed at the top of their lungs, while in public. They gave little Johnny a “Time-Out” when he was caught playing with fire or cursing out his teacher. Our KIDS suffer the consequence when we as parents don’t want to discipline. You want to be friends with your child instead of the parent. You’d rather be liked by your child, yet disrespected then loved and respected, (not feared). I don’t think any parent enjoys discipline their little angle(s) but a good parent knows what is necessary for his/her child. We are responsible for the children we bring into this world and the world will point the finger at you when they become a problem later.
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I agree with you 100% a book cannot tell you how to be a good parent it is on the parent to do their job. I have notice people who do not have children always trying to tell someone how to raise their children.
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spanking = physical abuse
…and folks wonder how could chris brown beat the heck out of rihanna…
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spanking = physical abuse
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I agree with Bison. Why is it ok to beat kids but not adults? Spanking is for clueless psychopaths.
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Im only 14 and my parents never hit me in my life my parents dont believe in that.!
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I believe parents that spank their children are sick!!!
Mine will never be abused, so that’s all I care about.
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Ty, have to disagree with you. I believe that parents that do not properly chastise their children when they are young and impressionable will end up with out of control, disrespectful juveniles. Maybe your definition of spank is different from mine, but to me, a firm hand applied across the backside or back of the hand of a child who will not listen/behave/cooperate in certain situations is an invaluable tool in child rearing. My parents spanked my brother and I, and they are not sick. They wanted the best for and from us, and expected us to deliver. I expect the same from my own kids, and I am not afraid to lay down the law if need be. If I do not, some one else will!
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Ticina:
I agree with you 100%. There is a difference between abuse and discipline. Some people act like they do not want to spank their children when in reality they are afraid of the kids. Society has turned it around so that the kids are the grownups and the parents are the kids. I saw a woman in the street the other day begging for her son to get up off the ground..she was promising him everything in the book if he would just stand up. She leaned down in his face talking and pleading with him…You know what he did. He reached up and slapped her in the face…Now mind you this kid was like 5 or 6 years old. You know what she said? “Why did you hit Mommy? That wasn’t nice”. I couldn’t believe it. Why do kids have the nerve that they do these days? Because I believe all discipline starts in the home, early. You can tell children that are well disciplined. They know how to behave in public. There is a reason that the Bible says “Spare the rod and spoil the child” If a child is disciplined with love they will love you as their parents. I spanked my kids when they got out of line or disobeyed, and they didn’t love me any less, matter of fact they loved me more…and to this day they are healthy, educated functioning adults, with children of their own.
Parents, lets stop letting society tell us how to raise our own children, and do what we should do when they are young. Remember, if you don’t do it, then the police will happily do it for you!
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Let me get this straight: you took your baby out late in the evening- even when you *know* that she has a hard time keeping it together when she’s tired- so that you could get your computer fixed. And then you want the right to slap her for acting the way any tired four-year-old acts when they should be in bed at home. Why do I always see folks out late at night with bratty kids blaming everybody but themselves? You’re the one who’s grown- get a babysitter or wait until the next day to get your gadgets fixed.
I don’t have a problem with the occasional spanking. But you need to be the adult and give your kid what they need before you go blaming your kid for their behavior. Your daughter wasn’t disrespecting you, she was just tired.
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