Home Tichina Arnold TICHINA ARNOLD: “A WOMAN CAN NOT RAISE A MAN CHILD”

TICHINA ARNOLD: “A WOMAN CAN NOT RAISE A MAN CHILD”

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A woman can not raise a man child”, says actress Tichina Arnold in one of her latest blog posts. Read below as Tichina tells us why she feels that a woman can not be both a mother and a father to her son:

It’s kind of crazy, but I get more calls on FATHERS Day than I do on Mothers Day. As proud as those calls make me feel, it also reminds me that I will NEVER be able to be Alijah’s father no matter how hard I try. Even though I wanted a boy when I found out I was pregnant…. boy oh boy (pardon the pun), am I grateful for having a girl. I am a little more knowledgeable of what it takes to raise a woman because I AM a woman, but all of my single mom friends who are raising boys, have a completely different struggle than I. I do not believe that a woman can raise a man child the same way she can raise a female child. She at times, has to try and THINK like a man. She can only teach him what she has learned and what she will and will not tolerate and leave the rest in God’s hands.

All you single moms raising young men out there, please don’t get mad at my next statement, but It takes a MAN to raise a MAN! We as single moms can only do the best we can, with the tools we got. I am definitely going to blog more in detail about women raising men at a later date..

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  1. Well I’m a single mother of two boys one 20 yrs. old and 16 yrs. old. I agree that a woman cannot raise boys to be men but when it’s all they have you do the best you can. I must say that I thank God for being in my life that neither one have been in jail, selling drugs and being disrespectful. Sometimes we as women have to be careful who we are in relationship with.

  2. I love how she said that it takes a “MAN TO RAISE A MAN”, clearly identifying that not all males are MEN. Two different things entirely. True statement.

  3. I am kind of torn..my son misses his dad (died when he was 10), i can teach my son to respect women/himself, take responsibilty, obey your parents ETC, ..but its some things that A MAN has to teach him that i cant, but SINGLE women have been raising MEN ALL THEIR LIVES..AND GREAT MEN, NOT JUST ATHELETES, LAWYERS, DOCTORS, ETC..WE CAN AND ALWAYS WILL DO IT!

  4. I am a single mother of two boys and would never agree that their father can raise them better than I can because he is a man and I am a woman. Glad she had a daugther because she would have to give her kid up. She used poor judgment releasing a statement with no merit. I should start blogging about stupid has-been celebrities. If Tachina is ill-equipped to raise a man then it’s def something she is lacking and shouldn’t put that off on the rest of us.

  5. So it is “ideal” to have a child be raised by the people who created him as opposed to essential? If you were in a room full of single fathers and they spoke as casually about whether a child needs a mother as you do about if a child needs a father, I am sure you would find the whole conversation rather tragic. I find the mentality of black women towards fatherhood rather tragic. Dangerous even.

  6. Sorry she should leave this to those who know and she clearly does not. My best friend was raised in a single parent home with 3 sisters and 5 brothers (all great men now). Her mother was raised in a single parent 9 children home similar to her own. It depends on the mother

    • It doesnt depend on the mother because even if the children come out ok, the children still deserve a father. The children are still at a disadvantage by not having been raised by a father. So when these daughters of single mothers grow up and they cant find a man who is in the mind to commit to marriage, they can blame that on the fact that these men didnt grow up with a father because one of the many effects of boys not growing up with their father is that their attitude toward commitment leave a lot to be desired. If these same girls wonder why the men they meet seem rather predatory, its because men who grow up without fathers have a skewed view of male sexuality and manhood that is entirely wrapped up with sexual conquest. These types of men arent bad, per se, but they are clearly psychologically damaged.

  7. I dont think she is implying that women SHOULDNT raise male children. I think she is just giving her opinion that male children need male influence. We as women can only teach our sons so much, they need a positive male role model to look up to. Not necessarily a father, but some type of influence. I was blessed to grow up in a home where both my parents were together and so were my parent’s parents, and those before them, and I believe having a well rounded view from a man and woman are crucial in raising male and female children.

    • @Emm,

      “We as women can only teach our sons so much, they need a positive male role model to look up to. Not necessarily a father…”

      And what if someone said that you didnt necessarily need your mother so they were going to go ahead and replace her with some kind of female social worker? Fatherhood isnt replaceable. They arent wigs, shoes, nail color, hair styles, etc.

  8. Hi everyone! I agree, too, w/Ms. Arnold. I have raised a 21-year old autistic young man. While yes – like my mother who raised 6 sons alone – she still needed male influence as do I. I taught my son how to be respectful, polite and all the ‘surface’ stuff, but I’m not a man & would not be able to tell a young man how to deal w/feelings that men have, nor how to do regular “man” things. How the hell do I teach my son to stand up to pee, then “shake?” (if you know what I mean – LOL!) I can tell him, but I can’t SHOW him, you know? While we all need each other as a family, young ladies need moms, and young men need men, or dads, that can teach & guide them… in the man way.

  9. Hi I agree with her and for the women that don’t agree you are blind. There are women that raise boys and they become fine men to the naked eye but they will have issues that they will not understand because of that lack of teaching from their father. You can’t as a boy go to ur mother for everything somethings are meant for the father to handle. Many boys push down those things they lack and go on to be poster boys for single mothers that have raised men but they will always be missing something and they might not realize that until they get other that they have yet to fully become a man. She is not saying the women do not do a good job she’s saying that for them to be whole they need that father’s touch and some boys get that from their grandfather uncles etc. They have other male figures that get the job done. But the woman allowed cannot get the job done.

    • I don’t think you have the good sense to say a boy will not be whole if raised by a woman alone. Who’s to say that the father is giving the child something that the mother can’t. What type of example are you setting for the boys in the world today. If I lined up a group of men, how who you tell if they were raised by a woman. You can’t!

  10. I totally disagree w/ her statement. I was not a teen mom, but a married woman whose husband decided to be a criminal. I have taken care of my son by myself since he was two, and will continue as he will be older than I am now when his dad gets out of prison. I have tought my son how to pee standing up and that is the first way he learned in general. I have tought him things from proper grooming to carrying a wallet. I don’t know how to tie a neck tie, but I can look that up on line when I need to. My point is this. I teach my son how to be a good person, a gentleman, and being a man will certainly come natural to him.
    By the way President Obama was raised by his “single” mother and by his grandmother.

    • @Ryansmommy,

      How will you teach your son how to be a husband? Will you role play, wear a suit around the house, will you come home to yourself every night as your own husband to show your son, how it is supposed to be done? Will you teach your son as a man how he is supposed to handle problems with women? How can you when you arent a man? Our society isnt genderless. Human beings are born to two genders and those genders for all sorts of reasons are imbued with a separate and DISTINCT psychology.

    • This is my first time visiting this blog and I must say I am very disappointed in the women who have contributed to this topic. I am afraid for the future of black America when I hear black women be so dismissive about fatherhood. I mean your brother or your uncle might be great people but they arent your child’s father. And just like you dont want some other woman coming to replace you, you shouldnt be under the impression that the father of your children can so easily be replaced by some other dude.

      My advice is to be married when you have children. That way you increase the likelihood of your kids being raised by their father.

  11. Tichinia speaks the truth. It’s time for both black fathers and mothers to recognize that men need to raise boys to become men. Our black fathesr need to be in the home. There need to be much fewer babies born out of wedlock and more stable black marriages for the state of black America to imrprove…

  12. Hello everyone!
    I beleive both sides, but feel if there is no father figure there, it would not ruin a “man child”. I have friends that have both parents or even a figure in there life and they still made bad choices as adults. I understand Tichina saying that from her observation. But no one ever knows until they have experienced it.

    I am a grad school graduate, work a full time job, and at age 27, have had my first son. I have put every inch of my being to raising him right. I have given his dad every opportunity to be apart of his life and not mine and because he won’t be apart of my life, he dont want to be apart of his. I would allow him to help me but he refused..So we do what we have to do! I am not angry nor hatefull to him, just want him to have an effect in his life.

    Despite the situation. I can not say I can raise him to be at his full potential but with Gods help I can do what I can to show him morals and values and how to treat others, and live up to not what I want him to be, but anything he wants to be. His dad has lied about his whole life, completely decieved me, and these are the characters that I don’t want my son to inherit. He has not seen him since he was 3months and he is going on 2years old.
    With all that said, I planned on being married before I had my son but things happen and I would love for a good man to step in and help but I will do my part as a good mother to make sure he become the man God wants him to be in the process, if there isnt a man there when he needs one.

  13. I wonder what she would be saying if she had a “man child” instead of a girl child? I woman may not be able to teach a boy how to pee standing up but, she can certainly instill him with decent morals and values.

  14. there are certain thing only a man can teach a boy. a woman can only teach a boy certain thing. a woman does not know how it is to be a man.

  15. That is not true. Tichina Arnold is my buddy. But as an educator, two of my male students’ father died. Therefore, their mothers had NO choice but to be the mother and the father! And they are doing a great job raising their male sons. Also, my cousin died. Therefore, his wife was also forced to be mother and father and raise a son from the time he was 5 until he became an adult. And he turned out fine. He just graduated from high school.

    • Your attitude is a bit flawed. It is a lot different for a child to lose a father through death than it is from the child to not be raised by their father. Death doesnt diminish fatherhood but absenteeism does diminish fatherhood. You dont have to take her comments personally but if you do the research you would know that the absence, not death, but absence of fathers leads to all kinds of problems for women, as mothers, and children.

      • The question at hand is if a single women can effectively raise a man child. So I don’t think it really matters if the father passed or chose to be absent he still isn’t there. That is all a child knows anyway. I say this this from first hand experience. My brothers(3) and I were all raised by a single mother. My father decided his life was better without me my brother and my mother in it but my other brother’s father passed away. Whatever the case we had no father in our home. While I think it is more difficult to raise a boy into a man I do believe that it can be done. A friend and me have this debate often because she also believes that only a man can teach a boy the lesson needed to be a man. Yes a man acts in the example that he wants his son to follow. He portrays the type of man that he wants his son to be. However I think a women can teach a man what type of man not to be. I believe a real man is responsible for himself and his family. He is a protector and a provider. He is a gentleman at all times and he has an unbreakable relationship with god. (my type of man anyway). I don’t see how a woman would be unable to instill these characteristics and values into her son. But this is just my opinion and I clearly see where the other side is coming from. I just think that anything is possible and it seems like people cut down the accomplishments of strong single mothers when they make those statements.

  16. Tichina, Tichina, Tichina, who died and made you an expert? First of all, there are plenty of women who have raised sons alone and have done great jobs. Im not saying that fathers aren’t needed or not important in a boys life because they most definitely are. But if a woman has to do it on her own, as long as she is determined dedicated, has her head on, and accepts God as her leader she’ll be fine.

    And girls need their fathers just as much as boys

  17. well i’m thankful God blessed me with a boy. God choose me to be the mother of a beautiful boy because He knew that I could do it. Be a strong black woman not just for yourself but for our sons single women. It’s ashame that a celebrity person would rather put you down rather than encourage you for all of your work at the hardest job in the world…MOTHER. We are strong women raising our sons. My son is 2. I expect the utmost from him. He will not fail because without exception I will not accept anything less but success. For someone like Tichina Arnold frankly your not a woman that could handle raising a son sounds like your weak. Instead of putting us single mothers of sons down you’d have been better to lift us up. One day you’ll be looking our direction when your daughter needs a date.

  18. Completely true. She is sooo right.
    I am so glad I have my husband of 8 years to be a coparent to our son.
    I also think it was so important for me as a girl having my father growing up. Nothing can make up for not having two loving parents to BOTH raise you!
    So sad that so many children of any race just don’t get that kind of start.

  19. I agree. In my occupation, I have seen the results of male children not having a dad or a positive, male role model in their lives. It is very sad.

  20. I disagree. It takes a very strong and determined mother to raise a son as a single parent, and it also depends on the child. There are bad low down men who was raised with a mother and a father, and they’re are great, stand up, loyal guys who was raised by only a mother. I believe when a woman makes the mistake of thinking she should apply the exact same rules as in raising a girl when raising a boy, does the problem occur. You have to be more strict and firm with boys, not passive and lenient the way you are with your daughter. But, a woman raising a boy into a good man is not only possible, but is being done every moment in the day.

    • Obviously a woman can raise a child on her own but why would you? Why make your life harder, why deprive your children of what they deserve? You speak as if having a father is some kind of luxury. Here I am thinking thats the way it is supposed to be. We can all live good lives with one leg, but none of us want to, and none of us will intentionally cut off our leg.

      Also instead of being so focused on the mothers feelings about raising children on her own why not consult the kids if they are happy with the situation and if they would prefer to be raised by both their parents. I am sure the VAST majority of children want to be raised not by their one “determined mother” but both people who came together at one point to make them.

  21. sometimes a woman HAS TO raise a male child on her on. Kudos to all the women who have – and do!

    sometimes, though, i woman is so full of herself that she feels she can DO IT ALL! instead of giving the man a fair chance – or simply not waiting till she is ‘equally yoked’ – she goes for the immediate gratification (“i want sex NOW!” or “i want a baby NOW!” – or both) and the devil take the hindmost.

    not only are our prisons a living legacy to this curse on our community; so are the number of men who no longer even TRY to be a father. they either never knew one, and now don’t know how themselves. or never had to, because no one would give them a chance.

    • I would say in most cases women DONT have to raise children on their own. But you increase the likelihood of having to raise children on your own if you make the mistake of having them while unmarried.

  22. Women have been raising men for ages…with or without a father. There are a lot of single mothers out there who have raised fine young men. They are not any less of a man than one raised around a father.

    • Thats incorrect, back in the day, men were more likely to get custody of children on the rare occasion of divorce than women were. Obviously women didnt have the courts or the income to raise children but men did. It is only very recently, within the past 30 or 40 years that boys have not been raised by a residential father. And you can see the results of that experiment.

  23. This woman has a point. The majority of men in prisons today were raised without a father in the home. Women please stop having children at such a young age until who find the right man who wants to be a responsible father to his children. So many boys in our communities are confused and angry and are being raised by women who haven’t really grown up. So many of these single mothers are exhausted, bitter and angry. Put off having children until you are at least in your late twenties, have a university education or a trade that would afford you a wage you can live on.

  24. oh please!! What is she an expert now? children raised by women are fine. In this world kids need parents and one parent is better then none. Single mothers been holding it down for years.

    • No they are not. In fact children raised by single mothers are at an increased risk of depression, drug, and alcohol abuse. Early and riskier sexual activity, poor grades, health, and poverty. The list goes on. You have to look at things on average not your personal success story.

  25. false.. my mother raised my 2 older brothers by herself and they’re outstanding men. i don’t know what the hell happened when it came to my younger brother.. but thats a rant for another day. the only male figures i’ve ever had in my life were my brothers, and i’m grateful for that, i just wish they had what i have, but they didn’t get that chance because their father was murdered. all they had was my mother, who obviously did a great job. i love tichina.. but she definitely shouldn’t make statements like that unless they’re proved as facts.

    • A woman can’t teach a boy how to be a man. We can raise them well; teach them how to be gentlemen but not how to be a man. It’s just something we lack in that area. Just as a man lacks in raising a young lady. Kind of hard to explain.

      Although your mom raised your brothers & I’m sure she did a fine job. I’m willing to bet there was some form of male figure they were able to look up to. It didn’t have to be their actual father or family member. Maybe a coach, family friend, neighbor.

  26. What she speaks is the truth. I am pregnant with my first and it is a boy and I am just thankful that his father is around and pray that he continues to be around as the years progress.

  27. Unfortunately that is so true. That is why we need fathers especially black fathers to start stepping up to the plate.

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