VERONICA WEBB TALKS ABOUT DISCIPLINING HER KIDS
Former model Veronica Webb has a goal set out for this week: she hopes not to yell at her daughters Leila Rose Robb(R) and Molly Blue Robb(L). In the following essay, Veronica talks about how she wishes to discipline her kids without spanking or yelling at them.
A Quiet House written by Veronica Webb:
“…This week my goal with my kids is not to yell. I don’t hit my kids unless they do something dangerous that would be life threatening like walk into a busy street. I was spanked often, as a child, and yelled at regularly by both teachers and parents as a means of control. I was a sassy kid, but not a troublemaker. Now that my kids are five and half and seven years old, the chickens have come home to roost, as it were, they are quick to scold and yell at each other as well as their peers. Their words come quick and they’re clever and cutting. It hurts to hear it because I know where it comes from – me.
Momma teaches this every time I get frustrated and criticize them for being a little late getting ready for school. When they’re fussy at the end of a long school day and want to do something other than getting straight home to do homework and do their chores. I don’t want to build or enforce discipline in their character by “bullying” my kids with a seriously mean tone of voice while I bark out doomsday scenarios like “ What’s wrong with you guys? Who do you think you are? You never listen? Do you even care what I say to you? You’re not helping. You’re going to repeat kinder garden etc…” If you’re a mom you know what this escalates into… You download your frustration, anger and bad mood into the little hearts and minds you’re in charge of, which might quiet the down one of many the mini rebellions moms deal with moment to moment, but does yelling teach them how to deal with their relationships and their lives in a positive, peaceful and productive manner?”
34 Comments to “VERONICA WEBB TALKS ABOUT DISCIPLINING HER KIDS”
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wow I never make any comment, but this post really hit home for me years ago when my 16 year old daughter was 8 or so I decided that spanking was not something that I wanted in my life. In my experience I have been told how I am ruining my daughters, or acting (white) because I choose not to spank so it is refreshing to hear someone else feel the same.
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They are soooo cute!!!! I love Veronica Webb and think she is a great mother. I hope her plan works.
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I agree fully when I decide to stop spanking my then 8 year old I found that life was much calmer and peaceful in my home. I try to teach my daughters now 16, 9, and 6 to express themselves through talking instead of hitting or yelling all the time. Now this has not been the easiest transistion, most people say I think that I am white, or that I am confused, for me I feel better in my heart knowing that I am teaching my children a better way to communicate. It’s nice to see someone else that feels the same.
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Good for her.
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I’m so happy Veronica and other parents are realizing that spanking is not always the answer. Like she stated, if a child does something to endanger their lives like playing with matches or running out into the street, I think a good spanking is necessary, but all too often parents are quick to yell, curse, and hit their children. I’ve even known people to spank their children when they potty on themselves. How cruel and evil is that?
I’m hoping people, especially the black community, changes its stance on spanking at the first mode of discipline. The whole “acting white” comments are just foolish. Just because Big Mama and mama hit doesn’t mean it was right.
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“Especially the black community!” Wow. I always thought the black community was too lenient when it came to discipline. Today, black parents can’t control their kids due to the lack of discipline, spanking, or whatever. There is a chance of going overboard with the discipline, but parents have to know what is, “going overboard.” And for your info, Teri, other ethnicities, other than black, are inclined to harsh discipline like starvation, deprivation, and whipping with the extension cord…I am just saying.
And how do you exercise discipline without yelling…Oh, by saying “Johnny, put that down…Johnny put that down…please.”
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Cee-lo, my point totally went over your head. Yes, especially the black community. I knew exactly what I was typing. I’m a 46 year old woman very well aware of what other ethnicities do. People of all races abuse their children. I’m not talking about abuse. Also, I do believe traditionally blacks believe in spanking their children. There is a way to discipline children, and the way I see some mothers yelling at their children (inappropriately, in my opinion) is wrong. There is no reason to yell and curse your children out.
Have you ever watched the show, The Strictest Parents?” These parents take unruly teens into their homes for a week in order that they straighten up. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, the kids have improved drastically, all w/o the adults yelling at them. I’m not saying yelling isn’t appropriate at times, but the way I see some mothers screaming and yelling at their children, it’s not wonder the kids are a mess.
P.S. You said, “Today, black parents can’t control their kids due to the lack of discipline, spanking, or whatever.” Where did you get this bit of information?
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yelling will only work for so long, soon enough your kids will be yelling at you back or ignoring you all together…like veronica said the chickens coming home to roost
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Oh my goodness I commented 3 times thinking it wasn’t there. I really need to get out more. lol
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I applaude Veronica for taking this approach. I am anti-corporal punishment as well and my kids are very well behaved. If you choose the non-iolent route of discipline then you have to always follow through on threats. I think if you hit a child b/c they don’t do what you sat then they grow up as iolent individuals who hit, shoot or kill others to get what they want. The black community is more prone to iolent disciplne and it doesn’t work. If it did then we would not lead in the prison population.
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I disagree that just because you spank a child, they grow up violent or kill others. I was spanked, and I don’t know of many people who weren’t, and I have never, ever been violent neither have any of my sibling or friends. We’ve never shot or killed anyone nor have we ever seen the inside of a jail/prison. I believe spanking has its place, but I don’t always believe a child has to be spanked in order for them to behave. Also, there are many reasons why there’s a large population of blacks in the penal sytem, i.e. unjust charges, minor offenses, and other issues. This subject has been studied before. I don’t think it has anything to do with spanking per se.
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i do concur. i too was spanked, and to date i have never been in a fight and don’t consider myself a violent person. there is a difference between a spanking and abuse. my mother spanked me when all other options had been exhausted. it wasn’t fun getting spanked, but i thank my mother today for the raising she gave me. and i think thats alot of the problem today, no one is raising their children anymore, they are as my Big Mama used to say, fed and let grow. so sad.
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Thats nice. Nice way to do things. Beautiful girls
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@Cee-lo, you asked, “And how do you exercise discipline without yelling…Oh, by saying “Johnny, put that down…Johnny put that down…please.”
Yeah, that’s exactly right. Why do you have to yell at Johnny to put something down. This is exactly the mentality I am talking about that I see time and time again. Now if Johnny disobeys you, then you can up the volume. Why would you want to yell at a child for doing something children do? Children are naturally curious and explore. They don’t automatically know right or wrong until you correct them, but you don’t have to go about it by yelling at them for every dang thing unless that thing will endanger their lives or they don’t listen. Again, what’s wrong with just telling Johnny to not touch something?
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Good for Veronica! I applaud her on her efforts. Parenting is a tough job but there has got be more positive and effective ways to get children to mind than yelling or resorting to violence.
Her girls look like her and are adorable!
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@Teri- I disagree. Studies have proven that violence begets violence. When you teach a child reasoning, it is a skill that lasts a lifetime. When you teach them to hit, “MOST” times they will grow up and repeat the behavior. You can not convince me that the way prisoners are raised has nothing to do with their circumstance!! There is always the exception but most come from a vicious cycle of the same behavior.
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@Keepin’ it Real, if you read my comments, you’d see that I basically believe spanking isn’t always necessary. It depends on the offense. If my child runs into the street, I am going to give them a good swat on the butt to bring the point home that when he/she did was dangerous and not to do it again. I hate seeing parents scream, yell, and hit their kids for minor offenses.
I don’t care about studies because they never studied me. I was spanked, and I don’t know anyone who has been whom is violent. Studies, like statistics, can be altered.
I’m not going to try to convince you of anything, so again, we’ll agree to disagree. My sister was a medical provider in the penal system for about 14 years, and trust and believe, there are many prisoners whom have come from the best homes that money can buy. They’ve had loving parents. Some of their parents were wealthy, and they’ve been to the best schools money can buy, but somewhere along the line, they got into trouble. I believe that prisoners in prison have many elements that caused them to wind up in the penal system, and that does not necessarily mean they were spanked.
I believe people get beating mixed up with spanking. A swat on the behind when necessary isn’t going to hurt a child. Shoot, we got spanked with switches, belts, and rulers, but like I stated, we have never, ever ended up in trouble. That’s my take on it.
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My mother spanked me until I was 12,and she did a lot of yelling as well.My family is from the Caribbean(I was born and raised in the US though)where spanking is pretty much the accepted method of discipline in the home and at school.My mother brought me up the same way.I wasn’t a bad or difficult child either.I was happy,mild mannered,sensitive,and even a little shy.But I was also hyper and a little impulsive at times.It was effective,but at the same time I remember how humiliated and angry I felt right after the spanking.The yelling made me feel inadequate,like I couldn’t do anything right.So I promised myself that I ever had a child,I would never use that form of discipline.Besides,if you’re teaching the child not to hit or fight with others,but you spank them every time you get mad at them,that’s sending mixed messages.Taking away their toys,electronic gadgets,or privileges is just as effective.However,I do agree that if the child is doing something unsafe,then you have to snatch them out of harm’s way,be stern with them,and maybe give them a swat on the butt,so they understand the danger they were in.
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I am so tired of hearing black people talk about not spanking their kids of this generation when we were spanked growing up. There is nothing wrong with spanking your children. A lot of children need to be spanked to understand right and wrong. I have noticed a big difference in how children respected their parents and other adults when they were spanked. These kids that are not being spanked are growing up to be disrespectful intolerable children and it is the parents fault. Black people, pleassse spank your children and they will be better adults for it.
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The problem with parents today isn’t whether they spank their kids or not.The real problem is that parents don’t discipline their kids consistently anymore,don’t teach them manners,and they overindulge them.Some parents don’t even make their kids help out around the house anymore because they don’t think the kids should have to lift a finger.No matter what type of discipline parents use,it has to be consistent in order to get results.And instead of spoiling kids with material things,parents should pay more attention to them.Some parents are not involved in their kids lives as much as they should be.My mom was as involved in my life as a parent could be,especially with my education.She talked to my teachers as often as possible to keep tabs on my academic performance,and she stayed on my case at home.Plus,she also worked for the Board of Education in our city,and that made me feel even more pressure to stay out of trouble and do my schoolwork.Parents also need to make their kids earn the material things and the spending money they want.My mom taught me how to make the bed with hospital corners,wash dishes,vacuum,dust,do laundry,etc.I knew how to cook by the time I was a teenager.Kids don’t need spanking,they need proper home training.
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Actually, I dont feel there is anything wrong with spanking. The trouble comes when parents spank their children out of anger. The bible advocates swift discipline and simply talking to a child doesnt always communicate the weight of consequence of a child. Studies have showed that the main reason why most individuals land in prison is not because of spanking but b/c of a lack of discipline. When a child is not taught to tie consequence to action, then unfortunately, when they get older, are likely to commit more violent crimes or acts. Now it’s also shown through several psychological studies that most children or individuals are most likely to remember physical consequences not b/c of the action itself but b/c of the mental association tied to it. Spanking children, when done in excess or out of anger, is wrong and only creates a fearful and very timid or reactive child when they are much older. Throughout the 40′s, 50′s, 60′s, and 70′s, school punishment was a highly effective method to keep children in line and majority of families disciplined their children through spanking. I think there is something to be said about the children who live in this society today, who b/c of a lack discipline, have lack of discipline for ppl and things. I would dare anyone to say that the children of today are much better behaved then our parents and grandparents were 30 or 40 yrs ago. Even more, crime has gotten worse today than in the past, and I don’t think its a coincidence that parenting and the belief of not enforcing discipline through spanking (appropriately) has also shifted radically as well. Based on argument made above, crime should’ve been at its highest 30 or 40 yrs ago, but instead its the reverse. Just a thought
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Good for her and the kids. Even exchange.
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BCK…why did you open this can of worms?
My opinion? It’s whatever works for the family.
I was spanked & yelled at (verbal abuse, I called it), constantly being called stupid & useless. I was a straight A student so I knew I wasnt stupid.
I got hit all the time & my 3 brothers didn’t, not one bit. Well I am successful now while all 3 of my brothers are in & out of jail. Im not saying its right, I’m saying for ME, this is the way it turned out.
I spanked my son, now 14, as a last resort. It’s not so much about spanking as it is about respecting your children & demanding the same back. If you have a great relationship w/your children, they will give you the same back, regardless if you spank them or not.
As for yelling, I do that alot,(not saying its a good thing, sometimes it bothers me), but I do NOT say degrading things. My son sometimes yell back, but he’s not disrespectful as I’m not disrespectful to him. We maybe yelling at one another, but we hear what the other is saying.
That’s what works for us. None of us is perfect. Not every method works for everyone. Saying I’m never going to spank/yell at my kids when you don’t have any sounds good, but how realistic is it?
Anyone who comments on my parenting receives a comment back at them about their parenting; for I can bring the same criticism to you as you are bringing to me.
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” My son sometimes yell back, but he’s not disrespectful as I’m not disrespectful to him. We maybe yelling at one another, but we hear what the other is saying.”
How you parent your son is your business, but if you are yelling at him and he is yelling back at you where is the respect? Can you and your son communicate with out yelling at each other?
Yes, I have two boys and I never spank them. Never yelled at them. I speak with a stern voice and they know when I am serious.
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When you are yelling to be heard, is that being disrespectful to the person you want to hear you?
As I said & you repeated, how I raise my son is my business. But since you want to give in your two cents, here’s mine.
While I believe you may not spank your boys, I think its a crock of BS you have never yelled at them. Every parent yells at their children. If your son is heading to a hot pot on the stove, you are going to yell at him to stop before he get there. If your son is heading to a busy street, you’ll yell at him to stop as you are making your way towards him. When you are calling your children from another room, you yell. So pls spare me, every parent yells at their kids. If your son is calling you every 2 seconds & not saying anything, when you respond after the umpteenth time, your voice is raised with a “WHAT?!”. The ones who claim they don’t yell, are usually the ones who does it more often & don’t consider it yelling.
I tend to get excited about the things I am passionate about, so when I’m speaking, I tend to raise my voice. Others say I’m yelling at them when I’m not, my voice is just raised. My son apparently has picked that up. So while we are passionately discussing why he cannot have the door closed when a girl comes over, our voices are raised/yelling at one another. He hears me, I hear him but the situation is discussed on both sides.
Can we talk without yelling at one another, yes, we do it every single moment of the day, but when its a subject we both are passionate about, we raise our voices/yell.
Like I said….IT’S WHAT WORKS FOR ME. Thank you for your comment, but don’t come into my home & I won’t come into yours.
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Like I stated in the beginning how you raise your children is your business. Sherley you open the door to your home when you put your business one the web site. Think before you post. When a child is yelling at their parent where is the respect. You do not have to yell to get your point across. I do not have to yell at my boys I was not raise that way. If I need my children I do know how to get up and go to them. My children do not play in around our by the streets I have a backyard.
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Uh huh & your children have never done anything to be yelled at bacuse you have them in a protective bubble where they can never get hurt or misbehave. Your children are perfect & so are you.
Whatever sweetie…tell that to someone who cares.
My son does not disrespect me. In fact, all the parents we come across, friends, families & even school teachers marvel at how respectful & a wonderful child he is. I do not care if you believe me or not, it’s my household & I live with it all day, whether or not we are yelling at each other. Be grateful your not in my household.
Now go watch your children in the backyard before I yell at you.
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Well as the Good Book says, “spare the rod and spoil the child”. It also says there is a time for all things, which I believe. Sometimes we yell, sometimes we spank, sometimes we explain, sometimes we discuss, etc. It depends on the situation. As long as you let your children know that you are doing this because you love them and because you want them to know right from wrong and to do better, it all evens out. I agree with you all that the issue here is teaching kids that there are limits and boundries we all have to live by in life. How you get your child to that point may differ, because children are different and environments are different.
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Well said Lea.
What works for one parent/child does not work for the rest of them.
Very nicely put.
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Girl please u are not worth the debate. Peace to u and your yelling
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If I wasn’t worth the debate, you would have just passed my comment by instead of responding.
Thank you for your concern
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The experts say it’s important to decide how you are going to raise your children before you have them.They say you have to prepare for parenthood in advance.I think that makes sense because another problem is that some couples don’t agree on how to discipline their children.Once the children get old enough to realize that their mother and father are at odds,they will play one parent against the other.So it’s important for couples to discuss these things beforehand and find a type of discipline they are both comfortable with.Besides,you have much more time to consult other relatives with kids,read parenting books,take parenting classes,or do whatever you feel is necessary to prepare for parenthood before your children arrive than after.
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I give swats on the hand or bum and explain to my children that it is out of love to teach to be respectful of people and what they have been blessed with. When talking and time-outs do not work i have to turn up the heat. Preschools do not even do time-outs and my children were out of control and my 3 year old daughter would attack everyone when she did not get her way. I quit my job 6 months ago to take my children back, and now they a changed children. I do not accept abuse, but I do think the children have changed and it is not a good thing. Everyone is afraid of their children and what the neighbors will think if they tell their children no.
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I am so happy to see that other black mothers agree with me. Prisons are filled with people who got that ‘well deserved’ beating from their parents. It makes them angry and mean. A lot of parents justify this abuse because it’s easier than thinking of an appropriate form of punishment. That in it self requires discipline. It’s so much easier to ‘beat the black’ off of them. As if being black was something horrible.
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