JILL SCOTT: NOBODY CARES AFTER YOU HAVE THE BABY
Motherhood is “a lot of work”, so says singer/actress Jill Scott. For Scott, who gave birth to her first child Jett Hamilton Roberts nine months ago, the first two months of motherhood was a reality check.
“I am going to keep it real gully with you. The first two months i wanted to give him back. I expected somebody to come and save me because after you have the baby, nobody cares about you anymore,” she said sheepishly to talk show host Chelsea Lately last week.
“Nobody cares if you sleep; nobody cares if you eat. It’s just you and this all consuming thingy. And he wants all your time and attention and it hurt the first two months. One day as I was standing by the door and I was considering throwing him out into the pool(sleep deprivation is ugly), at that moment i looked at him and said, ‘ah, i love you. I love you.’”
The single mom-she and her fiance Lil John Roberts called off their engagement soon after she gave birth- has a few projects in the works. On Sunday, February 21st at 8 pm (ET) , Jill will be featured in a Lifetime movie called “Sins of the Mother; she will appear in movie Why Did I Get Married, Too?”, due out April 2nd; and she has a new album, The Light Of The Sun: Words and Sounds, Vol. 4, due out in the spring/summer of this year.
Click here to watch Jill’s interview with Chelsea
57 Comments to “JILL SCOTT: NOBODY CARES AFTER YOU HAVE THE BABY”
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OMG…dats crazy!!!!
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ur comment is mean and thoughtless.
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Amazing so many “wonderful” people taking a comment an actress decided to share instead of lying, the wrong way.
The point in you posting that comment was….
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you sound stuip i am sure every mom feels that way i agree with her i have a daughter who i wish someone wood take and give me a break every child is differnt sweetir do you even have any kids everybody dont have that help. i have my daugther people could care less about me all they worry about is my daugther so she problem stressed jill scott it will come back wear you will be able to write sing and take care of the lil one always this way with first time moms i feel like sometime throwing daugther out of a window. and real what ever you saound stuip
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miss jill scott i wa the same way with my daugther and i know how it feels when you have to do everything on your own and you feel like noone cares. some times i feel like jumping a brige and i still get stressed out. black women need to stop saying things that common every women goes thru this specialy if its there first child some have it when giving birth alot of time. less we have a strong women whos not afaid to speak on it and let the world know this how i feel at this time but it will get batter belive. my daugther is 9 now and i still feel like pulling my hair out. just take him in your arms and tell him you love him and you will always be there or give him one of your shirts with your secent on it
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Don’t worry Jill. It is called postpartum blues and it seems you are managing quite well. I am black and when my mom had my brother she got so stressed she threw him against the wall. It is about time black women start speaking on things like this because we are made to feel like we have to be strong all the time. That is unreal. That is why so many of us suffer in silence.
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Jill, sorry to hear about your mom’s situation and what happened w/your little brother. Thanks for speaking plainly and shedding a little light instead of loading the knee-jerk “that’s crazy” or “wow” regarding Ms. Scott’s refreshing candor. Many moms have felt that way, they just don’t dare say it. Doesn’t make them psycho, cold or any of that. Just human.
People need to stop sugarcoating all things motherhood. Yes, it is great, rewarding, most will never experience a love of another human so deep and unconditional, but it can at times be challenging, stressful, even overwhelming for some.
Scott is still my girl. A real talent. Wish her luck as a new mom. Too bad the engagement is called off, but something tells me she’s gonna do just fine heading up her household. Hopefully the dad will do the right thing and co-parent and provide the proper support as needed.
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gtsa, I couldn’t have said it better! Your comments hit the target head on.
I am so happy she was open and honest enough to admit what so many other mothers are going through. She put her experience out there. She opened herself up to so much criticizm and scrutiny from people who have no clue, but also to a lot of women who can say, “Jill, can I get an amen!”
I’ve always loved Jill, and will continue to. She’s one of the greatest underrated talents around, and I admire her more now than ever!
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Jill, I am sorry Your mom felt like that after giving birth to Your brother….it´s a terrible disease…I had it myself…been in a psychiatric clinic for 10weeks because of it…first without my daughter (she was with my mom then) then with her….if more women would dare to say out loud that something is wrong….and people wouldn´t judge them so bad….less of these accident would happen.
I love my daughter dearly and never hurt her….but that is exactly what I was afraid to do….(having thoughts torturing my mind of killing my child…when minutes later and broke down in tears huggin and kissing her becos I loved her so much….) it makes u feel insane…but it is healable.
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@ Tanja (((hugs))). Glad to see all is ok in the present day.
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Tanja, I am glad that you got the help you needed. I am not a mom, but I know that this is real.
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Jill, thank you for sharing and you are right. Black women sometimes do just suffer in silence because of stigmas and other unrealistic expectations.
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WOW!
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finally i came first…WTH!!!!!
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OMG…dats crazy!!!!
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This is too funny to me, because it is too true. Every new mother goes through this and no one talks about it … this and the first three months of marriage, where you also want to give your husband back, but I digress. Maybe if more women talked about this we would have less teenagers glamorizing motherhood and more women would think about it before doing it. It is hard, no one cares in the beginning, and it IS all consuming, period. It gets better as the child gets older, but yeah, there is no learning curve and that baby does not care about what you need at all, it is all about him or her. She was just being real and it does not have to be accompanied by post partum depression, but it can.
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I wonder if it’s postpartum depression or just sleep deprivation like she said? I have a 10 month old who STILL WILL NOT SLEEP! I’ve read every book and tried every trick and he’s just not having it. I know that a lack of sleep can make you a mean person! Kudos to her for being real about it and not hiring a night time nanny, although I think I would if I had the money lol.
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Does the baby sleep when you hold it?
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Yes, he sleeps when I hold him; however, I haven’t mastered the art of holding a baby and sleeping while I do it. I don’t really care to. I want to lay down and hibernate.
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An old trick I learned from a nurse. Wrap a towel or something soft around the baby when you hold it. Make it like the security of your arms so that when you lie him down it will still feel as though he is still being held. That worked quite well for me. Let me know how it works, ok?
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Yes, I’ve heard this being said and used a lot; wrap the baby up real tight in a blanket to give it that effect.
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Still waiting to hear from you to see if it made things better for you, the suggestion, that is.
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PlainMean, the deprivation hasn’t blunted too much your sense of humor at least, not sure if I may have you confused, but remember a couple of posts that had me rolling.
Hang in there, I know its cliche but it does get better.
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what about… NO. 1 LADIES DETECTIVE AGENY THAT WAS ON HBO…THEIR WAS ONLY ONE SEASON.
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oh my!…its understandable, postpartum depression can really get to you (not that I would know)
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that movie “Sins of the Mother” seems like a really great movie, just saw the clip. “Why did I get Married too” needs to hurry up and come out!
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I can understand where Jill is coming from. Even though I was married the responsibility was all on me. It’s alot of hard work and a huge responsiblity. For any young lady out there thinking about getting pregnant better know what you’re getting into.
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Sounds like she could have benefitted from more support around her. during those early days with baby. Where was her mom, friend(s) baby daddy, were they offering to help out? Maybe a postpartum doula could have made it a little easier. Hope she wasn’t making matters worse by trying to be Ms. Superwoman, yes we black women need to stop doing that to ourselves. Its ok to be vulnerable, ask for help and allow people to help us.
I want to see the lil’ fella. Get me those pics BCK
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What happened to her dectective show? Does anybody know?
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Being a mommy is a very hard job, no matter what age you are. Being a single mom is the hardest job a woman could ever have in her life. I know b/c I am one, but I take care of my daughter and do what I have to do to make sure she has everything she needs. It was hard at first b/c the child needs and wants so much. It will be ok Jill and I am glad you are speaking out about it.
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I love Jill Scott, she is so real. The first 3 months before they sleep more than 2 hours at a time can be the most trying times. when you are a single mom, it can be a very long three months.
I think, Jill (the commentor) your mom was suffering from postpartum psychosis. postpartum depression is when a new mom refuses to touch or deal with the infant, only wanting to stay away from her & cry. Postpartum psychosis is when you start thinking wishing or doing harm to an infant because you see them as the source of your misery. Jill, I hope your brother turned out well.
Neither of these have been an acceptable topic. Coming from a household of people who suffer from mental illness, I thak God everyday my son & I were spared & I encourage everyone to talk about every thing that you think may cause people to look at you funny. It could save your life.
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It is good to point out distinctions as you and The Truth have done such as baby blues–more likely Scott’s situation vs post partum depression (PPD) vs post partum psychosis which is much rarer than the other two.
Just because Jill Scott spoke her thoughts aloud, doesn’t necessarily mean she was dealing with PPD. She could have been replaced with just about any new mom who wasn’t above being blunt. Those first few days and weeks home with new baby puts most moms through the paces-the sleep deprivation alone is no joke.
Such insightful comments on this thread.
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gtsa:
I didn’t say Jill Scott was suffering from any thing but the new mom blues…sleep deprivation, no moment to relax, no help being offered or taken. I completely understand where Jill Scott was coming from & do not believe she suffered from PPD or PPP.
My comment on PPd vs PPP was geared toward Jill the commentor who told the story of her mom throwing her brother against the wall.
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I know you didn’t. I was speaking in general terms. Thank you.
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Thanks for further clarification/additional info. All for anything that lifts veils of ignorance, empowers & enlightens.
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No lie, that postpartum ain’t no joke. Both my cousin and his wife had it when they accidentally got pregnant on their honeymoon after abstaining throughout their relationship. They were literally going crazy. I really hope more women, especially black women, start talking about this. This stuff is real but there is help if you’re strong enough to seek it.
Also, ladies, we must remember our friends throughout this time. So often we can’t get enough of the little ones and totally forget about the mothers. Make a point when you visit to sometimes completely ignore the baby (this part is hard) and focus on her and how she’s doing.
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im with whoever said where was the support? the babys father, your mother, friends….hang in there jill
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Aww ladies, you guys make me so proud, taking so openly, positively and candidly about this very important topic. I felt everything each one of you felt, especially with my first daughter. It was so hard being sleep deprived,so tiring, so lonely. Everyone comes the first week to see the baby but after that they disappear from your life all together. But like you all have stated, it got easier and we all made it through. Keep your head up black women, we are the most precious gems ever!
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I applaud Jill on her candor as well. This can only help other women in her situation. Hope things are looking up for her now.
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Where was Jill Scott’s baby’s father during this time period? Where were Jill’s blood relatives? She should not have to deal with this alone!
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While I get the whole I’m a strong black woman I can do it on my own thing.. I don’t..
She’s not broke, after those first few nights I woulda called somebody, hired somebody something.. My sister gave birth and I remember hearing someone say “you gotta let her do it on her own” I went to the store and returned to find my sister sleep sitting up at the table and the baby being taken care of by a 9y/o and the person who told me not to interfer. Children in general are a lot of work, but babies don’t come with instructions, they are feeling and testing things out just like new mommies..
P.s to the mommies trying to get their babies to sleep. 2 things…try warming up the night bottles a little warmer and… Its Okay if they CRY..you used to cry too when you couldn’t have your way.
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Exactly. Like my mamma has always said, “there has yet to be a baby that has died from crying.”
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I understand what both posters are saying about allowing a baby to cry, but someone also said some words of advice to me when I had my two girls about crying. A baby cries is how it communicates, its can’t talk, so whether that cry maybe i’m hungry, wet or just mommy I want you to hold me and embrace me, I don’t see anything wrong with that. Many Black people still have the thought that holding a baby all the time spoils them. Who doesn’t want to be loved and held?
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Sonia, thank you so much for that. Babies cry for a reason, and to let them just cry isn’t cool to me. I just couldn’t do it. I have friends who have babies that cry all the time and they just can’t get anything done so they’ll let the baby cry for maybe 5 or so minutes, and then go pick the baby up to comfort it, and then put it back down. They do this until the baby is comforted. I feel sorry for woman who have non-stop crying babies because they just can’t hold them all the time. I never had to deal with it, so thank God for that.
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Um, okay. My baby is 5 months old and I NEVER felt that way. I have tired, frustrated days but I feel nothing but gratitude and love when it comes to my child.
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I said that last comment in response to those saying every mother goes through it. PPD is real, but not everyone deals with it with every pregnancy.
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Unless Jill Scott has declared she has PPD or her Dr. has, it would be safe to say that perhaps she was speaking aloud some thoughts that crossed her mind.
God forbid if we all spoke aloud everything that comes to our mind. I probably would not be able to maintain ANY relationships, let alone jobs (ha ha ha).
PPD or not, I think many of the women on this thread who have been largely supportive or at least open to allowing another woman express her thoughts freely on being a new mom in the early stages, were NOT saying that most women suffer from PPD after birth, BUT have acknoweldged a more universal feeling of exhaustion, frustration or even a fleeting “what the heck have I gotten myself into” that may come when caring for a new baby. PPD entered the conversation because sometimes it doesn’t just stop there with some new moms.
That said, congrats on your new baby
.
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I ain’t mad at her, say what you feel. Too often women don’t say how they truly feel about the not so lovely aspects about motherhood because they’re afraid about what people will think. Motherhood isn’t easy and sometimes you wish you could give your kids back so you can get some ‘me’ time to recoup. Doesn’t mean you love your child any less or that you’re a bad mom. Nothing wrong with wanting to gain back a peaceful state of mind. Good luck Jill and to all the mothers dealing with similar situations.
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i am so impressed by the black women coming together in a unified fashion in this post
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THATS WHY PEOPLE SHOULD REALLY THINK BEFORE THEY HAVE BABIES ITS A SERIOUS MATTER,THATS WHY I CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE ANY.
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you sound so dumb one knows how there going to feel untill after the baby comes so think before you speak
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I appreciate and applaud Jill Scott for her honesty. I am so sick and tired of woman lying about what’s it like taking care of a demanding newborn for the first two months of their life. As a mom of two toddlers I know. When I had my first I was so shocked about the amount of sleep I couldn’t get. No one told me that. Everyone just talks about the highs never the lows. Now I speak to other woman who are having kids and let them know that those first six weeks will be overwhelming and that their eating and sleeping pattern will be more predictable.
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i can relate to her pain. thankfully it does get better after they are about three mos. i know for me it did. i get much more rest and there is way less crying.
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There’s this stereotype that Black women have to be stronger than everybody else, and should know how “to deal” with everything thrown their way, ON THEIR OWN.
And then … some Black men say Black women are “too agressive”, and don’t know how to treat a man, and don’t know how to “let him take the lead”.
Black women are just like every other woman. We have stress, and hormones that trigger us in different, yet suprisingly similar ways.
Black women are allowed to feel postpartum depression just like other women. But she pointed it out “nobody cares about you anymore.” That’s not true for every woman (although it is often true for Black women). Some men and other family members do care, and recognize that giving birth and becoming responsible for the survival of another human being is major. And those men treat women as such, and try to take on some of the load.
It’s unfortunate that Jill Scott isn’t feeling that though.
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C’mon ppl yall know jilly don’t and won’t sugarcoat anything. I don’t have any kids but my yorkie can take me there sometimes.. So I can imagine LOL.. Quit being so hard on Jill.
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.. “I don’t have any kids but my yorkie can take me there sometimes”
OMG-that had me rolling
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Postpartum depression (baby blues/new mom blues) is alive and real. Every time my son cried, I cried too. I wanted to toss him out the window that first week! A dear friend felt the same when her child was born. She called me up at 3am and said she wanted to jump off the deck or throw the baby off the deck.
Luckily, we were surrounded by a loving husband and family who came to the rescue (my Marine husband finished TDY 2 weeks after our son was born and my mother filled the void) those first days at home. Single parenting is harder then having your mate right there beside you with sleep deprivation and a weary mind. I encourage all of you to sit with a a new single mom, let her take a nap while you watch the baby. Give her a night off to sleep and you take the late shift. Cook a few meals, drop in to do laundry or do some grocery shopping. Little deeds are a huge help when you have to do it all alone.
I am glad Jill realizes her feelings are only temporary and her love for her son over powered the crazy thoughts.
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