HOT TOPIC: IS THE MARRIED TWO-PARENT FAMILY A THING OF THE PAST?
With the rising rates in divorce, it appears that the married two-parent family is becoming a thing of the past.
Celebrity mom Reagan Gomez writes in a blog post on GlobalGrind:
“Now, the old school definition of a Family includes a mom and dad. However, with the times being what they are, most are forced to make due with one parent in the home. But a lot of the time, the kids are fine. Happy. After all, a family is what you make of it, and if your relationship crumbles, life goes on, right? Children still need to be raised. So, if the kids are happy, what’s the problem? Well, let’s do a little experiment. Name 10 black, happily married couples, under 35. Now name 10 people you know, under 35 that are single parents, and have never been married. Which group do you know more of? For me, yes I’ve been married for a while, but I only know of ONE other black married couple in my circle. But single parents…I know lots of those. Problem? I’m not sure….”
So, Is the married two-parent family a thing of the past?
63 Comments to “HOT TOPIC: IS THE MARRIED TWO-PARENT FAMILY A THING OF THE PAST?”
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Oh, BCk, you are going to open a can of worms with this one-lol. But this is needed! I love how BCK mixes up entertainment with real world issues.
Anyway, my two cents is that the married-two family home is definitely a thing of the past(please don’t chew me up, my religious folks.) Don’t get me wrong, i am as religious as the next, but i am also realistic. Even though people get married, there’s a chance that they can get divorced. It’s a fact! Why should we argue that point. Although we all wish that children can grow up in two-family homes, it is not the case. So please let us acknowledge this truth and stop bashing others that choose not to get married. Some people are better off not being married. Fact!
I,myself, am waiting to get married oneday so that i can have my kids. I am traditional, but i acknowledge that others are not. Fact!
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I THINK IT WILL BE A VERY HOT TOPIC TOO. I AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENTS LISA AND SEE WHERE YOU’RE COMING FROM.
MARRIAGE ISN’T FOR EVERYONE AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON’T WANNA GET MARRIED ‘CAUSE OF HOW THEY’VE WITNESSED THEIR FRIENDS, PARENTS OR RELATIVES MARRIAGES, IN SOME CASES THAT IS. IT COULD BE THAT YOUR PARENTS GOT MARRIED IT ENDED TERRIBLY AND NOW YOU’RE AFFRAID TO MAKE THEIR MISTAKES…JUST A THOUGHT. LIKE I SAID MARRIAGE ISN’T FOR EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT FOR YOU AND BEST FOR YOU.
DON’T GET MARRIED CAUSE YOU WANT YOU CHILD/CHILDREN TO HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME AS YOU AND THEIR FATHER ‘CAUSE I’VE SEEN THAT HAPPEN IT DOESN’T MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP BETTER JUST ‘CAUSE YOU BOTH CARRY JONES AND SO DO JANE AND JOE.
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I’m also waiting until I get married. The day we decide that we want kids is when I’ll throw out my birth control
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IT’S NOT NECESSARILY A THING OF THE PAST. IT’S BECOMING MORE COMMON TO NOT GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN…I SAY DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. IF YOU DON’T WANNA GET MARRIED FOR WHATEVER REASON THEN DON’T. IT’S NOT UNCOMMON TO HAVE SINGLE PARENT HOMES/FAMILY OR FAMILIES WHERE THE PARENTS LIVE COMMON LAW (SEE THE WORK COMMON’S IN THERE)
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The answer to that question is Not “do what works for you” but do what our heavenly creator intended from the beginning! He intended that all children would have a mother and a father in the home. The fact that society has gotten away from that is the problem.(not being religious just real) Kids were supposed to be raised in a loving 2 parent home–the fact of the matter is nowadays most black men in particular and men in general do not want the responsibility that was intended for them to have. women are now in the mans role and men are now in the womens role–by that I mean most women have to hold down the house while trying to raise the kids because there is no man around. Women you must take some of the blame too. If women would stop having so many kids by all these different men and all the kids in the home having different fathers things would not be so chaotic! Women have let their standards down. Make a man accountable for his actions. I bet if women would stop giving up sex so easy things would change. (now I know I am going to get a lot of flack for this one)–but truth is truth!!!
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No it’s not in the past. It’s still always better to have both parents in the home and it exists. It’s just not popular especially with people thinking that it cute and acceptable to have baby mommas and baby daddys. Things happen but we still need to be more responsible so that people aren’t crying and making excuses why they aren’t ready to be a parent. I think it is a problem that there are too many single parents. If you are not willing to marry your partner why have kids with them?
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I cosign 100%!
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I think that we stop valuing two-parent homes. It was meant from the beginning of creation for it to be two-parent homes- Adam & Eve. Am I right or wrong. However, things don’t work out in the marriage or relationship so we make due. If its just the father or mother doing by themselves. I am happliy married and I know that he will be there for our children. Some people just don’t find the right one. But I do believe that children should have both mother and father in the home.
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Janea, I agree with you. It’s become cute and fashionable to “play house” and act marriage without the benefits of marriage. In my opinion, you are absolutely right about Adam and Eve, but in this day and age, so many have thrown God’s designs out the window. It’s very sad to me. That’s their choice, so what can ya say?
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Marriage is becoming a thing of the past, particularly in the black community, because so many black women do not REQUIRE marriage. A lot of black women will move in with a man, have 3 children with him, and stay together for 8 years. When we stop lowering our standards and learn our value as women, then maybe we’ll see more marriages and 2-parent homes! That’s just my perspective.
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Yep. Mine too, PlainMean.
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It’s not always about us when it comes to bringing children in the world. We have to think about what’s best for the child. From what I’m seeing, a lot of women are getting pregnant by men they hardly know, and then whining and complaining that he’s a dog. Women are bringing lives into the world by a man they wouldn’t consider husband material, but will have a lifelong relationship with him because of the child (if he is so inclined to stay around to help you raise the child). That makes no sense to me. I understand relationships don’t always work out, but I don’t understand the argument of one parent vs. two because some marriages fail?
My mom was divorced with three children, so I’m not criticizing single mothers. She was a WONDERFUL mom, and I know some single mothers that rock. Their children are well-rounded and they do the best they can, but even they (including my mom) said they would not want to do it alone. It’s hard work and a child deserve to have both parents and an example of how marriage can be a beautiful union.
Do we really even know what marriage means and how it affects the community and world around us? I think some black people view marriage more negatively than others (JMO). Some blacks seems to have such a viserol attitude toward it. I’m blessed to have seen some very successful, beautifully married black couples, so I don’t see marriage as negative at all, but that’s me.
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Amen! But you know what Teri there is another reality. I have seen this sad reality with my own eyes. There are triflin women who will drive men away and cause drama so that they can do it all alone and be able to say that they did it all alone so that they can be favored by the kid. That is so unfair to the child and children ain’t stupid. I know a guy who resents his mother because she was the “drama” in the baby momma drama situation that she put herself in. His dad would literally have to sneak around and see his son because the mother was too proud to say that she needed a man and wouldn’t have him around. How foolish! She wasn’t saying that when they were in bed or wherever. I may be out of pocket for saying that because she is old enough to be my own mother but I promised myself to never be like that and I feel sorry for my friend. His dad tried to do the right thing and create a healthy environment for him. This might be another discussion though. I’m assuming we are talking about mature, responsible adults here LOL
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Yeah, I see what you are saying. That’s definitely another way of looking at it, huh.
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yea I just couldn’t hold it in. She’s real cool and treats me like her own daughter but she missed out on a good man. I would hear her down talking him and it was disgusting. He has a wife and family of his own now so he doesn’t have to put up with that anymore. My friend and his young siblings spend alot of time together and we both see his dad and family alot. Women like her need to grow up because children are watching and what happens in the dark will come to the light.
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You know, so many women out there are praying for good men, and then some women end up with them and don’t know how to treat them. The same thing with men. Hopefully his wife now appreciates him.
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I think that the goal of most is to be married before they have children but the day in which we live know the rate of children having children are increasing which makes the single parent home numbers increase.
On another note, so many people get married for the wrong reasons and that is the factor in why marriages end up in divorce (speaking from experience).
I agree that marriage is not for all, but if it is before you step into that category of being married make sure it is for the right reasons and not because it’s what is expected of you.
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Why get married if one even feels there is remotely a chance of divorcing before the child is even out of diapers? People need to be more careful with whom and why they marry, and if marriage is truly (do some honest soul searching) not for you, don’t allow others to make that choice for you. There are a few women who really have no desire to marry. For whatever reason my own desire to have a child has always been stronger than being a wife.
That said, I still respect/support the institution of marriage on certain levels, particularly when children are involved as I do believe BOTH parents should be fully involved in rearing children. Marriage represents some insurance (not a guarantee) towards that happening. But, there are also some single parents who are able to manage a partnership quite well rearing their children.
As the number of single parents increase, I am trying to imagine this society and a time when traditional marriage ceases to exist or becomes rare? I don’t know if I want to see it go away because the model is still appealing when its a healthy loving union and when there are children involved. I love seeing intact, happy traditional families myself, but neither do I look down on single parents, I am one, and I know that there are different roads that have been traveled that have arrived at that destination. You simply can’t lump, just like you can’t lump all marriages.
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Cosign 100%
My parents did not get married, infact, they broke up before I was even born. Yet, my sister and I still had happy healthy childhoods. People need to realize that just because a child does not live in a two parent home, does not mean that he or she is not being raised by both parents. As a child my sister and I would spend the school year with my mom and summers and weekends with my dad. Also, both houses had the same rules, and whenever there was a birthday, holiday, disciplinary issue, etc. our parents would come together to decide how to handle the situation
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No, it’s not in the past…it’s just not for everyone.
I’m a pretty spiritual person and felt a personal obligation to God to wain until I was married to have sex and start a family. But focus your attention on the word PERSONAL. It was my choice and I don’t regret it. That’s the way I was raised and luckily for me, my friends were raised the same way so I didn’t have to deal with peer pressure. The thing that kills me is the hypocrisy of it all. I would be a complete liar if I was to tell you that there wasn’t times when we could’ve been single parents. People get caught up in the moment and make mistakes. It happens. Thankfully, we were able to make it past those close calls.
Although, I was brought up to value a two-parent home I would leave my husband in a hot minute if I felt that he was detrimental to the well-being of me, my family or my child in any way. What’s the use of being in a “family” if you’re completely miserable and living a lie. All it will produce is miserable children.
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I believe in two-parent families. Too many of our children are being denied this privilege/right. The problem is we have become too selfish and simply don’t want to learn how to live with each other (man and woman). No one wants to compromise or bend a little. It’s my way or the highway. The welfare system (1964) unfortunately helped to decimate our community. It gave us the option of not having to deal with the opposite gender. The father had to leave the home for us to get a government check. This, more than anything, helped to fuel the 70% rate of illegitimacy we see today. Prior to 1964, our families were stable and intact. The majority of our black children had fathers in the home. And our young men weren’t taking that one-way ticket to prison. It is the exact opposite today. Today, our young women have few decent potential husbands to choose from.
We need a rethink. We, as black women have taken on too much that we should just let the men handle. Because we always like to pick up the pieces; we like to be in control. Let it fall to the ground and so the men can pick up the slack. Step back and let the men do what they need to do. Then we will see a change. We can still reverse the horrible trend we see today. But we have to learn how to live together, to love and respect each other.
Marriage then parenthood needs to be promoted. We should not be giving ourselves to men who have not made a formal, legally binding commitment to us. We cheat our children and ourselves by putting the cart before the horse…
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Well said!
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Kinereth, your comments are on point! You know what though? So many men don’t know how to pick up the pieces. They don’t know their place in society, heck, even the family or community in which they live. One of the consequences to what you were talking about (the welfare system helping to decimate the family) is the reason why so many men don’t know how to take the reins. They didn’t have a father in the household, and so many didn’t have other men, such as grandfathers or uncles to show them the way either. Many just don’t have the skills. So many men want to play the “man” roll, but lack the tools to do so. This is another consequence to the “I don’t need a man to have a child” syndrome. I don’t think we really consider the long-term historical impact these things have. I, too, feel sorry for our young women today.
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Yes, I agree. I grew up in a two parent home but my child didn’t experience that. I really thinks it’s important, had I known what I know now, I would not have had children until I was married.
When having a baby you need Mental, Physical, Emotional and Financial Support..it’s so hard to raise children…..especially boys..I feel that boys need to have an male figure around to teach them how to be a MAN and be responsible and to teach them how to take care of his family…..Us women need to set more STANDARDS for ourselves…
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I don’t think that marriage and the two parent home is a thing of the past, I just feel as though there are many people now that just don’t want to be married, but want kids. Myself I’m not sure if I want to get married however I do know that I want kids and want a strong relationship but marriage isn’t for everyone, but just because you aren’t married doesn’t mean that there aren’t two parents raising the kids.
Now I don’t think that parents should stay together just so that their kids can have both parents in the home because in some cases it would be better for the children and the parents for the parents to seperate and raise the kids that way, because all parties involved will be happier.
I don’t know I just think that people need to stop being so judgemental and let other people live their lives for them
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Who’s being judgmental? BCK posed a question and people gave their opinion.
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I was talking about people in general not specifically people on here.
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My apologies.
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It definately seems that way. Don’t forget about church. Most of these single parents neglect to teach their kids anything about God as well. I know I will get jumped on, but it is so true.
The only person that are hurt from these situations are the kids. Three different daddies with separate brothers and sisters from the daddy. One kid, I met had 7 brothers and sister from the daddy and 5 from the mama. What kid can keep up with all this mess. Not to mention, how many his other brothers and sisters had with the mother.
When God comes back, I just wonder what he is going to say??
My cousin choose not to marry, because Government support. If a men can lay up with me, he better be able to take care of me and my kids. Plan and simple. Instead these guys are getting free rent and food. Ladies we got to do better.
I’m not trying to judge. But, just read the Bible it will direct the path we should go. It never changes, but we do.
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No. I don’t think married couples are a thing of the past.
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Your question implies that marriage and a two-family household is a trend, an outdated trend. It is a way of life that some people still aspire to, but have no idea how to maintain. Just because it’s difficult to maintain, does that mean we can’t try or aspire for that? Maybe the problem is married couples are taking advice fromt their single/divorced friends. As a rule, I don’t take advice from anybody who isn’t doing what I want to be doing. A woman who is unhappy in her marriage can’t tell me jack. My single friends, and I love them dearly, can’t tell me a dang thing about staying married and making it work.
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The married two parent family will remain, but single parent numbers will continue to rise for the time being.
You have more single moms currently who are not the stereotypical teen or welfare mom. The single mom ranks are increasingly those older sucessful women who put their careers first and decide to have children on their own instead of waiting for a marriage to materialize. Not to mention the ranks of single moms continue to rise due to high divorce rates. Some folks are marrying and haven’t figured out why and then divorcing months later or a year or two later, what’s the point really if the union is to be that short lived especially when children are brought into the mix.
I also believe that there is a trend towards people not really wanting to put in that effort to work together, with shorter attention spans and too many distractions and focus on the individual instead of a partnership and riding through the ups and downs of what that may present.
Whether married or not, I believe that both parents should be involved in raising a child. That child came from two people and short of one parent of the other passing, their is no excuse for that not to happen. Marriage just provides a little more insurance of that happening, but no guarantee.
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Dear God I hope not.
I was raised w/a mom & step-father. Although I wanted the same for my son, it was not meant to happen that way. However, I’m not sure I would change that if I had to do it again.
Marriage is important for sanity sakes all around…mom, dad & kids. It may not be for everyone, but if you can love someone long enough to make a decision to have a child w/them, then you can make a decision to give it a try to be married to them.
I think it’s more like people are not valuing relationship much. If we value one another more, then we’ll value the relationship we have w/them more.
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I’m still looking for some critical, political analysis in posts like these. When I was born my parents were married. My father was a high school drop-out that found a career in the Army and a letter carrier. My mother was a college grad and computer programmer/analyst.
Both are black and believed in marriage. What broke up their marriage was post-traumatic stress/slavery syndrome. Both were unable to maintain a stable home for their children. Both came up through cycles of abject poverty, domestic abuse/violence, alcoholism, and mental illness. Marriage did NOT break these cycles.
To this day I carry with me the memory of divorce, my father’s violence towards women, and my mothers illnesses. I knew and was raised around both parents but I would be less traumatized not having known my father who was a monster. My mother insisted we knew him.
Is is hard not to see why me and my sisters don’t see marriage as an ideal? In many ways I feel like I’m damned either way (single or married) and I am terrified of repeating those cycles for children I’m afraid to have.
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Dear Virgie,
I was on the verge of crying as I read your honest and heartfelt comment above. I for one appreciate your authenticity…your realness is so INSPIRING to me today.
Thank you for sharing some of your personal history on BCK. You are cut from royal cloth and a rich American heritage.
I love family so much and respect others that do so to, no matter what the composition of the family, single moms/dads/grannies/uncles/aunties,etc.
The institution of marriage is good…it’s the people making up the marriage that make a marriage turn out positive or negative.
Have a beautiful day and life, Dr. Virgie!
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Virgie, I don’t think that it was the marriage necessarily, but that your parents had unresolved issues to work-out before marrying and having children and they didn’t and ended up bringing all those issues into the marriage.
I don’t know them, but they probably married with high ideals and expectations, but for all the wrong reasons, like many others. Marriage does not magically transform anything or anyone. I really see it as an insurance measure (aside from the l.o.v.e. factor) that may pan, and may not, but I still see a benefit in trying to secure that “insurance” anyway–at least for the average joe/jane that wishes to start a family. I certainly don’t believe in marriage, for marriage sake. Your mom thought she was doing the right thing (marrying/keeping your father in her children’s life), but sometimes you’ve got to throw out the playbook when things throw you a curve. In hindsight, she probably wish she had.
Despite having certain patterns repeated in my own life, I do know that patterns/cycles can be broken. You already have it clear what cycles/patterns you don’t wish to have repeated in your life, that is a good start. Committ to it, but cut your self some slack should you fall short at times. You are not your parents, their mistakes are not yours. I know this for myself too. (((Hugs))), again
.
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Ditto, GTSA..I believe strongly in family and family values even more so than the institution of marriage.
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GTSA, a huge hand-clap goes out to you. Excellent response!
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GTSA you are so right. My parents divorced and split when I was 8 years old. One of them was very selfish and did marry for the wrong reasons. I was too young to see alot of things that I saw and heard but at a very young age I knew these things were true. Unlike those who suffered when parents decided to stay together my life was destroyed at 8 yrs old when I knew my dad was going to be coming home anymore. He was the protector, the provider and the only man I loved. He was still around to care for me and I see that I had what I needed but it wasn’t the same for me. I could tell that it wasn’t the same for him either. I’m 20 years old now and it still hurts when I think about that because those sad feelings come back. Overall he is the best father and my mom did a good job but if I could turn back the hands of time…
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No way! I am getting married in June. I don’t have any children. And my wife doesn’t have any children. We are getting married before we have children. Don’t look at these rich celebrities who believe in having a bunch of babies without ever being married. They don’t dictate the rules of life.
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Congrats Big Blue! I am glad to see that you already refer to your fiance as your wife.
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Thank you, Big Blue! And congratulations on your impending marriage.
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Yes, I congratulate you too, Big Blue. I agree with your post 100%.
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Me, too! Congrats.
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Congrats Big Blue! You’re about to be a hubby!!!
I agree man. Enjoy each other first before extending the love. That’s a beautiful idea to have and I know there are other men who think the same way you do. I also agree that some of these celebrities are setting terrible examples. I know it’s a to each his own kind of life but people are gullible enough to follow irresponsibly after those who have the most money and fame smh. Again Congratulations
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Thing of the past……..with who? always been a thing of the past in the black race. Ask a black person do they know 10 single friends who are single parents and they will say yes. Ask that same question to someone white,asian,indian,african,ethopian,etc and you will definitely get a no. We as a black race here in America see nothing wrong with spitting out babies and not married. As a matter of fact so many people are glorifying that and it is sickening. Why should our children always be the last ones on the list? in school,not having a 2parent home, seeing that it is okay to have 10 brothers and sisters by different mamas and daddies, etc. I don’t give a dayum what day and time it is, the Bible tells us what is right and we should abide by it. If we don’t we can always be forgiven by God and just try harder. We are living in the last days, believe that.
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I come from a home with two parents that have been married for 32 years, but my parents constantly had confrontation. My mom always argued with my dad about his cheating. I think that a two parent household in this day and age is unrealistic, that’s why i don’t want any kids my mom says that there relationship was fine until she started having babies. She always told me you will know a man’s true feelings for you when you start having his kids because in my parents marriage it’s when the kids came the drama started to this day i have a hard time trusting people because of all the bull we went through with my dad i think the only reason they stayed together was because of us to me it takes a strong man and woman to make a marriage work because it is not easy. I know friends who live with there baby daddy’s and just because he pays for everything they tell me well i don’t care he buys me things so i don’t care if he cheats and there lots of people i know that even have open marriages it’s like people now don’t want to get married because of the commitment. I think if you take those vows till death do us part you should stick to it. marriage to me is just so unrealistic because people just don’t take marriage seriously anymore and then you have people having babies out of wedlock like crazy and some men and women think it’s cute to have 4 and 5 baby momma’s i think in today’s world you will have more baby momma’s and baby daddy’s instead of the two-parent household anymore
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lUVBUG,
It hasn’t always been a thing of the past in our race go back to the 50s and 60s the number were higher than it is now. What people don’t understand is why has things changed since then. I think we are a people who value marriage more than most other races in this country because of our religious beliefs but something has changed since 30- 40 years ago.
Another thing you haft to look at some of the social issues that go on and went on in this country to understand how things got to where they are. Many people just right off blacks in this country without understanding why certain things happens. Take at welfare for example it has a lot to do with why the marriage rate has declined over the years upon blacks. The rules said you couldn’t have a man in the home if you wanted assistance and if a man was in the home a person could go to jail. Welfare rules has helped to destroy our community over the years. You can’t set up rules to take a man out of the home then expect him to be in the home. It doesn’t work that way.
We shouldn’t be compared to whites because i don’t think they value marriage they just get married because it sounds good an sounds right. Look at all of these white women who say they get married to the father of their children because they don’t just want child support. That’s not a reason to get married. Many of these women make these men marry them who wants to get married to somebody you’d haft to bully into marrying you?
Married two parent families are becoming a thing of the past but it shouldn’t be and its not too late to change it. And like Raegan said if your relationship crumbles life goes on children still need to be raised. Married two parent family or not.
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Around me most people are in stable relationships with kids, not all of them are married but you don’t need marriage to be stable. My aunt and uncle have been together for 25 years without getting married.
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this is true too Anna
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BCKAY……….DOES IT MAKE IT RIGHT? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. WE AS A BLACK RACE THINK IT IS OKAY AND ACCEPTABLE TO KEEP HAVING ALL OF THESE KIDS OUT OF WEDLOCK. HAVE U NOT NOTICED THAT A BROTHA IS QUICK TO MARRY ANY OTHER RACE OF WOMAN BESIDES A BLACK ONE. THEN HE START HAVING BABIES WITH THAT WOMAN. IF HE GETS HER PREGNANT BEFORE HE STILL MARRIES HER. BLACK WOMEN NEED TO FIND THEMSELVES FIRST INSTEAD OF TRYING TO TRAP OR KEEP A MAN. I HAVE SEEN SOME OF YOU RANT AND RAVE ABOUT KELIS, WHY? AT LEAST SHE WAS MARRIED BEFORE SHE HAD A BABY. WHEN A BROTHA MARRIES A SISTAH, ALOT OF U STILL HAVE SOMETHING NEGATIVE TO SAY. PERSONALLY, I THINK SOME OF U ARE JEALOUS BECAUSE OF UR OWN SITUATION. MOST OF YA KNOW DAYUM WELL U CAN’T FIND NO 10 OF ANY OTHER RACE OF WOMEN SINGLE WITH CHILDREN,PLZZZZZZ.
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luvbug,
Some think it’s ok because as time passed it has become acceptable but it hasn’t always been acceptable. It doesn’t make it right i was just trying to explain how we got to where we are. People can try to dismiss it but no one can say that we weren’t and aren’t affected by those things. I can’t relate to trying to trap and keep a man because i don’t get down like that. I don’t need a man and won’t accept just anybody nor will I ever try to trap someone who may not want me because i’m not desperate, there may be women who do these things but i’m not one of them. I do not think it’s ok to keep having kids out of wedlock because it is better for children but i also think people should get married for the right reasons and get married to the right person without bullying them to do so.
We need to examine why people aren’t getting married and look at the situation single black women are in when they have children. These men aren’t married to the mother of their children nor are they involved in their children’s lives at all. We are having a conversation about marriage but if these men won’t be involved in their children’s lives now what makes you think they are going to marry the woman? You said this has always been a thing of the past in the black race which isn’t true. What we need to do is examine what has happened from then to now because in the past the black marriage rate was much higher than it is now. For things to change conditions will haft to change. There are larger issues that must be solved before we can start fixing families.
I’ve never said anything about Kelis and her marriage i don’t even be on this site as often as i used to so i really don’t know what you’re talking about. I have no reason to be jealous of anybody you must be talking about others that have posted on here because i know i never gave anyone a reason to believe that i may be jealous of anything or anybody. Black men are quick to marry any other race of women besides a black one but i can’t change that and i really don’t understand it but it does happen. Maybe someone need to ask them why this happens.
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Your comment to luvbug was very thought-provoking. I just wanted to say that we think the majority of BM are married to others. While the incidents of IR relationships/marriages are growning, the majority of BM are married to BW.
Just wanted to add that.
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I am 22 and always told myself marriage is the right thing to do because I went to Catholic school my entire life. Marriage was endoctrine into the whole schooling especially private schools. I had a great talk with my male friends they basically said if your married and have kids your still a baby mom just with a ring. It made me think is this the way all guys think about marriage. To each its own what works for one may not work for the other. Some people literally have a phobia of marriage because they saw bad experiences. I don’t know what will happen in a year or month so I don’t judge anyone for their perference. Marriage is a good thing but hardwork. If your not willing to put in the work don’t rush unhappiness.
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Sounds like your male friends are immature and ignorant! A wife is a baby mama with a ring? I don’t think most men feel that way. Lord, I hope not!
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GTSA–Wow, that was deep and you’re so RIGHT. Do you do this for a living (LOL)….I need to talk to you on my own personal issues…(smile)….
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SexyMom, actually, I am still figuring a lot of things as I go along, same as everyone else
. I have found a lot of insight on this entire thread, your previous post included. I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s take/perspective.
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It’s only a thing of the past for those who can’t get married or stay married…so they trivialize marriage.
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In my opinion there is a difference between a two parent home and a two parent family. My child’s father and I do not live together nor are we in a relationship but we are a family none the less. People always assume that women are getting pregnant by men that they barely know and end up raising kids all alone and the father is no where to be found. While I know that this happens often, it is not always the case. I never would have believed that my child’s father wasn’t going to be my husband and that we weren’t going to grow old together. But sometimes life throws you a curveball and you have to roll with. Regardless of the fact that we didn’t work out as a couple we still have a child together. We make decisions on behalf of our child together and we share in all parenting activities. My daughter has a mother and a father in her life that love her with all their being. Both of us have moved on and began relationships but we will always be family. So we are very much in my opinion a 2 parent family and nothing will ever change that.
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It’s not a thing of the past in my family. All my sisters and I are married to our children’s fathers. (Oh sorry, maybe my “beige” family doesn’t count…hmmmmm….
) But seriously, two of my sisters don’t have “beige” families and it’s working just fine both ways for all of us!
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I DEFINITELY think a 2-parent family is a thing of the past! I am 32 years old and I was a freshman in college before I even knew that some black couples who actually marry – can and do and stay together forever and do not cheat on each other!
Growing up all I saw were single parent families or if the parents were married/together – one or both of them was ALWAYS cheating! So when I went to Lincoln University (HBCU) in Jefferson City, Mo (in 1996) I actually met a lot of black males/females whose parents had been together forever and they had full (not half) siblings and it was a perfect family…at least from the outside *LOL*.
But I do think that 2-parent families is a thing of the past! Its true but sad!
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It’s God’s plan for us to produce Godly seeds. Two parent Godly households are needed. Children need to see a Man of God (there father) who loves his wife without mercy. Children need to see how a Woman of God (there mother) builds up her husband. Remember a wise woman does not tear down her house. A he that finds a wife finds a good thing. Two parent Goldy Households is what the Lord place us on this earth to have. Without it how can one train up a child to serve the Lord?
Yes two parent households are becoming a thing of the past but I’m praying and fasting for marriages.
The just shall live by faith. Let’s go!!!!!!!!
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