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CHILLI TALKS ABOUT ABORTION OF HER FIRST CHILD

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On a recent episode of her show What Chilli Wants, TLC member Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas opens up about aborting  her first child with producer Dallas Austin:

“When I was in TLC, the first producer that we worked with was Dallas Austin. I was in the relationship, I got pregnant first time and I didn’t have the support. I was so scared and I did not know what to do and chose not to have it. One of the biggest mistakes.

I’m 20, my career hadn’t really started. How do I do all that? How do I be a mommy. It messed me up. It broke my spirit. I feel like I became not my strong self anymore. I feel like I gave in and broke to what someone else wanted. I would break down and just cry because I wasn’t a mommy. I cried almost every day for almost 9 years. And then I was caught up. I had to have a baby. I had to fix it and the only way I could fix it was with that person. I could only have this baby with him because the baby I didn’t have was with him. As time went on, I was able to break away from the relationship because I knew he was always being true to himself, I was not. I was compromising who I was as a person to please this person. And I think so many women do that. We shouldn’t but it happens (Source).”

Chilli now has a 12-year-old son named Tron.

BCK Says: This is a sensitive topic so please be mindful of your comments. Any offensive comments will be deleted.

Tags : Posted in : Singers and their Kids

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125 Comments to “CHILLI TALKS ABOUT ABORTION OF HER FIRST CHILD”

  • iNik December 28, 2011 at 2:47 am

    Brth Kids^^^

  • iNik December 28, 2011 at 2:41 am

    I Feel As Tho She Should’ve Kept Her Baby Its Ppl Put Here Now That Can’t Even Birkid ids An Wouldve Gave Their Right Arm 2 Take Care Of 1 An She Wasn’t N The Position 2 Take Care Of 1??? Most Females Take Care Of. Kids Wit A Habit Minimum Wage And N The Hood God Shows Us That Birth Is A Uniqe Thing And @ Even Given Time U Turn Dwn A Gift From God An Actually Thnk That It Was 4 The Betta Then Thats A Person I Cant Respect #My Opnion

  • tray July 4, 2010 at 9:52 am

    i can completly relate to everything chilli was saying, and noone will ever truely understand how you feel until they are put in that situation! I will never compramise my beliefs in order to please someone again. you gotta stay true to yourself

  • xamaica June 8, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    BCK IF YOU DEEM IT TO BE SUCH A SENSITIVE (AND IT’S) ISSUE WHY WRITE ABOUT IT?

  • Tera May 18, 2010 at 10:53 am

    I commend Chili for her courage to share her private struggle. Abortion is a topic that challenges you-no matter who you are….The right to “choose” a womans right should not be questioned. I agree, but you should consider this:

    1 in 3 women have had an abortion.
    50% of post-abortive women are under the age of 25.
    50% of teen pregnancies end in abortion.
    Black women are 5 times more likely to have an abortion than white women.
    13% of American women are black, but black women have 37% of all abortions.
    The federal Centers for Disease Control estimates that on average 1,876 black babies are aborted each day in the United States — or more than 500,000 children per year. (The total number {inclusive of all races} of aborted babies are: 3,000 per day, and 1.2 million per year.
    Since 1973, 50 million children overall have been aborted, 16 million of them were African-American which has reduced the black population by over 25%. (Fifty million represents a population greater than any state, greater than California (36 million), greater than the next two largest states—Texas and New York—combined (23 million and 19 million, respectively). In fact, if you combined the entire populations of all of the 25 states with the fewest people, it still would not equal 50 million)
    Abortion is the leading killer of African-Americans: twice as many African-Americans have died from abortion than have died from AIDS, accidents, violent crimes, cancer, and heart disease combined.
    Planned Parenthood operates the nation’s largest chain of abortion clinics and almost 80 percent of its facilities are located in minority neighborhoods.
    78% of women who have had an abortion profess to have a church affiliation.

    I believe we have to educate young women about their bodies, who they are and on the plan God has for them. We should also educate young men about respecting women, and getting in position to care for a family. We can’t continue to sign off on abortion and not deal with the long-term emotional, mental, spiritual and societal consequences it’s having on our nation. True “choice” is educating women on their options and walking them through one-by-one! It’s time we arm ourselves with truth and facts to share with the generations to come!

  • AshRye May 13, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    BOTTOM LINE- ABORTION IS WRONG! No matter what the circumstances are of the baby coming into existence, it’s a life therefore ABORTION is equivalent to MURDER. It’s just a legal form of HOMICIDE. If she wasn’t prepared to deal with a child, she should’ve used protection.

  • Teri May 12, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    @Khrish – I clicked “submit” before I finished my thoughts. I agree that the government, whom all ready infringes on our rights, has no place in governing people’s lives and personal choices. They are not God. I hate the intrusion.

  • Teri May 12, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    Like you, I’ve always wanted to adopt but when my husband told me that he didn’t feel he could love an adopted child they way he loved our own children, I gave up on it.

    @Khrish – you know, I wondered that same thing at one time about whether I could love an adopted child like my own. It’s sad that your husband didn’t want to go through with it. If there was some uncertainly about it, I could understand why you decided not to adopt. Some family friends of our adopted a half Vietnamese/black girl over 30 years ago. From what I understand, you can love an adopted child just as much as your own.

    I find it appauling that people are forced to go overseas to adopt when there are so many children right here just waiting for homes. Why must the U.S. make it so difficult. They complain about the problem, but then squash people’s hopes by making the process expensive and tedious.

    As far as the high abortion rate among black women, a family member, whom had had multiple abortions in the past passed along this information. I decided to look it up and discovered that many believe that these numbers are high due to the aggressive marketing of abortion providers in black communities. I’m sure you’ve heard of the eugenics movement. They are even saying that the rate is high among Hispanics as well. These numbers are in comparison to whites. If you know of any information refuting this, please let me know because this is a very interesting topic for me.

    That story of those boys abused by that evil adopted mother sickened me. My mind cannot wrap around such evil. How? Why? Thank God for the new mama and daddy that stepped up and took those boys in. That story had me crying the whole way through.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Khrish.

  • a victim of choice May 12, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    Wow! Let’s forget the babies for a second. I think we all agree it’s a baby. Or at the minimum it’s alive in order to terminate/kill it. Let’s talk about women. Chilli is a woman who admits being hurt by her “Choice”. Abortion is deception. It’s a lie that it’s going to make it all better. You were still pregnant with something. So you are what, a potential mother or father. Once you are pregnant, it’s too late. Abortion doesn’t make you like you were before. It just ends the pregnancy or life. Though you still have pregnancy hormones and test positive on pregnancy test. Most blacks are ignorant- which means they lack knowledge. We have our beliefs and they are based on erroneous information. Do your own research. Abortion hurts women, families, grandparents. We need to discuss it in the black community. Sometimes the numbers are skewed. Sometimes they are true representations of the problem that we refuse to accept. Black women kill their babies just like white women. We are endangered species. Mexicans are less likely which is why they are the majority now. Let me tell you how it affects us all. I’m in Texas. I had an abortion. I stopped working because I couldn’t cope with the pain, grief, shame and regret. My family is affected because they see/share my suffering. Since I didn’t work, I am currently losing my home to foreclosure which affects the community. Foreclosures are up, which effects consumer confidence. So you may think you aren’t affected, but indirectly we all are. Women are hurting. They drink more afterwards. Become more promiscuous. I live in an urban area. If abortion wasn’t so readily available, I wouldn’t have sought one out especially if it were illegal. Women who have abortions feel trapped. She cuts out her baby to free herself and is thrust into a living hell of guilt shame and judgment, the Scarlet Letter (A). We believe the lie. And I wasn’t that young, but unmarried.I knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb. My people perish for a lack of knowledge. Get informed. Read the studies. see aborted babies/fetus. If you are Christian, you are adopted into the family of Christ. But we view adoption negatively in this country. There are programs to assist single and new parents during the 1st year of life. If you ever worked, you paid into welfare so what’s the shame if you need assistance. We are shamed into abortion becuase we are single and financially unstable. then we are shamed afterwards. If we are educated and aware of resources we may fall PREY to abortion.

  • Mysterious May 12, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    My situation is almost identical to Chili’s. When I found out I was pregnant I wanted to keep my baby. I was actually looking forward to becoming a mom. My boyfriend, on the other hand, wasn’t as excited. When he asked me to have an abortion I was shocked. We both agreed that if I were to become pregnant we would keep the baby, that was always the plan. For a whole week we argued and fought over me having an abortion. Just like Chili, I gave in and agreed to have the abortion. All of the arguing and fighting made me emotionally & physically tired, it’s no excuse but it did play a big part. To this day I regret it, because I let him pressure me into doing something I didn’t want to do. And now I find myself being picky about the type of guys I date. I find something wrong with everyone. And I’ve noticed that I have a lot of hatred towards my ex-boyfriend. I appreciate Chili for opening up and talking about this subject. Hearing her story made me realize that I’m not alone when it comes to this ordeal. I can honestly say that I’ve learned from my mistake. Since the abortion (2 years ago), I have been celibate. I’m determined not to make the same mistake AGAIN!

  • Kim May 12, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    There are over 125,000 kids in foster care available for adoption. In some states the cost is less than $500. In many states like N Carolina there is no cost. Over 40% of the kids are Black.

    • Teri May 12, 2010 at 11:37 pm

      Thanks for that information. Too bad I don’t live in NC. It’s too bad that there are so many children but not enough people able to willing to take them in, especially the hard to place kids.

  • Stormy May 12, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I am actually VERY SURPRISED that BCK chose to even put this as a topic on BCK !!!! On this site, kids are the celebration !!!!! So why discuss something so horrible ???? !!!!!

    On the other hand, why would Chilli talk about an abortion that happened nearly 20 years ago ???? Who cares – its over and done with now and she has to live with her decision the rest of her life…not us !!!!!

  • Lola Monroe May 12, 2010 at 11:28 am

    I really commend Chilli for being able to talk about this hard subject. I find myself dealing with this very subject right now….I made the terrible decision 3 years ago & have been living with the guilt every single day since. I seriously cry everyday because of it…not one day goes by that I dont think about my baby. I have asked God for forgiveness & I know that I am forgiven…but sometimes if you have not forgiven yourself…nothing else matters. Hopefully one day I will be able to do just that.

  • Ariel May 12, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Anyone who is going through this, know that help is out there. A lot of confidential groups have counseling specific to this. Know that you’re not alone. Seek out these counselors so you will have someone to talk to ( you can google for information in your area). Always remember god loves you!

  • BrwnSantiLove May 12, 2010 at 3:35 am

    All I have to say is I hope she works on dealing with what she did everyday (therapists), and isn’t on happy pills because of the choice. For her and her son’s sake.

  • my2cents May 12, 2010 at 1:37 am

    It’s sad that she experienced this and felt that she didn’t have any sound councel for assistance. She was right.. it is unfortunate that a lot of woman are coerced towards abortion, instead of being taught to only give there gems to their own husband. Although some want share it… but abortion is another form of genocide through the black female. Think about it.. where are the clinics.. who’s the target…

  • KeppIt100! May 11, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Im 15 yrs old, and obviously have something truthful to say. Chilli is a beutiful girl, who at the time wasnt in the right postion to have her baby. I have researched lots of times on abortions nd how many women regret it while others are completly satisfied nd thats okay. However, everyone is totally differnt, but for me, i would NEVER have an abortion, god gave me this life nd hold me acountable for my actions, so the baby is apart of me know.

  • WritingStudent May 11, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    I agree. I’d rather see a woman with 7 kids vs. know she had 7 aboirtions. A single-mom w/ 7 kids may have an uphill battle, but at least she didn’t make the child pay for her error in judgement. Each one of those seven individuals has the opportunity to live life, an opportunity I (and those children’s mother) was given.

    We all know ppl can go either way (good/bad) but who am I to take away someone’s life, after I opted not to be more responsible in the 1st place? I know where babies come from, I know how to protect myself, I know what my reality is and if I should decide to throw caution and what I know to the wind, why should someone else have to pay?

    And yes, I do mentor foster children and I will most likely adopt before I have my own. I’ve been a member of Big Bros & Big Sis since H.S. and I know exactly the harmful effects of unprepared or bad parenting- YET, I could never imagine taking one of those children away from the world and their future.

    (Nor do I understand ppl who picket and bomb clinic, thats pointless, education & self-respect are the things to slow the abortion/unplanned parenthood trend)

    Life can be a stuggle but it can also be wonderful and the greatest people can grow out of the harhest situations.

    Everyone is here talking about “I don’t judge.” Well I’m not judging, I haven’t condemned one person to hell and I am not the one anyone should come to for forgiveness. But in life you must have an opinion- IF YOU DON’T STAND FOR SOMETHING YOU’LL FALL FOR ANYTHING. We were all babies and children once, we caused our parents hardships, heartaches and un-due grief, but I don’t think if they (or our grandparents) could go back in time with the technology/freedom for abortion, they’d get rid of us.

    Chilli made a decision and it haunts her. I’m sorry she wasn’t then mature enough to have made better decisions REGARDING HER LIFE pre-1st-pregnancy and while pregnant. I believe Chilli’s remorse, but I don’t believe too many woman are sorry, b/c an abortion is a “ME”/”I” act (except in the case of rape or incest)…and I’m not asking anyone for an excuse or apology, Chilli didn’t owe anyone her confession….

    BUT what is also true about this issue is, if you can kill your child before they even have a chance to “take their first breath/cry/wake you up/make you laugh-or-cry etc” you shouldn’t be a parent in the 1st place.

  • Teri May 11, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    I’ve been reading the term “don’t judge” quite a bit, and thought, we all judge, don’t we? We make judgements everyday. Isn’t that how we filter what’s right and wrong w/o condemning someone?

    Someone? Anyone?

    • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 11:12 pm

      @Teri, No. I base right and wrong on what God says is right and wrong (the Bible). Do I always follow what he says? No! We are human and we all make mistakes. We all do make choices which are also called judgements everyday. There is a difference between making decisions, choices, & judgements and PASSING JUDGEMENT which IS conddemning our neighbors for their mistakes. God warns us about this. It’s His job, no one elses.

      • Teri May 12, 2010 at 11:50 am

        @Anonymous – I agree! PASSING JUDGEMENT is not the same thing as MAKING A JUDGEMENT. I hope that I have never passed judgement on anyone because only God knows the heart, and Lord knows, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes.

        I, too, base my values on biblical principles. No everyone agrees, but each answers to his/her life. However, every times someone states an opinion around here, people always accuse someone of passing judgement or make the, “stop being judgemental” statement. Maybe my memory escapes me, but no one condemned Chilli or anyone else to hell, so???

    • Leo May 12, 2010 at 12:09 am

      Thank you, Teri! Everyone makes judgments about everyone and everything in this world, for good or for ill. That’s how we form opinions – we examine something, formulate our own decisions i.e. JUDGMENTS, and then act or speak accordingly.

      Though I do notice the ones that squeal “You don’t get to judge me!” the loudest tend to be guilty of some hair-raising crud themselves, yet that doesn’t stop them from passing judgment all the same.

      As for Chili, that was and is clearly a decision that haunts her to this day. Just seeing how affected she has been by it makes me more determined to never, ever have to even contemplate that procedure. (Never mind that abortion is illegal out here; if a woman really wants to end her pregnancy, she’ll find a way.)

      • Anonymous May 12, 2010 at 10:00 am

        Leo even though I stand by what I said about this, I like yours better lol. This is true. I get sick of people putting their noses in the air about everything. We should know what’s wrong and right and we should also remind each other as humans the difference when we see each other slipping. That doesn’t mean to bring out the soap box. That’s all I’m trying to say. I never anything against single mothers as some people keep whining about. I know too many of them and for a while had one. I realize that things happen in relationships and that others simply act irresponsibly. I don’t look down on anybody because I know it can easily be me one day as long as I haven’t been pregnant yet which I haven’t been. I might come to the fork in the road when I’m confused about my life and don’t know if I should bring anyone into it even though right now I say I would never kill my seed, personally. I might even have a husband someday who ends up being abusive or a habitual liar and cheater and I won’t be able to take it anymore and end up being a single parent to our child. We just don’t know the feelings until we’ve been in those shoes. I never go “she shouldn’t have done this. How dare she? This is going to happen since she did that” after it’s been done. I don’t know anything except what happened which can be right or wrong but it’s not my place to make a ruling over her and look down at the situation. I’m going to prevent myself from being in emotional pain while I can.

      • Teri May 12, 2010 at 12:54 pm

        @Leo – I cosign to the highest degree! What country do you reside in? Wow, so if abortion is illegal, women that want them have to go underground. That’s can be safe?

        • Leo May 12, 2010 at 1:24 pm

          I’m in Jamaica. For those who can afford it, there are OB/Gyns who will perform abortions for a tidy sum – but they can’t advertise or else they’ll be prosecuted for it. If you’re middle to upper class and you want one done, you go the word-of-mouth route to find a willing doctor.

          For the rest who can’t afford to pay a proper doctor for the task, that’s where it gets dangerous. I’ve heard of women and girls taking pills and herbal concoctions to trigger miscarriages, going to ‘experts’ who perform a botched job that either leaves them sterile if it doesn’t kill them (some of these women end up in hospitals needing a D&C after these wrecked procedures)…and some try to perform abortions on themselves using the ever popular clothes-hanger method. >_<

          Any attempt to legalise it out here has always been firmly quashed by the Government, the Church and other bodies.

    • Mimosa May 12, 2010 at 1:15 am

      Of course, but some people don’t realize it or don’t want to admit that it is IMPOSSIBLE to live and NOT judge. Whether we open our mouths to voice the judgement, post a comment on a blog or just think it there’s no way around it.

  • Teri May 11, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    tj says:
    May 11, 2010 at 9:23 pm
    Teri, I hear you, but I have never met a person who was against abortion who cared about what someone they never met is doing with their unwanted child. Meaning I have never heard these people who hold signs and protest abortion ever use that same energy to help out foster care or kids in juvenile detention or single mothers. All they care about is abortion. They don’t do too much once the child is here except complain about single mothers and why the pregnancy could have been avoided. They always seem to be hypocritical. They don’t care about the child if the pregnancy comes to term. They only care about the abortions.I think prolifers are really pro-abortion because it gives them something to protest and get on their high horse about.
    ———————————————
    Hi TJ, I hear exactly where you are coming from, but you know what? I have to say that I used to volunteer at the Pregnancy Resource Center here in my home town (the name has since changed) and we did a lot to educate women about the options they had. We did not encourage abortion because it was Christian-based, but we never, ever put down a woman who decided to have an abortion. We made resources available to them. We also gave them pregnancy tests. We didn’t try to beat her down, criticize her or anything like that because we believe in free will and choice. That was the way many of us “prolifers” helped. We may not shout it from the mountaintop, but you just never know what people are doing behind the scenes.

  • Evolving May 11, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    Wow, that was brave of her to share something so personal and painful. I’m even more amazed about how she shared that she had her second child as way of healing herself. She could have easily dealt with her pain through drugs and alcohol but she chose to become a mother.

    Hopefully, she will speak to the hearts of so many young women in this painful position. They will realize that they are not alone and that this can happen to anyone, (even people on birth control). Chilli, obviously did what she did because she was confused, scared and did not want that child to suffer. Never judge a man until you walk a mile in their shoes. If you have never been in that position, don’t judge. Instead, show love, forgiveness and support.

  • universitychick May 11, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    i see god all up in through this thread wow

    hopefully chili’s story inspires other women to make better decisions with their bodies…

    i also agree that i bet every single one of these celebrity chicks has a similar story to tell, heck career women period…

  • PlainMean May 11, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    A lot of women have babies at 20 and raise them successfully. Dallas was financially well off and Chilli definitely wouldn’t have been a welfare mother. Sounds like she was pressured to get rid of “her problem” so that it wouldn’t interfere with her career. I won’t judge, thats between her and God.

    • Shonda May 11, 2010 at 9:03 pm

      You are right! My mother was 14 years old when she had my sister one month before her 15th birthday. She was single, and my sister is now a minister, married, with two beautiful strong and spiritually filled sons. My mother also have went on to marry our father and have been married for over 30 something years. So, people have to be careful as to who or what it is they are murdering!

      • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 10:09 pm

        this is so beautiful Shonda. Thank you for sharing

  • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    “demonize?” I don’t remember anyone “demonizing” someone because of them being a single parent.

  • MICHELLE May 11, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    ABORTION IS ALWAYS ONE OF THOSE STICKY TOPICS, WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE OK WITH IT AND THOSE WHO ARE AGAINST. BUT WE CANNOT JUDGE PEOPLE, ME MYSELF WAS ONE OF THOSE VOICES THAT WAS SO MUCH AGAINST IT TIL I WAS IN MY OWN SITUATION, I TOO HAD ONE, AFTER ALL THAT TALK AGAINST IT, AND NO I WAS NOT SATISFIED WITH IT, THAT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO AND I STILL THINK ABOUT THAT CHILD THAT I DIDN’T GET A CHANCE TO KNOW, MANY NIGHTS I HAVE CRIED AND BEGGED GOD FOR FORGIVENESS. IN MY SITUATION IT WASN’T ABOUT NOT BEING OLD ENOUGH OR FINANCIALLY STABLE, I WAS BOTH, IT WAS ABOUT BEING CARELESS ON MY PART AND IRRESPONSIBLE. SO I FEEL CHILI ABOUT REGRETTING IT CAUSE I DO.

  • monica May 11, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    I haven’t read every single comment, but how do you all know that she didn’t use birth control? Birth control (condoms, spermicides, the pill, etc.) is not fool proof. The only true birth control is abstinence. You can use birth control and still get pregnant or come down with some disease. And be careful with your judgmental statements. Nobody is any better than anyone else. I was in Chilli’s shoes, but I decided to have my baby. Having my baby doesn’t make me better than Chilli, who didn’t have hers.

  • Tanya May 11, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    I had an abortion when I was 17, and I do not regret it at all. I am very pro-choice and see nothing wrong with abortion if it is done within the first trimester (and over 90% of abortions ARE done within the first trimester). It is not a life, it is a potential. Just like a parasite, it can not live on its own and needs a host (the mother) to survive. A mother should not and can not be forced to be the host if she does not want to. I don’t think some people realize what a crime it would be to make abortion illegal. How would you feel to know you have no control over your own body?
    Yes, its irresponsible to have unprotected sex, but mistakes DO happen and they will continue to happen, and people should not be punished for them. We already have enough unwanted children, we do not need to bring more into this world.

    • Shonda May 11, 2010 at 6:26 pm

      Your comment really bothers me. I know we are entitled to our own opinion. But, you should not be on here promoting abortion. It is one thing if the person is raped or there is something wrong with the child. But, if you willing lay down and make a baby you should be women enough to take care of it! Abortion should not be a form of birth control. I personally do not like abortion. All children are a gift from GOD! I can not believe you will compare a child or a fetus, to a parasite. How disgusting! But, if that’s your way of dealing with what you have done, good for you.

      • KHRISH May 12, 2010 at 10:42 am

        I don’t think that she is promoting abortion. I think that she is promoting the fact that a woman has the right to choose. There is not one thing that a man does or doesn’t do to his body. You have never and will not in the near future, as long and men are in charge, going to be asked your opinion about anything that has to do with a man’s body. Why then, do we continue to act like chattel allowing or promoting the government to decide what we can/ cannot do with our bodies as women? They didn’t ask you one thing about what the country thought when they decided to put Viagra on the market. They didn’t care what you thought. They were working on a cure for heart and found out that this worked for the male sex drive and they forgot all about the heart. We have been marching and fundraising for years for a cure for cancer…..they have time to find a way to keep a man sexually involved, but they have yet to care enough about us as women to find this cure. they fought like heck to keep newer birth control modes out of America that womem in Europe had for years and here they were voting against it. They tell you that life begins at conception…..How do they know the conception time…..and if they truly believe this, why will the insurance not cover that child until it outside the womb. You can’t insure a child until it is actually in this world. We need to think about many things when we work to take away the rights of women to have control over their own bodies. Abortion should be a very simple situation….If you don’t think you should, DON’T. If you think you should…DO. Somethings have no rights in courts or on the legal slate, this is one of them. It’s like all the hoopla over prayer…..no one can legislate my right to pray….I can pray anywhere, anytime and any place that I choose. I just don’t have to make an outward show of it. When I talk to God, that’s our conversation….I don’t have to let the public know when we converse unless I’m just interested in the outside show.

    • Teri May 11, 2010 at 7:23 pm

      @Tanya, I’m just responding to your “babies are parasites” comment. You are entitled to your opinion. I am in no way judging your decision to have an abortion; however, I just had to say this. Everything in nature is designed for its species to procreate, whether it’s a plant or animal. How does a person call their legacy a parasite? To call it parasitic is to say the baby is of a different species than its mother. I’m not trying to personally attack you. I’m just trying to understand your thoughts.

      When a woman finds out she is pregnant, she isn’t told, “Congratulations, you are pregnant with a parasite.” Many mothers and fathers-to-be are overjoyed at the thought of a new life growing inside of her. These mothers to be start taking care of themselves and preparing for the emergence of a new life. I hardly doubt they consider the entity growing inside of them a parasite. I’ve never heard a pregnant women speak in such a way. It is a life, not a potential life. One knows that when they start feeling the baby move; when they see the heart beating at approximately 9 weeks gestation; when they have an ultrasound and see the baby sucking its thumb or moving. An egg and sperm are potential lives, but when they come together, they create life.

      If an embryo is a parasite, when does it not become a “parasite?” There’s a point in time when a child can be born before the 9 months is up and still live outside the mother’s body. Is it still a parasite then? When did the transformation take place? Every single month a woman bleeds so she can have a baby, so to call the entire plan of nature, which is design to procreate, a parasite is to say we humans that walk this earth are parasites of natures because we DEPEND on food for sustenance.

      JMO, and not judging.

    • kelly May 11, 2010 at 8:17 pm

      what you just wrote is NOT a fact it is your ignorant and misguided opinion. Forget religious and spiritual talk. The law of science says that living things will only produce other things that are like themselves. pick up a book and read. SCIENCE says that the moment the sperm and egg meet it is a HUMAN BEING. It is a unique individual with it’s own DNA seperate from the mother.

      abortion is an evil that we will pay for one day. People wonder why so many women are getting cancer and all kinds of other horrible things now adays. God is not happy with us. Read the bible. God is especially protective of widows, old people and children, you mess with them and you better believe you will pay.

      • KHRISH May 12, 2010 at 5:11 pm

        Have you ever tried to argue that with the insurance company? Non of us really know when conception takes place. Were that the case we would know exactly when we became pregnant. Even the doctors have to count back according to your last period. I do know when I had a miscarriage nobody came to me with a paper to sign. They kept me in hospital and then sent me home. On the other hand when I had a baby that was born prematurely at 6 months I had to have a birth certificate and a death certificate as well as a burial. So while some in the state argues as to when conception takes place and when it comes to the woman’s choice; it is a baby from conception, but when it comes to insurance coverage and hospital protocol, they don’t practice what they preach.

  • Eliza May 11, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    So do none of you agree with adoption? I saw many people gush over Sandra Bullock’s beautiful baby and yet if his brave birth mother would have taken the easier route he would not be here now. Yes, people make mistakes and get pregnant without meaning to but that’s what adoption is for. I’m not judging her, but I think that adoption is something that too many people are quick to forget.

    • Teri May 11, 2010 at 8:15 pm

      @Eliza – LOL! Yeah, they were gushing over there big time! I think adoption is a beautiful thing. What a wonderful gift to give someone who cannot have a child. That child is wanted. Yes, thank God for all the women whom have the courage to give their babies up to families wanting to be blessed with a wonderful child.

      • KHRISH May 12, 2010 at 10:26 am

        Adoption is a beautiful….but how many people are adopting, especially Black children? Also if a woman chooses this route then it has to be her decision. Women should never be expected to become baby machines for the adoption agency. I do know women who were young and made the decision to have their child and give it up for adoption and I have heard stories just as sad about the continued guilt of giving up a child. I would tend to think that anything concerning the life of an unborn child and the choices available to a woman are so very personal that we can’t begin to understand why they chose to make the decisions that they do. In society most times you are damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

        • Teri May 12, 2010 at 1:39 pm

          @Khrish, from what I’ve read according to another website, there are many black families wanting to adopt, but there are just too many black children in the system. There is even a campaign to get single black women to adopt. Actually, I believe the system makes it very difficult for people to adopt because many can’t afford it. I would do it in a heartbeat if I could. I’ve always been a proponent of adoption. To me, the bigger issue is why are there so many black children in the system? Why are there so many black children brought into the world and are given up? Why are black women aborting babies at such a high rate? What’s going on?

          Khrish, as I’ve stated before, I believe in people having free will. God gives it, so who are we to take that away (unless that free will involves the lives of other). No one can make a person do what they don’t want to. We have laws that allow women to have abortions, so I’m not sure why people think someone is trying to force their views on anyone or MAKE them do something they choose not to do.

          • KHRISH May 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm

            Like you, I’ve always wanted to adopt but when my husband told me that he didn’t feel he could love an adopted child they way he loved our own children, I gave up on it. That would be unfair to a child. There are lots of children in the system and it is difficult to adopt that’s the reason so many people have chosen to adopt from abroad. I know when the Vietnam war ended, they were basically giving children away and Americans with the government came home with many children. Matter of fact there was one in particular that I wanted because he was AfroAsian and I knew he was going to have a most difficult time getting adopted, but then my choice was frozen as I said above. I’m not real certain about the hugh rate of abortion among Black women. It would depend on which polls you are reading. But like you, I agree that this is an individual decision. We nor the government has any right to force our opinion upon the woman, we can offer advise if asked, offer our view point, but in the end this is ultra personal. I mean look at these young men that were on the Oprah show last week. They were adopted and look what was done to them by that husband and wife after they adopted them. It was a horror story.

  • BCKay May 11, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    I’m sure it was a tough decision that she had to make but she said she gave in and broke to what someone else wanted. Who was the person, was it Dallas Austin? You have some of these men who get girls pregnant and they’ll be fast to give the girl money to kill a baby faster than they’ll give them money for anything else.

    Chilli is an entertainer and this probably happens more than we know, so i know she isn’t the only famous person who have killed a child for the sake of a career. I don’t think a career is worth killing a baby. I’m not going to judge her because this was something few people in her position will ever admit pubilcly even though they have done the same. I can tell this was something she regrets and other people regret as well and some do it without ever regretting nor do they think twice about doing it, but for anyone who pressure someone to do something like this they will be the person who God will punish.

    Lil Kim have also killed a baby and her career was the reason for the killing but only after Biggie died she said she wished she would have kept the child but would she have felt the same way if he didn’t die?

    • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 6:17 pm

      BCKay your comment makes me think of “Zion” by Lauryn Hill. I love that song

  • JMO May 11, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    I for one applaud Chilli for opening up about the dark side of abortion. Some people are so busy defending it that they fail to realize that for some people, there is a high price to pay for having one. It’s something that just isn’t talked about often enough. My mother had an abortion over 35 years ago and it’s her biggest regret in life. To this day, she can’t talk about it without it bringing tears and sadness to her eyes. It didn’t just free her from the responsibility of raising a child before she thought she was ready, it also brought her much pain and grief, more than anything else in her life. On the other hand, the struggle that she had in raising the 3 children that she did have was no small matter, but we have been a blessing to her that keeps on giving. And we, and our children, are the best part of her life. Children are a blessing and there is no value that you can put on the joy that they bring. But children are also a major responsibility. There is none other that is greater and I agree that if you aren’t ready for that than for goodness sakes, don’t have a child.

    So protect yourself as best as you can. My first suggestion is to not even have sex until you are married and you have counted the cost of having children and properly prepared. But I know that not all people will be that responsible. So if you choose to have sex before marriage then put yourself on some form of birth control and even if you have to carry it yourself, ALWAYS use a condom for added birth control as well as protection from diseases. This is truly protecting your life and your body. It’s amazing to me that women think that having an abortion is protecting their life and body and child. How? By having unprotected sex and opening yourself up for disease and then getting pregnant and putting your body through an abortion and then yourself through the pain and grief afterwards? And if you were protecting the child you would certainly not kill it, even if you have to do everything in your power to make sure that you personally find a suitable home for him/her. If you truly want to protect your life and your body you will take every precaution not to get pregnant in the first place. Talking about it’s a women’s right to choose. It certainly is. So choose preventive birth control and stop using abortion as a form of birth control. I don’t think that anyone who is pro-life wants people having children that they can’t take care of and/or don’t want any more than those who are pro-choice. We don’t want to see more women/men having to drop out of high school or college (like my mom and grandmother) and dreams being deferred or never realized because children came too soon. We don’t want to see more children go hungry, abused or neglected, or even killed. When children aren’t planned or prepared for (why don’t we prepare for children?) then it can be a big struggle and sometimes even devastating to the lives of the parent or child. No one wants that. So protect yourself. Be responsible. I think that those who are pro-choice have no valid argument for abortion because there is always a better way to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy, and if you miss it, there is still a better way than killing your child….let me just add that this is not to put anyone in condemnation for having an abortion. I have no Heaven or Hell to put no one in. But hopefully we will talk to and educate our daughters, nieces, cousins, friends, etc.. about a better way.

    • GivetheStoreAway May 11, 2010 at 5:16 pm

      Well written. Thanks for sharing. If only one person takes away something from it, the time you took to write this would be more than well worth it.

    • Teri May 11, 2010 at 8:13 pm

      AMEN, and thank you! No one ever wants to take about the downside of abortion, the guilt and anguish so many women feel afterwards. The liberal media surely isn’t going to put that out there since they and other lobbyist have their own agendas. I used to volunteer at The Pregnancy Resource Center, and they said that many women have issues they are experiencing, but don’t relate it back to the abortion(s) they’ve had. I have family members, who, just like your mom, still suffer the psychological anguish of abortions.

      Again, thank you for sharing.

  • BCKay May 11, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    You so right Cherry some on here even judge some of these kids and their names.

  • abortion is murder period May 11, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    So kill the baby, fetus, zygote or whatever you want to call it. You people think its better to kill the baby than have it on welfare or struggle whats the sense in that. Im sure you all are happy to be here in the mist of your struggling an also even if your mom was on welfare. Also just because we have a choice doesn’t make it right.

    • TRUTH!! May 11, 2010 at 4:32 pm

      “So true!”

    • Sherley May 11, 2010 at 7:44 pm

      So if you were raped by a deranged man, found out you were pregnant & know that you could not raise this child without being disgusted every time you looked at him/her. Adoption is not an option, what would you do?

      I have a friend whose mom was raped by her family member. She had the baby because she didn’t want others to think badly about her. The child had down sydrome & was abused by the mom every single day of her life because she looks like her father. This young girl use to ask why didn’t her mom abort her because her life would have been much better. I say use to because she killed herself at the age of 15. Her sister & I tried so desperately to tell her how special & wonderful she is & how her mom had issues, to no avail.

      You tell me what the big difference is.

      Its a choice that the woman making it has to live with & NO ONE else gets the right to say a darn thing about it.

    • Sherley May 11, 2010 at 7:50 pm

      If I chose to have a child no matter my age, financial situation & other circumstances, how many of you on here are going to help me raise it? Well you come & babysit..attend emergency room visits..pay for day care..enjoy the wonderful moments I will get?

      If I chose to have an abortion, no matter my reason, how many of you will drive me there & back..help me after its done..give out your number so I can call & cry on your shoulder..go out & party with me..celebrate with me?

      The answer to both is: not a darn one of you. Therefore not a darn one of you get to tell me what I’m doing/done is wrong or right!!

  • Kimri May 11, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    I feel no sympathy for someone who CHOSE not to use birth control. I just feel sorry for the babies that are killed by these selfish women. Yes, it is selfish to KILL a child b/c you are not ready to parent. That decision should have been made before you layed down. I am glad that she is haunted by that decision. It may prevent her from killing another innocent child.

    • TRUTH!! May 11, 2010 at 4:21 pm

      Kimri~

      “You are speaking directly to me!” I’ve walked in Chili’s shoes and made the same (irresponsible choice). It’s something that you never forget – the guilt is sometimes over whelming. It happened years ago and I’ve asked and been forgiven by my Lord & Savior, but I can’t get pass it. In this day and age, there aren’t any slip ups, call it what it is carelessness. One doesn’t have to be perfect to use contraceptives responsibly. If we use them, 99% of the time we will not find ourselves not having choose life or death for a child.

      Killing a baby can never be justified – it is a Human Being & if allowed will grow and develop into a unique person. Adoption would have been the HUMANE choice, but I was young and didn’t want to have to answer questions or suffer through ridicule. You are so right Kimri – it is a self-fish act with dire consequences!

      • JMO May 11, 2010 at 4:55 pm

        I agree with both of you 100%. And thanks Truth for sharing that because as I said before, not many people talk about the horrors of abortion.

      • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 6:35 pm

        @TRUTH! I just want you to know that you are forgiven by Him because you were sincere with all your heart. I wish I knew something else to say so that you won’t feel the pain and guilt anymore. But just know that He does forgive you because you asked Him so just do the best you can from now on. I agree with both you and Kimri. I just hate one of the comments before my first one because it was rude. Your comment made me cry and all the strong ladies on this blog are helping me to make the decision to become celibate. I haven’t been active for a long time but I think I’m going to wait. I’m 20 so I have a long way to go but reading these things and knowing the alarming disease, poverty, and single parent rates is scary. Life goes on and since you asked His forgiveness, it’s done. You’ll see your baby again.

      • Kimri May 11, 2010 at 11:10 pm

        Truth- I am glad you didn’t take this as an attack or judgment against you. I just feel that some things should stay with you. It is a consequence. Every act has a consequene, either good or bad. However, I am not the judge. If you have asked for forgiveness then I am sure it was granted. I am so happy that you didn’t repeat the same mistake like Sherri Shepherd. None of us are perfect and we all must ask for forgiveness as we all ALL sinners. Don’t beat yourself up. Maybe you would feel better if you used that pain to help another young woman or even help an orphaned child. Maybe you sponsor a child in memory of yours. I sponsor two children and it is so rearding It is awesome to receive updated pics and see them thriving b/c little ‘ol me made a difference in their lives. Forgive yourself and hugs to you.

  • SweetDiva May 11, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    I see there are some perfect people on the boards today.

    Everyone knows there is a possibility of pregnancy with sex, but apparently the perfect ones have never been caught up in the moment at the wrong time with the wrong person.

    No one should be made to carry and raise a child before they are able to properly care and nurture their children. It is not in the adult or the baby’s best interest.

    • JMO May 11, 2010 at 4:46 pm

      So you are hot and bothered, filled with lust and you can’t put the breaks on it and walk away huh? When that moment comes, protect yourself from disease and from a possible un-wanted pregnancy by exercising some self-control and saying no. Or do you not know what self-control is? Don’t put yourself in the position to have to make a decision to abort your child or carry an STD for the rest of your life. There are so many moments to walk away from something you could possibly regret later, and the best moment is right when you realize that you don’t have protection. For me, those few moments of pleasure wouldn’t be worth having to abort a child. If someone has “gotten caught up”, it is what it is but I’d never let it happen again. Just do better.

      And btw…I agree with your last statement 100%.

    • Teri May 11, 2010 at 8:02 pm

      @SweetDiva, no one is saying they are perfect. The point is when you have unprotected sex, there are consequences – pregnancy is one of them as you so stated. So the issue is to just be careful, and if it happens, that’s just the chance you take when things get out of control and get “caught up in the heat of the moment.”

  • Marissa May 11, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    A person shouldnt have sex unless their ready to care for a baby because things could happen, just saying.

  • aine May 11, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Bless her for opening up, however I realize oe thing it seems as though a lot of black women have had at least one abortion in their life time. Our population would be just like Hispanics, but many black women are aborting. Bless Chilli at least she isn’t like a girl I know who had four.

    • Teri May 11, 2010 at 7:59 pm

      @aine, you are right. Over 50,000 black babies are aborted every year (black women have a very high abortion rate), and it’s also been publicly stated that Planned Parenthood wanted it that way. If you want to, read about Margaret Sanger.

      • Anonymous May 12, 2010 at 10:12 am

        I’m not gonna lie I didn’t know the numbers were that high. Thanks Teri. I’m going to read more about this.

        • Teri May 12, 2010 at 11:29 am

          @Anonymous – yes, check it out. It’s unbelievable.

          • Kimri May 12, 2010 at 4:08 pm

            Yes, I remember whan a counselor came to our school to speak a/b safe sex. She said that blacks overwhelmingly have more illegitimate kids. The audience started saying that’s b/c white women kill their babies and they were in disbelief when she said that black women also have the highest number of abortions of any other group.

  • Theyknow May 11, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    I respect her opinion and I am glad she is able to talk about it. I understand why alot of women chose to have abortions and it is what they feel is the best thing to do.

  • Mimosa May 11, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    So true.

  • kia May 11, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    I never had one of those nor ever been pregnant, but I have heard it’s a mind thing, once you get it, it plays alot of fear and guilt with the person.

  • tpink May 11, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    that’s why you should only get an abortion for yourself, if you really want it. Not for your mom, boyfriend, nobody.

  • GivetheStoreAway May 11, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Aside from the sensitive topic, Chilli is still so fresh and young looking. The girl is 39 or 40 now? Her complexion, her hair are so pretty. She looks fab.

    I just want to hug her when she starts to tear up in that video. Give her a big bear hug. She is speaking form the heart. No, no one can judge her. Sounds like she has paid plenty with those 9yrs of tears she describes and still that regret even though she may have found a measure of peace.

    And Usher, she kept it civil about him, good girl–lol. Glad she used her head with that one. Tameka barely got a year or two of marriage out of it, but still two beautiful sons. Sometimes that is just the way the cookie crumbles.

  • mommy2be2number2! May 11, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    The decision to abort is a one every woman has to make on her own. There should be no fingers pointed and no blame put on any woman who decides that she is not ready to take on the huge task of raising a child. To say that someone flushed their baby down the toilet is nothing but rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate. Every woman has the right to make her own choices regarding her own body.

    I have nothing but respect for Chilli for making such a tough decision at an age when so many things can be so confusing and overwhelming. I give her even more respect for being able to open up about it and share her story, other women may get inspiration and feel even a little less alone knowing that they are not the only ones who have been through or are going through such a situation.

  • Shaunie May 11, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    That has to be a tough thing to go through.
    I can (SOMEWHAT) see how that shaped her philosophy that she never wants to have to change who she is or bend to someone else’s will to please them.
    I understand having standards and not excepting less than you deserve. But I still don’t think that gives her right to be so judgmental!
    She can met a man who meets her LIST in NEARLY every way, but if he doesn’t met ONE out of the million of qualifications on her list, she is ready to toss him aside!

    The date she went on with the golfer I could barely watch. She kept making comments on his weight, and making him so uncomfortable about it that he even said “I’m embarrassed to even eat my meal in front of you” (the same thing w/ the guy who had a glass).

    And she is sort of like the type of person she herself never wants to be with. That thinks “Oh, you don’t met my standards. We either can’t be together or that has to change.”

  • KELLY May 11, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    I wont judge her at all. I had an abortion 3 years ago and its not something I am proud of. But my situation was bleak and I did not want to bring a child while I was broke, unmarried, and still trying to find my way. I am not proud but I do not regret it either. So I understand.

    • Theyknow May 11, 2010 at 2:31 pm

      I can imagine it is a tough thing to go through, even the decision part is tough. Noone should judge people on their choices in life.

    • TRUTH!! May 11, 2010 at 4:29 pm

      Kelly,

      I pray that you understand, in order to be forgiven, you have to repent & realize that it was the wrong decision. Killing a child, can’t be justified for any reason. It was a life!

      • Sherley May 11, 2010 at 7:35 pm

        I don’t recall Kelly asking to be forgiven in her comment.

        If she did, she definitely didn’t ask to be forgiven by you.

        • Kimri May 11, 2010 at 11:13 pm

          Sherley- Are you a little slow? She was referring to abortion and asking God for forgiveness.

        • TRUTH!! May 12, 2010 at 10:27 am

          @Sherley,

          She did express that she wasn’t proud of what she had done. Which indicates that her conscience had been pricked in some way. Being, that I had the same experience & can relate is why I rendered my support. We, as human beings, understand the concept of life and death whether we choose to admit it or not. It is why I struggle with what I did and could be why she has doubt.

          Never, in anyway, did I suggest that she seek forgiveness from me, so don’t imply it. Furthermore, who are you to question me in such a disrespectful way? I responded back out of respect. If Kelly has a problem with my comment, let her respond. My post was directed at her solely, not you.

      • KeppIt100! May 11, 2010 at 11:36 pm

        STOP! You dont know what she has been through, its not just that easy to raise a baby. You coming at her like you have the authority to judge her you dnt, no disrespect. I agree with you 100% when you said killing a child is wrong, yes, but at that point and time, many dont think about that, its all overwelming.

    • Kimri May 11, 2010 at 11:15 pm

      You made the decision b/c you weren’t ready to parent. Too bad no one asked the baby if he/she was ready to die!

      • Don't Trip ! May 15, 2010 at 1:15 pm

        Chill, she wasnt ready, and technically, the baby wasnt a baby, it was a fetus. yes, its bad to kill a life given to you, but when you going through it, and cant hadle the pressure, what do you do? some are stronger then others.

    • Kimri May 11, 2010 at 11:21 pm

      I wish all of you that are encouraging abortion b/c one might not be READY to parent will consider what your baby would say if asked if they are READY to die!

      • MY OPINION May 12, 2010 at 9:15 am

        I AM NOT FOR OR AGAINST ABORTION. I BELIEVE IT IS THE WOMANS BODY, & HER DECISION. THERE IS ALWAYS CIRCUMSTANCES THAT, I CAN SEE WHERE THE WOMAN MAY HAVE TO DECIDE TO DO THIS. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT’S HER DECISION TO END IT OR KEEP THE BABY. I WOULD RATHER SOMEONE HAVE AN ABORTION, THAN BRING A BABY INTO THIS WORLD & MISTREAT IT OR KILL IT OR NOT BE ABLE TO PROVIDE FOR IT. OR IT MAY END UP IN A FOSTER HOME AND STILL NOT GET THE LOVE & ATTENTION IT NEEDS.I KNOW SOME ON HERE WILL NOT AGREE WITH WHAT I TYPE, BUT IN THE END THAT IS HOW I FEEL. AT THE END OF THE DAY A PERSON HAS TO BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR OWN LIVES AND IF NOT HAVING A BABY IS WHAT THEY DECIDE, THEN WHO AM I OR WE TO DECIDE WHAT IS GOOD FOR SOMEONE ELSE. ARE WE GOING TO PROVIDE FOOD, CLOTHES, SHELTER, OR LOVE FOR THAT PERSONS BABY, NO. SO THE DECISION IS THEIRS TO MAKE. IMO.

        • KHRISH May 12, 2010 at 10:07 am

          Your post is so wonderful. I share the same feelings. When I go about the business of my everyday life, I certainly don’t have the time nor energy to make decisions about the lives of people I don’t even know. People should be given the respect to make their own decisions about the things that affect their lives. I am neither pro nor anti abortion. I am for a woman’s right to choose what is best for her in her given situation. I don’t think I even know anyone who is “Pro-abortion”, simply Pro-choice which is certainly a very different stance than “Pro-abortion”. Even God gives us free will. I totally agree with what you posted.

          • TRUTH!! May 12, 2010 at 10:31 am

            Yes, KRISH, God does give us free will. But, there are dire consequences for the choices we make, if they are outside of his will.

        • Teri May 12, 2010 at 11:26 am

          @My Opinion, I hear exactly what you are saying, but when people voice their opinions about a certain subject, they are not telling people what to do – at least I’m not. Obviously we can’t control someone else’s volition. The last time I checked, it was still legal to have an abortion. Yes, there are those whom would rather it be outlawed. I’m against abortion because I believe it’s wrong, but that’s me. No, I don’t have to feed, clothe or provide shelter for that woman’s child, but maybe if people thought about the consequences to having sex, they might think of that ahead of time. I’m not saying there aren’t “accidents,” but own up to it. If a woman chooses to have an abortion, so be it, but there are consequences to our actions whether they are right or wrong. At the end of the day, I don’t have to live with what anyone else decides to do (unless it directly affects me and/or those around me). Once I leave BCK, I keep it moving.

          You mentioned you’d rather a woman have an abortion than kill the baby or mistreat it. Well, there are other options like adoption.

          • MY OPINION May 12, 2010 at 1:29 pm

            LIKE SOMEONE ELSE POSTED THERE ARE, CONSEQUENCES TO HAVNG UN- UNPROTECTED SEX SUCH AS AN STD, UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES, & SO FORTH. BUT THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE AFFECTED BY THIS IS THE PERSON IT IS HAPPENING TO. ALSO IF A WOMAN DECIDES TO HAVE AN ABORTION SHE WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THOSE CONSEQUENCES AS WELL, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY, & MAYBE EVEN PHYSICALLY.I AM NO THERAPIST, PRIEST, OR PASTOR, BUT,I HAVE COMPASSION FOR SOMEONE WHO MAYBE IN A CIRCUMSTANCE, THAT SHE SEES NO OTHER WAY OUT, THAN TO HAVE AN ABORTION. I RESPECT ANYBODY’S OPINION IF YOU ARE AGAINST IT, TO EACH ITS OWN. BUT SOME SITUATIONS MAY CALL FOR THIS.AT THE END OF IT ALL SHE WILL HAVE TO FACE GOD & HE WILL JUDGE ACCORDINGLY.WHAT ABOUT THE CASES WHERE A WOMEN IS FACING THE DECISION WHERE HER HEALTH IS CALLED INTO PLAY, & IT’S HER OR THE BABY. AND SHE HAS TO MAKE THE DECISION TO TERMINATE THE PREGNANCY OR RISK DYING. THAT’S ABORTION, IF SHE CHOSES HER LIFE OVER THE CHILDS. LIKE I STATED THERE ARE SOME CIRCUMSTANCES, WHERE I CAN UNDERSTAND. I HAVE NEVER HAD TO MAKE THIS DECISION, SO I AM ONLY STATING MY OPINION. AND AS TO ADOPTION, THERE ARE SOME HORROR STORIES OUT THERE ON THAT, THAT I WON’T GET INTO, SHE HAS THE OPTION OF DOING THAT AS WELL, BUT IF SHE CHOOSES NOT TO AGAIN, SHE WILL HAVE TO ANSWER FOR THAT.I HAVE (2) DAUGHTERS & WE TALK ABOUT THIS SOMETIMES, THEY BOTH AGREE THAT IT IS TAKING A LIFE, BUT ARE NOT DEAD SET AGAINST IT IN SOME CASES, SUCH AS RAPE, INCEST, BUT ALL IN ALL, I FEEL IT IS THE WOMANS CHOICE.JUST MY HUMBLE OPINION.

  • bck reader May 11, 2010 at 11:29 am

    wow, i had no idea she’d had an abortion. with the same guy no less. but that’s not for any of us to judge. she did what she felt she had to do at the time. obviously it was a painful and tough decision for her. well im glad she at least has her son. :-) not that it could take the place of not having the 1st child, but im sure it helped ease the guilt that she seemed to have.

  • Im Bianca and Ima say it May 11, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Wow.some women don’t care they have them back to back like it does not affect them.I hope I never have to experience this.

    • Brooklyn May 11, 2010 at 11:36 am

      I know somebody that had over 7…..smh

      • Mena May 11, 2010 at 12:36 pm

        7 abortions? Wow. That will cause her damage to her body. She got be careful. Condoms/birth control pills/the shot, ladies..please.

        We got to start building our self esteems up and thinking highly of ourselves. Stop having unprotected sex. It is deadly diseases out here, poverty is still here. Demand more from your men and tell them to wait unitl you are married before the kids.

        • GivetheStoreAway May 11, 2010 at 1:25 pm

          I agree Mena. Aside from the moral issues, its also about respecting yourself and your body. Why let some guy(s) stick 7 babies in there (excuse my language) only to be left with “taking care of” the situation afterwards. Not only the emotional fall-out (with some women) but the physical aspect of it for a few minutes or seconds of pleasure–a vibrator would be less hassle and provide better results it seems-lol. For women who sit up there and lie that they got something out of it (the sex) and have to turn around and clean up messes with these men (like Dallas) going there merry ways, you are being played…why let someone play you and toss you like a condom or toilet paper…

          And yes, there is not only unintended pregancy to contend with, but a myriad of disease/infections just waiting out here as well. I read somehwere that nearly 40% of black women in the U.S. have genital herpes/are carriers, not to mention the relatively high HIV status in the community.

  • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 10:55 am

    I never had to deal with this Thank God but how can any woman try to make another woman for feeling guilty about this after the fact? That’s just mean. I do think it’s wrong but no one including myself should never judge because we don’t know the pain the woman feels after going through something like that. We don’t know what her state of mind was and is now. I’m glad she got this off of her chest and I hope she feels better now since alot of women and girls can relate to her story. She has a beautiful son who she obviously loves. We can not judge her or any other woman. That baby and the whole situation is in God’s hands now. I’ma pray for Chilli.

    • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 11:01 am

      I meant *make another woman feel guilty* sorry

      • KHRISH May 11, 2010 at 12:02 pm

        You are so right. This is a decision that every woman has to make for herself. We don’t know anymore than what we are told and even if we knew everything we have no right to decide what she should or should not have done. It galls me when others make their decision to keep their children and then want to take away the right of the next woman to make different decision. this is so personal. I hope that she can make peace with herself as she seems to be doing.

    • Teri May 11, 2010 at 7:45 pm

      @Anonymous, from personal experience (not with abortion, but other things), if I’ve made the right decision for me, no one can make me feel guilty about it. I don’t think anyone here is trying to make Chilli or any other woman feel guilty. Like someone else said, Chilli already felt guilty.

      People are accused of being judgmental, but don’t we all filter situations we read or hear about or see through our brain and come up with some kind of rationality?

      • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 10:39 pm

        @Teri, I know all of that. When I wrote my first comment I had the very first comment in mind since it was the only one published when I wrote mine. I also wasn’t referring to Chilli. I had other women in mind, women in general. And so what if that was the case that I was strictly referring to Chilli? We know she feels guilty on her own as I know other women do who have made such a decision but no one needs help or instigators. Everyone has their opinions but there is a difference between being rude, insensitive and inconsiderate especially if they took the time to read the post and look at the video before typing. We obviously all have our thoughts and if you read my comment I am against abortions but there IS a such thing as being judgmental which different than just stating facts.

  • Rice May 11, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Awwww…she should have kept the little girl. She would have been so cute. It is sad that people flush babies down the toilet like waste.

    • Jessica May 11, 2010 at 10:58 am

      Umm how do you know it was a girl?? And if it was a girl should that have made a difference in whether or not she should have continued the pregnancy?

      Anyways, I won’t negatively judge her for her decision because if she wasn’t ready, she wasn’t ready. Period. But I’m glad that she’s moved on and can hopefully be at peace with the decision she made.

      • tj May 11, 2010 at 1:57 pm

        It’s funny how people like Rice make it seem like they care about unborn babies and as soon as the baby gets here they really dont care how it survives. They are the first to put down women on welfare. They are the first to tell you how they will not take in a foster kids because they say the kids are bad. They are the first to say a child should be locked up if the kid is getting in trouble. They dont care anything about babies and their the first to say something about someone not having a baby. Puh-lease.

        • BCKay May 11, 2010 at 4:53 pm

          What you’ve decsribed sound more like what republicans do.

        • Teri May 11, 2010 at 7:34 pm

          @TJ – personally, I don’t think her thoughts indicate she doesn’t care about babies once they get here. I’m going to wager that Rice probably just thinks that in this day and age, one can avoid getting pregnant (i.e. using condoms w/spermicidal jelly and other birth control). If people engage in wreckless sex, then they shouldn’t be surprised is a baby comes out of it.

          • tj May 11, 2010 at 9:23 pm

            Teri, I hear you, but I have never met a person who was against abortion who cared about what someone they never met is doing with their unwanted child. Meaning I have never heard these people who hold signs and protest abortion ever use that same energy to help out foster care or kids in juvenile detention or single mothers. All they care about is abortion. They don’t do too much once the child is here except complain about single mothers and why the pregnancy could have been avoided. They always seem to be hypocritical. They don’t care about the child if the pregnancy comes to term. They only care about the abortions.I think prolifers are really pro-abortion because it gives them something to protest and get on their high horse about.

      • neenee May 17, 2010 at 5:53 am

        i was thinking the exact same thing

    • tanisha May 11, 2010 at 11:35 am

      judgmental much? how could you know it was a girl?? and also, would you rather her have a child when she is not ready and not be able to be a proper mother to the child which is the main reason whe have so many parents killing their toddler children today. if you are not ready to have a child, then you shouldnt end of story. more most responsible and sane adults, having an abortion is enough to make sure that you dont get pregnant again until you are ready.

    • GivetheStoreAway May 11, 2010 at 12:07 pm

      Rice, although I believe you have a right to your opinion, BCK specifically noted this was a sensitive topic and for us posters to try to abstain from making harsh or critical judgements. Chilli was just 20 yrs old. That is still VERY young and people make mistakes. She appears to be a loving mom to her son and kudos to her for that.

      I heart/respect Chilli that much more for her candor. Many women have been in her shoes, unfortunately. Some do not anguish over this decision as she appears to have done. I won’t critique them either even if I can’t understand how some do it like there is nothing more to it than removing a wart or zit. It is really a choice that she will have to make amends/peace between herself and her God as is for any woman in that situation.

    • Mena May 11, 2010 at 12:30 pm

      We as women have the right to keep or not keep a child. I will not judge her for her decision. She wasn’t ready nor was in the right position to have a child at that time and she made the best decision she thought was right at the time. She wanted to focus on her career and earn money. She had a son later when she was older and ready. There are already alot of Black kids that are here that are not being raised properly and are in the system (orphans) because of adults not thinking things through. She made a mistake when she was young. She shouln’t be condemed for it for the rest of her life nor should any other women.

      We have the right to have an abortion or to have a child. Just please ladies start demanding more from our men and don’t give up the “goods” so easily or quickly. I still love Chilli and support her in her quest to find a good man for her and her child.

      • Mimosa May 11, 2010 at 1:04 pm

        Rice’s opinion is graphic, but how is it trying to make Chili feel guilty or judging her? She already felt guilty and judged herself because it was her child and she made the choice to have it medically murdered. I think she’s talking about it in the hopes that others won’t endure the same things she went through. So is Chili judging?
        Our laws come from personal beliefs (aka judgement) otherwise we’d have no judicial system.
        You all are so scared of “judging” you’d be of no help under any circumstances. I hope none of you ever get chosen to serve on a jury. Or maybe some of you have and that’s why we have repeat offenders roaming the streets because you all felt you couldn’t “judge”. Lol.

        • TRUTH!! May 11, 2010 at 4:25 pm

          @ Mimosa,

          “Tell it like it is- amen!” Sometimes we just need to hear the truth whether we like it or not. It could save one a lot of grief and heart ache.

        • Teri May 11, 2010 at 7:37 pm

          @Mimosa, THANK YOU so much for breaking that on down nice and to the point. Excellent comment!

        • Anonymous May 11, 2010 at 9:53 pm

          guess what. we aren’t on a jury! we’re on a blog. yes what that person said was graphic and the truth that it’s shame, but if that’s ALL they had to say about it then it’s insensitive especially after seeing how it affected the woman. Plus she ASSumed that the child was a girl. wtf did THAT come from? smh.

          • Mimosa May 12, 2010 at 12:55 am

            People need to stop acting like a bunch of cowards, pretending that they have no contrary opinion about things because you’re scared you’re gonna hurt somebody’s feelings or offend someone when it’s unavoidable. You’re being hypocrites anyway I’ve read your comments on this post and you’re contradicting yourselves. Not only are you all being judgmental about people’s opinion of abortion, but even by saying Chili did the right thing for herself you’re being judgmental. Just because you don’t disagree with something doesn’t mean you aren’t judging.
            So if you don’t think anyone should have any input on other people’s decisions take your own advice and keep even the kudos to yourself. BTW: Do any of you people have children? If so, how in the world do you manage to parent/guide them since you all are so “judge-less”? Can’t exactly teach them right from wrong if you have no opinion or judgement about anything. I would also like to point out how interesting it is that some of you are so quick to say people shouldn’t have sex before they’re married, or they shouldn’t have unprotected sex, or they should wait longer before they have sex, they should stop having kids out of wedlock, they should marry their baby’s mama… YET you all claim to be SO ANTI-JUDGING. How does that work?

          • Anonymous May 12, 2010 at 9:42 am

            @Mimosa if you’ve already read my comments (and everyone else who you keep calling a “hypocrite”) then you already know the answers to those questions you ask. This is about murder not ladies being all offended about the truth of what they are being called and how society brands them. Or what the structure of a real family looks like. Before you waste your time again to respond to me just read again. I think I’m the only Anonymous with the capital A in this thread so far.

          • Mimosa May 12, 2010 at 12:48 pm

            No disrespect intended when I ask: What is your point? You chose to reply to my comment and completely ignored what I initially said. I never defended Rice’s referring to the baby as a girl, I scratched my head at that one myself. Rice’s opinion of abortion is that it’s a procedure that treats and disposes of a baby like waste.
            I initially asked how Rice’s comment was “judging”. You apparently missed the point of my explanation that it’s impossible to live and not judge as you replied that we’re not on a jury. Now what are you saying? I don’t need or expect a reply if you’re looking for an argument. I just don’t understand your latest reply.

          • Anonymous May 12, 2010 at 1:25 pm

            @Mimosa in that particular comment she was being passive aggressive (the whole comment) and saying what the woman “should” have done (the “awwww” “should have” parts were pretty out of pocket along with naming a sex which none of really understood :O adding insult to injury)

    • Caratime2 May 11, 2010 at 1:39 pm

      imho, it’s even sadder when young girls treat a baby like it was the hottest new fashion accessory. it’s not cute to see more girls in a graduating class/at the prom with your stomach poking out then not! esp. when it’s graduating from middle school…

      abortion is never an easy answer, but – lord knows – a little more conscientious birth control wouldn’t hurt.

    • T.House May 12, 2010 at 10:06 am

      Until you have walked in another woman’s shoes and are presented with such a life altering decision and experience such as this, who is to be the judge. The mental, emotional and spiritual anguish that follows is so indescribable, that it causes a woman to constantly live with the hidden guilt and shame. I remember ever so clearly the day I walked this very road; it’s scary how reading the article was as if I had wrote it myself. I am so thankful that in reading it I was able to not condemn and beat myself up. Something that has taken years to overcome. But THANK YOU LORD that even in the midst of my own ignorance at 20, you forgave me even when I wanted to continue to punish myself.

      • Monique May 12, 2010 at 4:15 pm

        Exactly. I firmly believe that abortion is a sin but I can’t say that I’ll never have one. I’ve never been raped. I’ve never been 12 and pregnant. I’ve never been pregnant and homeless or in an abusive relationship.

        Like my pastor says, “Don’t ever say what you wouldn’t do. In the right situation, honey, you don’t have any idea how low you would crawl or how high you would climb. Don’t judge.”

    • Lilly Lewin June 1, 2010 at 6:39 pm

      ‘flush babies down the toilet like waste’- What the hell is wrong with you. This is a sensitive topic. She made a mistake. Can you not phrase it like that?!

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