HOT TOPIC: ARE SINGLE MOTHERS “DESTRUCTIVE TO SOCIETY”?
Actress Jennifer Aniston recently made a statement in regards to single motherhood. She said while promoting her film, “The Switch” , “Women are realizing… that they don’t have to settle with a man just to have that child. Times have changed and… what is amazing is that we do have so many options these days, as opposed to our parents’ days when you can’t have children because you have waited too long.”
To which political commentator Bill O’Reilly responded, “She’s throwing a message out to 12-year-olds and 13-year-olds that, ‘Hey you don’t need a guy.’ You don’t need a dad. That is destructive to our society.”
Celebrity mom Mary Louise Parker has this to say about O’Reilly’s statement:
“I don’t think you necessarily have to be part of a traditional nuclear family to be a good mother. A lot of children from traditional nuclear families have really unhappy childhoods, and they have dysfunctional, distant parents who don’t pay attention to them. Also, some people don’t plan on being single parents. It’s not like you’re sitting at home and thinking, “Wow, I’d really like to do this by myself. I’d love to wake up six times a night and change diapers and have nobody to help me. That’d be great!” I certainly didn’t do that (Vanity Fair, 2010).”
What do you think? Does Bill O’Reilly have a point?
Photo shows Mary Louise Parker, who is a single mom, and her daughter
49 Comments to “HOT TOPIC: ARE SINGLE MOTHERS “DESTRUCTIVE TO SOCIETY”?”
Leave a comment!
I successfully raised 4 amazing children (two who served in the military, one an officer) as a single-parent (due to a divorce)and can honestly say that the most difficult aspect of being a single parent, for me, was dealing with others perceptions of single parents. My children each have wonderful families, careers and have no regrets or ill feelings about being raised by a single-parent. In fact, just the opposite. Because of my experience as a single-parent, I pursued my master’s degree and am now working on my doctorate, to assist single-parent families, who will always have a special place in my heart, because I’ve been there and know all too well the trials and tribulations they will have to endure. I also plan to write a book, emphasizing positive effects of single-parenthood (which we rarely hear about). So rather than judging single-parents or blaming them for virtually all of society’s ills, why not offer them assistance in any way that you can?
I agree and disagree with the statement Bill made on the grounds we are moving further and further into this distructive society created by our parents. As a father and Mother you have to teach your children and guide them and not let them be so easy going and acceptable to the things around us. What happen to teaching our children that having sex early isnt smart or responsible. Not if you do and get pregnant things will be okay and its alright as long as I know. I know you cant stop something from happeing but you can encourage doing the right thing and stop being so easy going with life as we have become as a people. I dont think everything or feelings should deter any ones judgement of anything if you feel something is wrong so be it,no one person share the same ideals as the next. I dont know over time we as a people have moved away from doing whats right to doing what every you want to do. The reason Larry Fishburne’s daughter behaves the way she did. If you give a child enough leeway to wander, they will. If you give a child the tools to succed with guidance and not being overly protective they will succed. You dont give a child as many options as an adult because they are in a molding stage where you can guide them and are supposed to guide them to be better than us. So I dont agree with the single mothers is okay statement or should I say I dont like it. We are living in a distructive society with or with out single mothers but where is “family” going with all these passive ideas. No where and those before us have made the children of our future into brainless lost individuals who seek not to be successful but lost.
I would say Bill O’Reilly is destructive to our society before I said single moms. What’s destructive is the men that are failing as fathers or who are leaving the home or not taking the initiative to use protection when the female isn’t and making babies they know they don’t want.
What’s destructive is women getting pregnant by men that they know shrink from responsibility thinking a baby is going to keep him with her.
But as a whole; no single mothers are not destructive to society. Some women have no choice but to raise their child alone. And in this day and age waiting until you find a suitable mate might keep you from being a mother at all.
Many single mothers do an amazing job. They take on the responsibilty of two parents when the father’s leave. Its less destructive then if they gave up their own children as well because they didn’t want to do it on their own.
Plus Bill O’Reily doesn’t really think about what he says before he actually says it. He accused a boy who was kidnapped for 4 years(sean hornbeck) of wanting to stay with his captor because he didn’t have to go to school. Its hard to agree with a man who makes comments like that.
“Jennifer Aniston doesn’t have a choice she can’t keep a man worth nothing.” I laughed my ass off but felt bad right afterward.
Single moms aren’t destructive to society. That statement is actually ass backward if you think about it. Deadbeat parents (this includes women not just deadbeat dads) deadbeat PARENTS are destructive to society.
Why no questioning the rise of single dads?
Ocotmom is giving single parents a bad name not Jennifer Aniston.
What’s bad for society is people having kids and not raising them right or at all.
Why is octomom giving single mother’s a bad name? She is raising her kids to the best of her ability. She is not asking us for help, she is out trying to work. She didn’t lay down with a man and then say her kids are a mistake. Octomom believes that they are a blessing and so do I.
What give single moms a bad name are:
1. sleeping with man and don’t know their names
2. where to find them
3. Having babies by any man that say, I love you
4. Having babies with 4 and 5 different baby’s dads
5. getting pregnant with no job or the guy has no job
That is what is giving single mothers a bad name. Alot of these kids are being raised by the grandparents and majority of these women depend of the government for help.
So, actually Bill has a point, but circumstances are different for all women. So, we can not put them all in one catergory. But, this society is just distrupting at best. My cousin, does not know her father and her mother does not know either. All the DNA test came back negative. She keeps questioning who the other side of her is. Do she have any brothers or sisters, what does her father look like? That is just ridiculous, women should KNOW who they are sleeping with, as well as the men.
You’re absolutely right.It’s the promiscuous women with multiple children by multiple men,especially some of the young women.I stopped watching Maury a long time ago because I couldn’t bring myself to watch anymore of those paternity test episodes.I remember there was one episode where a girl had fifteen different men tested to find out who was her baby’s father.When the test results came back, none of them were the father.That must be so embarrassing for the women and their families because once the women go on the show and have all those men tested,then all of America knows that they’re promiscuous.
If single Parents are preventing their children from seeing their fathers, then yes, Bill O’Reilly has a point.
However if the Father refuses to play his role or has passed. Then the comments he made are definitely invalid.
Like, Ms. Parker said no-one chooses to do this alone.
I think what Jennifer Aniston meant, is that if the father is not around,nowadays, Women will get on with it (work, raise children and support the family) and not fall into self pity or depression.
My mother raised 2 children by herself. neither of us have been arrested or drink/drug addicts, we are all educated and in full time employment and have careers.
my mother later got married and went on to have another child and observing her life, now, I would definitely say a 2 (active) parents is a better structure for a child.
So MY opinion on the topic is DEAD BEAT parents (mother or father) who leave the raising of the child to one parent, are the destructive ones.
I believe Teri just ended this discussion.
By asking one simple question.
‘Can you imagine if we had this discussion about whether it’s necessary for MOTHERS to be in their children’s lives?’
Put’s a perspective..on the answer, huh?
Why does our society deminish men? Can you imagine if we had this discussion about whether it’s necessary for MOTHERS to be in their children’s lives? Many of us would never deminish a mother’s importance, yet we do that to fathers. Just a thought.
I agree that nowadays,fathers don’t get as much respect as they used to.Mothers get most of the credit for raising the kids and running the household,and rightfully so.Although fathers are helping out much more than they used to years ago,the majority of mothers are still responsible for handling the childcare and household duties.But the fathers who are there for their families,and who contribute to the household and are actively involved in their children’s upbringing should get as much praise for doing their job as the mothers do.The divorced dads who pay their child support and stay in their children’s lives should also be commended.Nobody is saying that fathers aren’t necessary,or that they aren’t missed when they’re not present.But that doesn’t mean that families without a father in the home are doomed.Children who come from a single parent home can still grow up to be well adjusted,successful adults.
Too many fathers don’t deserve the respect they used to get. You can’t command something you didn’t earn. All good parents deserve respect. Male or female. If you’re doing everything you can as a parent your respect is due. It’s as simple as that.
I want to bring up another point besides the ones everyone else has, One word: Cycle. For some people’s families it’s become a cycle for them to be single mothers with the fathers not being in their lives and not even knowing who their fathers are (and some mothers). For that matter, Every person is not close to their uncles and for that matter some people don’t know them for whatever reason (they could live out of state, be in prison, dead, you just not close). Some people never meet their grandparents because they die before they can meet them or at a very young age not to remember them.
That being said Single mother’s, father’s (aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparent, cousins) aren’t destructive to society, single mother’s represent how our society has gone down hill for alot of people. They represent how alot of men who don’t want to step up and take care of the children they helped to make and they represent the parents who are strung out on drugs and can’t take care of their children, they represent the people who stuck around when life got tough and other people, who were supposed to be there, ran away.
You’re right Victoria. Sometimes husbands die and some widows choose to never remarry and end up raising their kids either on their own or with the help of extended family and/or friends.
I once knew an alcoholic married couple who both died from alcoholism and left their minor boys orphans and to be raised by their paternal aunt and uncle.
That was an example of an abusive dysfunctional two parent household which the boys were witnessed to and will never forget.
In that case, having a Dad around everyday married to their Mom didn’t serve as a positive role model.
I always pray for more for them as they become adults. And…. their uncle on their Mom’s side is a Black celebrity Dad (not an “A” lister), but an actor/producer that comes from an iconic acting family that helped conceive the era of Blaxploitation movies.
Ideally a child does benefit from having two parents in their lives,whether the parents are still together or not.But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.Some women like Jennifer have been in relationships,but haven’t found a man who is compatible enough to settle down with yet.So sperm banks and surrogacy give them other options,just in case they don’t find Mr. Right.And as some other posters said,some fathers leave the family and don’t want to be involved anymore.
What we really need to teach our kids is to embrace whichever guardians and relatives are there for them.There are grandfathers, uncles,godfathers and other men in the family who can serve as father figures if the real father isn’t around.And sure,men are the protectors and the main breadwinners of the family,but women are the backbone of the family.Women are the glue that holds the family together.They can take care of business whether the man is there or not.
Nobody is trying to tell young girls that they don’t need a man to raise a child.But at the same time,we need to stop putting this antiquated notion in girls heads that they must be dependent on a man to take care of them and help them get the things they want in life.Girls should be taught to be independent and self-sufficient.They need to know that they have the strength to survive,with or without a man present.
Destructive is a harsh word. There is a reason why God instructed us to have children within marriage. It is very important that a child have both parents in their lives and have a healthy bond and relationship with each.
The proof is in the pudding it is very hard for women and men to raise a child on their own without a support system. It’s not impossible but difficult. There are some single parents that are holding it down and doing a great job with their child(s) and God bless them. But there are too many who are not doing a good job and they just don’t have a good support system in place to help co-parent. This is crucial .
As a single thirty something female myself the reality that i may not get married and have kids the old fashion way is very apparent,but i know that if i do decide to have a child or adopt that i have a really great support system in place to help me raise a healthy well rounded child,but i also know that in the back of my mind i’ll always wonder if my child will be missing something to not have a father in their life.
Bill O’Reilly is an #$@ hole…but he is right.
Hollywood BEEN destruction. Anyways.
And I swear, every time I hear a ‘star’ speak, I physically feel my IQ decreasing.
It’s bad enuff, the trouble we have within our community, our culture… and this broad gotta praise it like. You serious?
A child needs a mother and a father period. Period. Point blank. For the love of God, how times does that gotta be said today. To raise a HEALTHY child, a child needs a MOM and a DAD. Anybody who disagrees, read a book!
I’m from a single mother home too. So.. It’s not a hard concept.
I think the quote from Ms. Aniston was less about ending up a single mother (not by choice) and more about choosing not to have a man involved, choosing to have a child on your own and not even giving the father a chance to be in the life of the child. From the trailers of her movie that is what “The Switch” seems to be about. If that is the case then I agree (and I hate that I do) with Mr. O’Reilly.
Like the previous posters have said, there is nothing wrong with being a single mother because the father has chosen not to be involved with the child. The reality of the situation is that children need their fathers just as much as they need their mothers. Whether or not the fathers choose to accept that reality is a different situation entirely.
What if we take the celebrity element out of it and look at reality. These celebs have nannies, chefs, and every financial mean at their disposal. Many can give their children the best that money can buy. What about the rest of us? Yes, there are single mothers that have raised magnificant kids, but we can’t ignore the fact that the lack of fathers in their children’s lives has been detrimental to many children. Right here on BCK, when we see a father and his children, we praise them for being wonderful fathers, spending time with their kids and taking care of them. Yet whenever this discussion comes up, we somehow forget the importance a father makes.
Children, in my opinion, deserve to have two GOOD parents. We can argue that a two-parent home is no guarantee for a happy, stable child. True, but we can’t argue the fact that a single household isn’t always the best either.
Didn’t Obama even give a Father’s Day speech on how important father’s are in their children’s lives?
Very well put, I agree.
There is nothing wrong with being a single parent,whether the woman goes to a sperm bank,adopts a child by herself,or she broke up with her husband or boyfriend.I was raised by my mother in a single parent home and I turned out just fine.I had visitation with my father on the weekends,and I had plenty of extended family who helped take care of me when I was little.So I had a stable and happy childhood.Some of my friends also came from single parent homes,so I didn’t feel different at all.It’s not whether you come from a two parent home or a single parent home that determines if a child will grow up happy and well adjusted,or if a child will be screwed up.It doesn’t matter how many guardians a child has or who the guardians are,as long as they provide a safe,stable,structured,and loving environment for the child to grow up in.
Very well said.
No one sets out to be single forever, and definitely not to be a single parent. As universitychick said, Jennifer Aniston can’t seem to keep a man. She has the funds to make single parenthood a bit easier so, hey go for it. And don’t get me started on O’Reilly redneck in a suit azz.
Both have good points like university chick said but i believe Bill O’Reilly is right. You can’t go against what he said and then complain about the 70% of black children being born out of wedlock and not having fathers in their lives. You may not like the man or his show but Bill made scense with what he said.
God meant it to be two parents. Why? Because he made one man and one woman who came together and had children. I think if he wanted to he would have just made Eve, but you need adam to get a child. It just now in society the men and woman cant get there self together when children come into the picture, but mostly its men. SAD BUT True. If we can women lets try to be married or in a committed relationship. Not these deadbeats fellas. PLEASE!
Society has change, but doesn’t mean we have to change our moral and vaules. Just a thought.
Oh boy! This topic is going to open up some very strong reactions.
To answer the question, “Does Bill O have a point?” I say, yeah, he does – in a way. Some young girls who think it’s “cute” to be single mothers. They don’t know any better.
Single motherhood is a reality. My mom was a single mother (divorced) and she struggled, but she did a wonderful job raising us. However, she did not set out to raise us alone. Being raised without one kind of affected me and my siblings in a sense. Children can learn so much from fathers. Girls learn how men are from the first man in their lives, and boys learn how to be men (if they both have great fathers). I don’t think many people set out to be single mothers, but some do, and their decision isn’t always in the best interest of the child. There are WONDERFUL single mothers out there that have and are raising wonderful children. I think when a woman and/or man decides to have children, the best interest of the child should be placed before their desire to have a child. It’s about how they can be provided for the child(ren) and that child’s quality of life. We’ve all heard the stats on fatherless homes.
I think kids deserve a father or at least a father figure. If they weren’t needed, women would be able to reproduce on their own.
Well, our community’s 70% rate of illegitimacy has not helped us at all. Too many of our young men have gone straight from cradle to prison; most of them had no father. Too many of our young women have no respect for themselves or know nothing of how to entreat husbands, boyfriends because they had no father in their homes. Our children are growing up without knowing what their rolesi n the home are. We can send the kid to the best schools, they can have great careers but who is teaching our children how to be good wives/mothers and husbands/fathers? If we are to survive and compete with everyone else then we have to restore the married, two-parent, black family.
A child needs both mother and father. If this were not so then God would have given the human the ability to reproduce without some interaction with the opposite gender. Even if you go to a sperm bank, you still need sperm from the man to have a child. If there’s blame to go around it should placed on both single moms by choice and absentee dads by choice. Both mother and father have essential roles in the child life: mother’s role is to nurture, father’s role is to provide and protect. Momma can’t nuture while she has to hustle; and many times she’s too tired so a lot things slip through the cracks. And too many of our children grow up without the protection of a father and as a result have been forced to be aggressive, even violent, thinking that this is how they need to be to survive.
I agree with you to a point but in my opinion your views are archaic and sexist.
@Kinereth – I agree 100% w/your comments.
Momma’s can nurture and hustle. It’s what we’ve BEEN doing for years.
I agree with you 100% This is well said. I am a single parent, not by choice, and i worry about the affects of my daughter not having a father in her life. As a young girl my dad was no where around and because of it I do believe I am very aggressive and I also lack the characteristic to be a good wife, since this is something I’ve never learned. On the flip side I am trying to be the best single mom I can be and hope and pray that my daughter will grow up to be a productive member of society, who’s not always seeking the attention of a man.
There have been single mothers since the beginning of society and before man ever made up the institution of marriage. Two parents are great, but if you can get at least one dynamic, loving parent, it’s still better than no parent.
Mothers, single or married are the first love the child experiences.
I definitely agree with you. Just because a child has two parents does not mean that everything will be peachy with the dog and a white picket fence. It takes more than two parents to actually “parent” a child.
@jada’s mommy – I don’t think anyone thinks that, by default, a two-parent home is going to be perfect for all children, but let’s take a look around. There are wonderful children (for example Sherley’s son), but I’m wondering if that might be an exception to the rule. I do believe it’s the QUALITY of parenting that matters. Again, me and my siblings were raised by a single mother, but I can say from experience, we’ve lost a lot because of no father in the home.
However, I would never judge a woman going it alone and doing the best she can with circumstances beyond her control. But I do believe there are selfish women out there who want kids (and I understand why they do), but don’t think about the consequences are going to affect the child. Again, I have NO SHADE on GOOD single mommy’s out there.
Let us not forget that President Obama was raised by a single parent, his grandparents, and an Indonesian step-father. I think it is evident that between all of these responsible adults, they developed a man who grew up to be a leader, and so far, an exemplary Dad to his own two daughters as well as a good husband, from what we can glean.
I think Aniston was trying to say that people like Sharon Stone are mothers and they have no partner helping them with their children and the children are still happy and fine with out the other family. Look how happy Sharon’s three adopted sons are. I don’t think anyone should plan to be a single parent, but what would you do if you were alone and without a man and wanted a child? I would want to be a single parent. Children without a second parent find it a little hard. “Where’s your daddy/mommy” children love to ask other children these questions. Kids can feel like they’re missing out on something, missing out on life without a father or a mother. I’m not sure Jennifer was right to say this, but i don’t think she was wrong either. This “issue”, as some have called it, depends on each individual person/case and their situation ’cause if we think of the fact that some child has a happy home and a loving parent it seem more important then some child is without a second parent.
I don’t understand how they say Black people are ignorant when you have folks like Bill O’Reilly running around. Nobody want to raise their child on their own but today’s men give us no choice! If I have to do it on my own I’m going to and to the best of my ability. Bill O’Reilly needs to be put on an island surrounded by sharks because he is a detriment to our society!
I don’t think it’s destructive to society to have kids raised in single parent families. However, I do think it can affect a child more when they are raised in single parent families. If they grow up without a father, they miss out on an experience that say, their other friends may have. It may cause them (for girls) to always want male attention. Without another parent, a child can grow up with an empty space in their heart. I’m not saying raising a child with a single parent will screw them over, but it definitely isn’t the best and most ideal way to raise a child. I was raised by a single parent and I appreciate the work my mother has done (and she did a good job, always pushing me to do my best) but at the same time, I grew up without a solid relationship with my dad. It caused issues when I couldn’t have another parent to talk to, and I always wanted male attention.
I love what you wrote! Thanks for being so honest! I agree with everything you said and you took the words out of mouth. I have notice that alot with single parent households. I was raised in a two parent household. It was dysfunctional, but I’m glad my parents made it work. They are still married to this day and it help me to understand that marriage is not always peaches and cream. But, you love that person and try to make it work.
I certainly don’t see anything wrong with financially and emotionally mature women adopting children as single parents (I’m personally not a fan of surrogacy because of the sheer number of children waiting to be adopted). If a lot of those women waited until they found a man before adopting they may never get the chance of experiencing motherhood. Mary-Louise Parker is an excellent example (and I also have a cousin who is a teacher who adopted children as a single mother). With the divorce rate being so high a lot of children aren’t growing up in two-parent homes anyway so we shouldn’t say unmarried women with children are the reasons for the ills of society (that’s just stupid and blatantly offensive).
I didn’t plan on being a single mother. I planned for there to be two parents around, however, it didn’t work out that way. I do the best I can, and I think as long as a child has ONE parent who loves them, are there everday investing love and time, and doing their best that a child will be fine. Parenting with someone doesn’t always work, married or not. Sometimes marriages fall apart, and one parent is left holding the bag alone. I do think that women CAN and DO raise well adjusted children by themselves without a man. Yes, ideally a child would have two parents, but one is better than none.
I don’t know about ‘destructive’. I can honestly say that I wasn’t planned, and my mother tried her best to get my father involved in my life but he wasn’t interested. *shrugs* So she worked extremely hard and raised me as best as she could under some trying circumstances. To her credit, she recognized that raising one child was enough responsibility and took steps to ensure that she didn’t bring anymore children into the world. And as a child of a single-parent, I will say that I wanted and needed a father in my life. Unfortunately, he thought otherwise. In retrospect, that was probably for the best – I would have rather had a father who wanted to be there, than some guy who did the bare minimum out of grudging obligation.
I don’t think a child is screwed for life just by virtue of being raised by single-parents. It all boils down to how they’re being RAISED by said parent. There are plenty of children from two-parent homes who turned out to be festering boils on the ass of society and while single-parenting may not be ideal, I don’t think it’s fair to lump every single-mother together in one category for derision. Some suck, yes, but most do a pretty damn good job raising their child(ren).
Once again Leo, I completely agree. I had both my parents around growing up, but w/my son, I’m like your mom & his father was like yours. My son is 14 & a wonderful child. Everyone he meets, no matter where it is, loves him to death. I cannot wait to see what he grows up to be so I can say, “yea, I did that.”
).
As for the comment of being destructive to society, I don’t know about society, but tell Bill O’Reily me & my baseball bat want to show him how destruction to him we can be.
both make good points
nobody should set out to be a single mother, and i dont think anybody does…
jen aniston doesnt have a choice cause she cant keep a man worth nothin…
“jen aniston doesnt have a choice cause she cant keep a man worth nothin…”
ZING! Unfortunately, you’re not lying.
LOL!!!! That JA crack was funny!
Bill O’Reilly needs to shut his dumb, ignorant [self] up!!
Bill O’Reilly just wanted attention he likes to attack people for ratings!
How the hell does he and people like Wendy Williams and Kathy Griffith get put on?! Perez Hilton…who else? Hell we all deserve shows. And blogs and book deals.