JAMELIA: ‘NO WOMAN HAS AN AMBITION TO BECOME A SINGLE MOTHER’
Jamelia never planned to be a single parent. In fact, the British singer admits to be being ‘scared’ when she discovered that she was pregnant at 19 with her older daughter, Teja, 11 years ago.
“I remember thinking, you’ve messed up. I thought I would be dropped by my record label,” she recalls. “No woman has an ambition to become a single mother. For me, it was never a choice. Teja’s father was violent, physically abusive, and Tiani’s father was constantly cheating, and just didn’t show me the respect I deserved. I found out what he was really about after we divorced, when he took me to court to try and take away my hard-earned money, Thankfully he didn’t win.”
“But ending up in this position was not the end of me,” she says. “Motherhood gives you strength in other areas of your life. I gave birth to Teja when I was 20 and I think that was the making of me. Had I not had that experience, I probably wouldn’t be as successful. I was a very indecisive and disorganized teenager, but since having my children, I have had such a clear focus because I know what my purpose is in life.”
Jamelia herself was raised by a single parent, her mother Paulette Davis. “I grew up without my dad being involved with my upbringing, without a father figure of any sort. Had I had one, my choices of partner would have been better,” she says. “I first met my dad when I was 18 months old, but he was in and out of my life because he was also in and out of prison. He got out when I was 15, and by that time we couldn’t get a relationship going because he had let me down so many times.”
“If my brothers had had positive male role models around, people who looked out for them, they wouldn’t have got into trouble.”
But Jamelia adds, “A good role model doesn’t necessarily have to be a father – the community needs to pull together to be good neighbors because we are very segregated from each other these days.”
Read the original interview at Guardian.Co.UK
84 Comments to “JAMELIA: ‘NO WOMAN HAS AN AMBITION TO BECOME A SINGLE MOTHER’”
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Did I misread the part where she said she is now divorced from her youngest daughter’s father? Was the solution to jamelia’s problem, to stay married even if her husband is out running around on her? Because after all being with a husband that cheats, sleeps around and makes to vulnerable to STDs/HIV/AIDS, and sets an example to his young daughter that the type of man to settle for should be just like him, a cheater! Is so much better than leaving an unhealthy relationship and finding yourself a single mother for the second time again (SARCASM)
For people who say that women have no excuse to get pregnant because of birth control,not all women are able to take birth control. People need to think before they act like they know. I do not have intercourse because I am simply not ready for kids and I want to avoid the chances of catching any stds. You can get them without intercourse or any sexual practices,but it decreases the risk significantly.
I am tired of reading about women who are married thinking that they did everything “right” and judge women who do it “wrong”. Please,I have had husbands of these blind women give me their numbers and business cards and not even blink. Just because you’re married it doesn’t mean that all is gravy because I KNOW. I could have been a real sh!!ty woman and take the offers for paid books,leased cars,hair and nails,rent(I live off campus),clothes and the list goes on.
I think black women are disgusting to one another and I just want to know WHY? Yes,this young lady should have had better judgement about her men and sex. But why do so many black women want to throw stones at the women and never the man? Black women need to do this and that. I know women at school who have the most stuck up attitude about black women and have the most hood boyfriend. Their own men are worse than the women the are disgusted by!!
Instead of always saying that we need to choose better ( I AGREE) how about some of these men step up and take care of their kids! I swear. A woman could be married and the father walk out on her and all I read is “You should have picked a better husband” wtf? THINK
Women defend these men to the fullest and clown other females. Just look at these celebrity post. If a woman thinks the man is “fine”, he could have put his fist in her mouth and some would just say “she is a ho anyway,she probably deserved it”
Older women are the worse. They have kids and act like 16 year old girls. It is sad that women don’t have each others back like men do. I don’t judge when I see a single mother,but so many do. When people see a single father it is a totally different reaction. “He’s such a good man” “That’s sexy”
We ALL need to do better. Women and men. The blame is 50/50,bit 80/20.
Agreed.
I think some women aspire to become single moms by choice. Some women just want a baby and will get pregnant on purpose. I have a friend that’s ready to use a sperm donor because she wants a baby that bad. I asked her if she’s really ready to become a single parent. She said yes, her family will help her. Some women know the man no good and won’t be there but the women will still have a baby by him. Some women prefer the man not to be involved in the child’s life for different reasons. Some women have babies as their get rich scheme. They don’t want to work and rather collect a check. And yes there are women that are forced to become single mothers. She mentioned had she had a father figure, her choice in partners would have been better. Not necessarily true, plenty of women whose father is in their life still choose crappy partners, lol. So hopefully next time around she will make better decisions in men. You live and learn.
*are
Infiniti, it’s that last part that I think about. There are women who have men in their lives who make crappy decisions, and ones who don’t and make crappy decisions, and same with the good ones. It’s just a universal thing that we all make good and bad decisions so I really have to question when someone has really been affected by not having a parent in their life or if they just plain made a crappy decision.
My choice with my son’s father was a plain crappy decision.
hey i have a crazy thought. how about women just wait until marriage to have kids? isnt that what God intended for us to do in the first place?
All ou you are missing the mark. This lady was commenting on the fact that being a single Mother doesn’t come easy and you are never intended on raising a Family alone, without the help of the children’s Father’s involvement. you know it upset me when individuals tells a parent that they should of thought twice about being a parent, when infact the child has already made Hi or Her entry into this world. I am sure much of you’ll parents were not married when they had you. Therefore you you were in the same boat.
Mines weren’t
I meant they weren’t in the same boat and neither was I, they were married.
Who?
Most of us, at one point or another, have made bad choices. Lord knows I have and learned from them. I guess my issue is sometimes we walk into a situation with our eyes wide open. WE know the man isn’t boyfriend/husband/father material, but because he might be fine, the sex on point, or because we fell in love, we often throw caution to the wind.
Black men have been coming under fire for centuries. The problem was created back in the day when black men were systematically ripped from their families, and it’s continues (sometimes willingly) to this day. I think we as women – since we control our own reproductive organs – have to take control of our hearts and our private parts because we are usually the ones left holding the bag.
Thank you Teri, I agree with everything you stated and after googling her I found out that before Darren (the husband) proposed to her they had broken up because he cheated on her and she still got back with him and married him the following year. They were only married for 18 months but they dated for three years in the article I read dated October 2007, it stated that the youngest would turn two later that same month, which means they had to get pregnant with her the same year they started dating. Like really why do women do that??? Women and men need to stop being so fast.
Her little girls are so pretty!
single motherhood was not a goal or ambition of mine growing up but circumstances are what they are. I’m a single mother by choice and I’d never regret that decision. Certainly if I had meet my Mr. Right and we dated, we fell in love, we married, and had beautiful children and lived happily ever after I’d want that in a heartbeat, but I didn’t get that dream and instead of sulking around throwing a pity-party or getting into a relationship with someone just to say I’m married or whatever I have a child that I adore and am nuturing with love. Again instead of labeling a single mother as something negative look at her story. Each has one and rather than put her down lift her up and provide if anything a supportive word.
@mommashane well said kudos!!!!!!!!!!!
FYI if your condom breaks or your birth control fails you could end upa single parent too and just because you are married when you have kids doesnt mean that you cant end up a single parent #imjustsaying
*rolling my eyes at all the holier than thou people on the thread*
Lol!!
I’m not taking this thread like everyone else!!!! I commend her for taking the single mom role head on just as I would any other single parent! I don’t believe anyone wants to become a single parent! She was married got divorce and became a single mom for the 2nd time! Ppl r so quick to judge others we’re all humans that make mistakes just learn from them and keep living!!
@Misunderstood Exactly!!! She even went as far back into her family history to show how lack of a male figure in her life played a role in poor choices bad judgement in men etc. I actually commend her. To just blame her or anyone else for not using birth control is trivializing the real issue. Many black households lack the proper family structure to even teach young girls what they should be striving for, self esteem issues or even the proper male example they should have in their lives. Thats why i commned her for saying we need to start with the community.
SMH at these judgemental people everyone is not a single parent because they don’t know how to keep thier legs closed.
I will not judge Jamelia. She is trying to make a life for herself and her children. She has the opportunity to her children to be future great contributors to the betterment of society. And her success certainly opens doors for her daughters so they will have and make better choices. Kudos to Jamelia for keeping her head up and continuing to strive for better…
OK…..
Am I the only one who got that the article was primarily an indictment of the INcapability of the black men in her life to #1 respect themselves enough to
#2 respect their spouses and
#3 be relied upon by their children,
and the ramifications of their failure to do so?
I don’t think she thought SHE would be blamed for her situation when she gave this interview. She’s calling out all the men in her life that let her down.
Are we being cruel to immediately blame her and bring up “birth control” when we should be thinking about how to break the cycle of black self- hatred that brought the situation to life? (which is why she mentioned stronger communities smh)
Why are we so quick to blame women for not thinking ahead, but act like the black man that left her for prison, the one that beat her, and the one that cheated on her then tried to swindle her out of her money was some kind of normality that she shouldn’t have been surprised by and protected herself from????
I absolutely applaud this comment, some women are so eager to jump on other women and blame them instead of attacking the real issue..its always us.. men are never held responsible. Granted we do have a responsibility to ourselves that I do not deny but every case of single parenthood doesn’t stem from women having careless sex…that is just totally absurd and an asinine way of thinking.
I’m not blaming her, but I personally feel that we as women have the absolute control over men. I’m not being sexist, but if we do not allow men to make all the decisions, we wouldn’t be in half the situations we are in. Yes I do understand men are responsible for their actions, but we women have to take responsibility as well. WE must get to really know what a man is really about before we agree to marry him, sex him & have children with him. WE must make them respect us. WE must let them know what we will or wont tolerate. If they do it, WE must put our foot down & walk away without fear, second thoughts or regrets.
WE are not victims & WE need to stop acting like we are. WE are not the weaker sex & We need to stop acting like we are. I come from a background of strong black women; my mother was the weakest woman out of my grandma’s daughters. All of my aunts are happily married to men who respect, love them & treat them right. My mother married an abuser & womanizer & stayed with him till the day he died. I made the decision to not follow in her footsteps.
Anywho..that is why I blame women for the situations they are in. A man cannot get you pregnant for the 4th time if you wont have sex with him or are on very good birth control. A man cannot cheat on you, if you leave him the first time. Imagine if all women did these things, men would have no choice but to get right. Shoot women fight other women for respect they do not demand from their man.
SHERLEY! *a round of applause* I said the same thing, but it didn’t post. I also commented on you, your son, and the father situation. That’s didn’t make the cut either, I guess.
So, we’re responsible for our actions and theirs? We do not, nor should we have total control over men or vice versa.
Where did you read I said we are responsible for the actions of men? I know I never said that. I said we are responsible for OUR actions & to STOP giving MEN complete control over OURS.
What do you mean here? ” I personally feel that we as women have the absolute control over men.”
You said I said women are responsible men’s actions & ours. Where does that comment you just pasted say women are responsible for men’s actions?
We do have control over men. I’m not going to repeat my sermon from above. However, we are not responsible for their actions, that I never said. If you comprehended it incorrectly, ok, but I never said it nor implied it. in fat I said, “Yes I do understand men are responsible for their actions, but we women have to take responsibility as well.”
Ok Sherley,
The power that you are inciting all woman to utilize can only be utilized if they have the CONFIDENCE to use it. Some woman realize and use this power early on while others need positive life experiences (i.e. children) to incite them to be better to themselves and overcome their emotional foundation.
Once again, I refer to one of Jamelia’s statements:
“I grew up without my dad being involved with my upbringing, without a father figure of any sort. Had I had one, my choices of partner would have been better”
I don’t think woman ultimately have all the power; women that can relate to her story have drawn and found strength from their children/ families, but only AFTER their negative sense of self was fashioned and life path directed and affected by a downward pattern set up by a certain type of “BLACK” MAN, his lack of self respect, selfishness, and inability to respect and care for others that look like him.
Citing “birth control” and “girl power” is just sweeping the real problem under the rug.
The real problem would men aren’t sticking around to help father their children correct? Well if women would, as I previously stated above, get to really know the man prior to shcaking up with him & boring him children; the men we marry would be around. The ones that wouldn’t, we wouldn’t waste our time on; thus preventing the single parent trap.
While I do agree not every women has the confidence to exhibit that girl power & needs a motivator; I strongly believe our mothers need to do that from example. Granted this will not work for everyone, however, it would make single parenthood the exception, rather than the accepted norm it is now.
Also Amber, I’m so tired of the excuse. We women do not have girl power, but we know how to fight for a no good man? We know how to lay down & give our soul up to a man who walks all over us? We are willing to sacrifice everything that makes us who were are, but we can’t find the girl power from within to say no, I will not tolerate it for I deserve better? Come on with that. It may work for others, but not for me nor my household.
WOOW,there are many women in here talking about God(in which I believe in very,very,very,very much,but guess what? We aren’t perfect and not everyone believes in my great and powerful God. When I say that we all aren’t perfect,it makes me roll my eyes because someone could shoot someone and people use that phrase,so I don’t use it often at all. BUT,she young lady made a mistake me having sex before she was ready and choosing the wrong fools.
I feel that some black women ALWAYS have something negative to say about other black women and it pisses me off. All of this about being married makes me laugh so much. Married men offer me and other women(and men) things all of the time. I know what you’re thinking. “Not my man b!tch” I wouldn’t touch a married fool.
Just because you are married it doesn’t mean that you did it “right” and the unwed did it “wrong” because any man can (and have) just get up and leave. Keep on thinking that just because that you’re someones wife that you’re superior. I am abstaining from intercourse. I don’t want kids and I am still in school,so that would really put a damper on that. Why do black women act so evil against one another? I have never in my life want to be so rude and crude to another. I see women with daughters who are just to hateful and full of themselves that I just want to slap them. Their raising small hellcats. Men do it too. I didn’t know that just because a woman has a child it meant that she opens her legs up to every. It takes ONE time and ONE time only. Also,I see so many of you saying how women need to take responsibility and choose carefully. That’s very true and all,but maybe these men need to step the “f” up and take care of their kids. I also feel that men are left off the hook so much easier. Women would call a women a tramp in a second,but her son has 5 baby mothers within 2 years. Women seem to only raise their daughters to take full responsibility and just never mind their sons. A man can have 50 women in a year and a woman can have 5 and she’s a hoe. We all need to take responsibility for your actions. Also,not all women can take birth control. That’s the quickest fix to men and women. It is not always an option.
BCK I’m not happy about you not posting my previous comment, but anyway…I would say we as women should be very SELECTIVE in our choice of partner as it not only affects us, but ultimately our children. Think beyond “Being in love” and see that man for who he is before you create with him.
In reading this young lady’s story, you see the historical impact on how not having a father can affect the lives of their children.
She made the wrong decisions in the men she chose to be with. Her brothers seemed to have followed their dad’s footsteps. Don’t get me wrong. I know we are all responsible for our own actions, but a father is supposed to be a girl’s first example of how a man is supposed to treat her, and his son’s example of how to be a man.
It’s so important that we make sure we pick someone worthy, decent, and hopefully someone who really loves us before we lie down with them because they do have the potential of becoming our children’s father. Men should do the same with the women they decide to have sex with.
Well said Teri. It is very important to have a strong positive male role model in your life. My step-father (whom I call my dad for he was the only father I knew), was not a positive role model. He loved his children, but that is as far as he went. Several of my brothers followed in his footsteps, I have 3 who didn’t & tell them how proud I am of them daily. As the only female, I could not stand to see how my mother felt about herself & said I would never allow a man to do that to me & I haven’t.
Men truly do not know how important their presence in the home is do they? If they really knew how much of an impact they had on the future, they may start the change.
Back to the topic at hand. She and her daughters are very beautiful. You can tell they love their mommy and she loves them.
I am loving the picture above. Yes I do agree abstinence & birth control can help prevent unwanted pregnancies, but am a bit hesitant to say it can prevent single parenthood.
I was with my son’s father for 7yrs before becoming pregnant. I became a single parent when he couldn’t handle parenting a special needs child. Now after all our hard work, he wants to come back & take credit, but that’s another thread. This guy was a role model to my younger brothers; shoot my female cousins wanted to marry a man like him. Every single one in my family & friends were shocked when he ran like a roach when the lights came on. I think he even surprised himself because he’s still ashamed.
I must agree with Jamelia, single parenthood is definitely not every woman’s ambition or desire..we just accept it.
Sherley, does your son have any type of relationship with his father? Thank God for your son that YOU didn’t run. I know the thought of having a special needs child is scary and such a huge responsibility. I take care of my elderly mom, so I know how hard that is. I guess your son’s father has to deal with the guilt of abandoning his son. I’d hate to be in that position.
Teri, I left him when my son was 2 & it was like he disappeared. When my son turned 8, he magically appeared. It was very awkward for them & I would accompany them out to make things easier for them. But his girlfriend & my man would make a humongous deal out of it. I guess they felt we were going to get back together or something, please. Anywho once they started hanging solo, it started dwindling down till it stopped. Then he was off & on for several years. Now my son, who is 15, does not want to do anything with him. There are times when they both do not have a choice due to my career but believe me my cell blows up from calls from both of them complaining about the other. I blame both, for my son shouldn’t give him that much of a hard time & his father needs to suck it up..he messed up.
I cannot shape my son into a man & even though I share that with my son’s father, he does not act on it. He now has another son & I pray that son gets a better treatment than my son did. I do have enough brothers to provide my son with a negative & positive male models. My son places God first & has a wonderful heart, so I’m certain, he will be just fine.
I hate to butt in but from what I read from this blog u seem to be such a stern loving mom that puts ur baby first. That alone shows that ur doing a good job and he’s going to be something amazing!!!
Birth Control prevents single parenthood – now thats a joke
I absolutely agree with u!!
Whatever!! I 100% agree with Seriously! Stop opening your legs to every Tom and Harry! Yes, even married women! A married woman must choose carefully her husband. Date for a while and feel him out. Stop marrying for money and looks! That way you won’t be a single mom! As for you single women who get knocked up hoping to trap the guy, the only one you are trapping is yourself. Trapping yourself into a life of being a single mom! I feel sorry for your babies.
Ladies, let’s be selective in the men we choose to have our kids with, don’t be blinded by “Love” and end up putting yourself and your children in a bad situation. If he’s abusive, what would make you want that as the father of your child? I believe we always know the truth about our men, but choose to see what we want and think they’ll change once we have a baby, but chances are they’ll never change. Your decisions will affect your children, so be wise and SELECTIVE!!
Well said Jamelia! Ladies, we need to be very selective in the men we have our children with because your decision will not only affect you, but your children as well. Don’t think you’re trapping a man by getting pregnant,truth of the matter is you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. If he’s abusive etc, what makes you want that as the father of your child? Mistakes do happen, but let’s be selective!
Her daughters are very beautiful. And yes i agree with the above comment- birth control measures are in place so women have “no” excuse!
Her girls are SO beautiful!!! And I am glad she made it through and hope the same for the thousands of other single moms out here but really it can be prevented…think ahead next time.
Really, birth control is the answer to single motherhood?? So women who are MARRIED to a man who ends up walking out on his family or turns out to be a cheater or an abuser, are responsible for their status as single mothers because they shouldn’t have had children in the first place?? If that’s the case women shouldn’t have children at all. One can become a single mother for any number of reasons or unforseen circumstances. Did you really think before you came up with that “prevention”?
Lets be real and truthful, the majority of Black women have NEVER been married and accordingly to most you on this site, none of yall agree with marriage before kids anyways. Whenever somone mention marriage on here yall become outraged and yell about how marriage isn’t important. There are thousands of Black women who NEVER married but have kids. So don’t even try to use that scenario on me abt a man leaving his wife and kids in reference to Black women. Sure men have done that but the majority of Black women make the decision to become single mothers by not using birth control, letting the guy not use a condom and chosing against abstinence.
Oh please, stop twisting the truth. Nobody gets outraged over the idea of marriage people get annoyed over the fact that a number of people on this board are always running in here to play moral police and constantly try to push their moral and religious beliefs onto others. Nobody on here says “marriage is terrible” or “people shouldn’t get married” or anything like that. What people HAVE said is that marriage is no guarantee of anything, marriage isn’t necessary for everyone and if other people choose not to do it it’s their choice. THAT is what people have said so stop distorting reality.
@shopaholic, people speak from their points of view. If that’s considered shoving their beliefs down someone’s throat, then I guess we are ALL guilty of such. We have no control over what someone else does, so if sex is the way they want it, cool.
No one said marriage is a guarantee for anything. What I don’t understand is why we continue to have this debate, and more and more children are being born to broken homes. Our children are lagging behind educationally – many are impoverished, and no fathers in the home (married or unmarried). We can talk all day long about being married vs. not being married and what’s right for us, but it’s not always about US. It’s about what’s in the best interest of the kids, and trust, it’s not looking too good.
Thank You. Agreed.
She’s a beautiful woman with beautiful girls. I really love her last line about the community.
PLEASE STOP THE STEREOYTYPES! BLACK, WHITE, ASIAN, LATINA, ALL WOMEN OF DIFFERENT RACES GO THROUGH DIFFERENT THINGS. STOP SAYING BLACK WOMEN, BECAUSE THE BLACK WOMEN IN MY FAMILY ARE ALL EDUCATED AND MARRIED. THATS RIGHT, MARRIED TO BLACK MEN!
Oh please..most of yall on here don’t even believe in marriage before kids. And I know many Black women that have NEVER been married before but have kids by one or more men..SO yes some Black women do chose to be single mothers by not using birth control, not asking the guy to use a condom, and chosing against abstinence.
Not choosing birth control doesn’t mean u choose to be a single parent, it means you choose to have a child.. smh
“Most of yall on here don’t even believe in marriage before kids” You do realise that you don’t have any proof that “most don’t” and that not everyone has to right?
There are ppl who chose not to use birth control, became pregnant and are not single parents. I don’t think it’s fair to say that someone actually chooses to become a single parent because they didn’t use birth control.
And do the research the majority of Black single mothers have NEVER been married so they never had to worry about their non existing husband leaving them. I guess this is the reason why STD’s, poverty and the “single mother cycle” continues to repeat itself. But like I said above,I don’t look down on single mothers bc they can overcome life challenges but life will be diffcult for them and their kids. I Know bc my mom was one and I became successful.
THERE ARE ALSO PLENTY OF WHITE SINGLE MOTHERS!
Yes there is a whole lot of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Well if you don’t want to be a single mother than try using some form of birth control. There have been birth control out here for decades now but women and young girls continue not to use any. You can even get it for free nowadays. OR better yet, try abstinence..it is the safest way to prevent preganancies and falling prey to being a single mother at any age.
Abstain? C’mon, let’s be real. We are all human and we are sexual creatures. The majority of ppl are having sex and ppl will continue to have sex premarital and marital. She should’ve used contraceptives if she didn’t want to get pregnant. Abstinence is cool and might work for some but if you choose not to, be smart and wrap it up.
People act like they will die if they don’t have sex. I don’t buy that, “We are sexual creates” mantra. Being sexual creatures has gotten many people into a lot of trouble, i.e. unwanted pregnancies, STDs, HIV/AIDS, and low self-esteem after giving it up only to be tossed aside like yesterday’s garbage.
Many women are now abstaining from sex, and it’s been the best thing they’ve ever done. I’ve talked to so many young girls who wished they were virgins. I’ve talked to women who were virgins when they got married (some had husbands who were virgins too) and they have not regetted it in the least.
People keep talking about “wrapping it up.” Well, condoms break, and they do not always protect against all STDs. There’s nothing wrong with zipping it up and keeping our legs closed until the right person comes along or until marriage.
Abstinence will prevent anything from happening.
Being sexual creatures is not what has gotten people into trouble, being careless or uninformed or too lax in their sexual activities is what has gotten them into trouble.
Well, but get this. If they were abstinent, they wouldn’t have to worry about nary. Again, I repeat, even condoms and protection aren’t 100%, but not having sex is.
Amen! Abstinence is 100% safe & VERY realistic! Trust me, I waited until I was 29 & married and that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
You don’t have to buy it but that still doesn’t make it a fallacy. I am in no way against abstinence, what I am against is ppl shoving the fact that you should abstain down our throats. Ppl are going to have sex regardless. You do know that some ppl who consummate their marriage can still contract STDs, HIV/AIDS, and can also develop a low self-esteem even if they were virgins up until marriage, right?
Nothing is wrong with abstaining and to those who abstain, more power to you but don’t expect everyone to do it, there are other choices. If you believe in no sex before marriage that is your choice but understand that not everyone does. We need to educate more and more ppl on contraceptives,prophylactics and pregnancy prevention, so if they do decide to have sex, they can do it the safe way.
Condoms break but this “failure rate” includes cases where the couple did not use a condom every time they had sex, or they did not use the condom correctly. The main reason why condoms fail to prevent pregnancies is incorrect or inconsistent use, not the failure of the condom itself.
There are different reasons why they will break.
That is why we need to educate ppl instead of foolishly preaching “Abstinence alone”. Like shopaholic said, being sexual creatures is not what gets ppl into trouble. Making irresponsible decisions in your sex life is what gets ppl in trouble. Nothing is wrong with being a virgin but nothing is wrong with having sex either (once you are educated, mature enough and safe.)
I get tired of some of you who think it virtually impossible to remain abstinence..well its NOT! There are thousands who do it and I am one of them and proud of it. People who say they can’t are “weak-minded” and “lack self-control” this is the type of thinking that lead many women to become single mothers-mostly minority and Black women/teen girls. I suppose that is the reason why so many Black women and men are leading in having life threatening STD’s and multiple kids with various women. So don’t tell me to “come on” bc I REFUSE to go along with how you think!
@Seriously, cheers to you. I hate when people act as if they will die without sex. I never believed sex was supposed to be a recreational tool anyway, but that’s my belief. When the intended plan for it went away, all the problems started.
To be honest, I wish I had waiting.
I completely agree with you! I’m a 20 year old guy and won’t be having sex until i’m married & i’m still a virgin. There are so many guys my age and older who think that sex is the be all end all. Being raised in a single parent home myself, I’d like to give my kids the experience of having a strong father figure in a happy stable family…
I applaud you, Joseph!!! Stand by YOUR principals and don’t let anyone tell you different. I know it isn’t easy.
Wow Joseph, I expected this from a woman, but a man..never. I also applaud you. I also believe you will be blessed with a woman who is true & worthy of you.
Amen Seriously. I have been celibate for 5yrs. Sure I date & have fun, but I do not miss sex. At first I thought I would, but soon realized, it really isn’t necessary to function. I can get the same feeling from woeking out, laughing a good laugh watching a good movie, etc.
Sex isn’t all that..at all.
I agree, sex is not everything. I am an 18 yr old virgin and loving it. It might be difficult at times but it’s not impossible, and I too hope to stay this way until marriage. Maybe I’m reading too much into what she said but I got the feeling that she blames everyone but herself (she didn’t have a father figure etc). While that could be a contributing factor no one forced her to have sex! However, I am not one to judge, she should use this as a lesson, look at her two precious little girls as blessings and make sure history does not repeat itself when they get to be the same age. God Bless!
Ok. You must have misunderstood what I typed. It is possible to abstain. Who’s saying no? I’m not telling you to do anything but understand that everyone has their own choice to make.
Nothing is wrong with abstaining.”People who say they can’t are “weak-minded” and “lack self-control” this is the type of thinking that lead many women and men to become” judgmental and stereotypical. Why should everyone abstain because you think they should? You don’t want anyone to judge you for the decision you made so why judge because they chose a different route? What about the ppl who are practicing safe sex and have been successful? Not everyone who has sex gets pregnant or gets someone pregnant or contracts an STD, HIV/AIDS.
@What?! I agree 100$
I found out what he was really about after we divorced,
I noticed that but I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you brought it up
, it sounds to me like she didn’t know him before she married him. I believe if you date a person long enough & pay attention to the signs they exhibit, they will show you their true signs.
Now it is quite possible he did a complete change up after they seperated.
So true! People’s true colors don’t remain hidden for too long. I’m pretty sure the red flags were there from the jump.
WELL SHE SEEMS LIKE A GREAT MOTHER! WE NEED TO APPLAUD SOMEONE LIKE HER. SHE HAS BEAUTIFUL GIRLS!