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And My Favorite Child Is…

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by Kesha C. of We Got Kidz

Truth be told, there is scientific evidence that says parents tend to favor one child over another. Last months cover of TIME magazine said it all: “Why Mom Likes You Best“. Inside, TIMES writer Jeffery Kluger explored the primary factors that contribute to the selection of a favorite child.

I’m sure all of us who have siblings have felt the burn of being “picked second” at some point or another. Growing up in my household, I think that the “favored child” title changed from year to year. [I'll admit that I lost the title a majority of my teenage years... but that's an entirely different post - better yet, an entirely different blog.]

Understandably, favoritism from a parent is pretty straight forward: Every parent is different and every kid is different; and they will relate to each other uniquely. This distinctive relationship leads to preferences – Plain and simple.
Those of you with children who are gifted athletically or academically have, I’m sure, felt the guilt of feeling favoritism for that child. Although natural, what matters most isn’t IF your child is your favorite, but whether or not he or she plays that sport or aces that test FOR your favor. Don’t let that happen. Kids need the opportunity to develop their own ego and personality – Not inherit yours.


So between my twins Ari and Jaxon, who’s my favorite?… I don’t have one… yet. [Even though last night, Jaxon was definitely not my favorite. His hand in his soiled diaper and a smack to my arm lost him that coveted spot for the moment.] I, of course don’t have plans to pick a favorite, but I’m sure there will come times where one of my children may do something more favorable than the other. According to Psychology Today, it’s only natural. Ellen Weber Libby, Ph.D., says that wanting to look good in the world and to feel special drives your child’s behaviors; although how far you as the parent goes to achieve this end in your relationship with your child influences whether the experience of being the favorite child is psychologically healthy or potentially destructive. I myself am already striving to maintain some sort of balance. I make sure to always have an equal amount of Ari photos to Jaxon photos displayed throughout the house, and I try to give them each an equal amount of “cuddle time”… But I do praise one over the other if they display exceptional behavior and I believe that that’s okay.

So if you ever catch yourself reciting the refrain, “I love all of my kids equally”, that sounds great and all but I’m pretty sure your children know the truth, and you know what?… It’s okay ;)

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10 COMMENTS

  1. My mom has 3.5 kids she loves all of us equally believe it or not but I promise u I’m hands down her favorite! I will never ever understand how u can have kids and not love and treat them equally! @Kelli learn from it and become a better person and parent from it! @Sherley u know how I feel about u boo I think ur a great mom and I always have a hug :)

    • Thank you misunderstood! That made me smile so wide, my son asked me if I was smoking..(dang boy too much likehis momma). I appreciate that & my arms are always open to a hug from you. :)

      • HAHA..I used to ask my mom if she was taking her “happy pills”…until she said that with having to run around after all of us that she ran out and had to switch to straight booze.

    • I feel bad for you and Ms. Sherley. I wish I could lend you my mom so she could negate some of the hurt your mothers inflicted on you.

    • Ms Sherley, a lot of parents will never understand how their actions will impact a child for life. You’ve mentioned your son so I know you are a better mother to your son than your mother was to you. Maybe that was her legacy. Her BAD made you GOOD.

      In all of our homes there is a mirror by the front door. My mom would hold me up or when I got older I would stand and she would ask me ‘Who is the smartest girl in the world? Who is the prettiest girl in the world? Who is mommy’s favorite girl? Of course I would look in the mirror, point and answer me, me, me. Do you really think I’m her favorite child? My mom did the same thing for my uncle and two older brothers before me. She does the same with my five younger brothers. I’ve seen her do the same with my new niece. Even with us standing right next to each other she made us feel like we were the smartest, prettiest (handsomest) and favorite girl (boy) in the world.

      Her dividends paid off. My uncle and brothers have such a sense of self that has been described as arrogant but they’re not. They are independent and self assured. They know how to love and frankly don’t care who doesn’t like them. Perfect for the profession they are in.

      My mom’s GOOD is paying off. My older brother adopted a baby girl earlier this year and who do you think is standing in front of the mirror now with his baby girl. It’s funny to hear my mom’s words coming out of my brothers mouth… ‘Who is the smartest girl …

      Your mom is sorry now. She may have your love but she doesn’t have your respect and by extension she doesn’t have your sons.

      • Forgot one small thing. Like the author my parents are raising twins, TWO sets!! Both sets are making birthday in January they will be five and two years old respectivly. If they can make us all feel like #1, anybody can.

      • I completely agree! I think all mothers should try and make each child feel special. The article was simply stating that at times, one child may do things that may be more favorable than another child and that it’s okay – and in fact, even healthy for you to recognize that. That doesn’t mean that you love that child any less.

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