Home Mama Guru Are stay at home moms lazy?

Are stay at home moms lazy?

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Anderson Cooper recently added gasoline to the fire of the debate on being a Stay-At-Home Mom versus a Working Mom. The very controversial issue has been the topic of many intense blog discussions and other cyber platforms. A new study found that stay-at-moms are the least happiest out of SAHMs (Stay-at-home moms), working moms and part-time moms. The study also indicates that SAHMs of preschool aged children are at higher rates of depression. Part-time moms are said to be the happiest of the three.

Coopers’ headline for the scheduled show about the debate ran, accidentally, under the title “Are Stay-at-Home Moms Lazy?, Plus Kathie Lee and Hoda” This statement infuriated mothers everywhere and sent the blog world into a frenzy. The blog world was outraged that Cooper would even discuss such a topic on his show.

Everyone has an opinion on what the best option is, but the truth is that every situation is unique and there is no “one stop shop” for being a mother. Every family is different and has different needs and options.

What are your thoughts? Do you think that SAHMs are more likely to be unhappy?

Photo:FCCC

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22 COMMENTS

  1. My thoughts on this topic is this and I agree with the article every situation is different. So Cooper’s analysis is 100% invalid. As a full-time mother, I wish I could be at home more with my daughter and get a lot more things done around the house but I know financially it is impossible. SO really it depends on situation with each family personal, emotional, and financial wise

  2. Your constant presence is very important to your children when they are new to this world therefore stay at home mothers are actually doing the greatest job of all=moulding humans with LOVE. NOTHING REPLACES A MOTHER.

  3. I think some are and some arent. Some people see being a SAHM as a job and some see it as an excuse not to do anything. i notice this with my own circle of friends. Some have their kids home 24/7 if theyre not school age and cook, clean, do the laundry, go for walks, take kids to playgroups and classes and entertain themselves and their kids but some literally sit around all day and do nothing, seeing staying at home as an opportunity to sit around. Some of my friends have the messiest houses, eat junk food and take-away yet their children are in childcare everyday so theres really no excuse not to do anything while others are busy all day long WITH their kids at home. As far as i can tell the moms who do nothing are usually the ones who whinge about having no “me” time while the ones who are busy appreciate the life they have and MAKE me time by doing things that need to be done first. It comes down to the individual and their own views on life.

  4. Our first female Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O’Connor, was also a stay-at -home mom with three young sons for 6 years prior to resuming her legal career.

    Prior to having children (I have a 3 year old and 1 year old), I was a lawyer for 8 years. My husband and I both agreed that I would stay home with our kids until they start pre-school (about 4 years, when the oldest is 4 and the youngest is 2).

    Before I had my children, I too thought that SAHM just stayed home all day and watched tv while they sent their kids off the school and then cooked dinner later in the day and played with their kids in the park! HOW WRONG I WAS.

    Being a SAHM parent is the hardest job in the world! You do not get sick days, you are up at 5am or 6am if you are lucky, then it is round the clock care for your little ones. Here is a sample of my daily schedule!
     5am – wake up and shower before everyone else wakes up
     6am – await the morning wakeup cries from my children
     7am – get kids dressed & breakfast for 3 year old
     8am – take 3 year old to pre-school
     9am – feed 1 year old
     10am – 12p laundry and housework (while 1 year old naps)
     12p – pick up 3 year old at pre-school
     1pm – prepare lunch for both kids
     2pm – eat something
     3 -4pm – home school lessons for kids
     4-5pm – playdate/park with kids
     5pm – start cooking dinner
     6pm – hubby comes home
     7pm – bath time for kids
     7:30 – hubby plays with kids and put them to bed at 8:30
     8:30 – hubby & I eat dinner
     9:30 – watch tv & pass out in bed!
    By the way, I did go back to work for a brief period of 2 months.
    During that time, when I went back to work as a lawyer, I had to hire a nanny for 10 hours a day, at $20 an hour…50 ours a week, so yes, we were paying her $1000 a week.
    I came home at 6pm exhausted from work and then had mommy time with my kids until 10pm and was so exhausted.

    All of you who make disparaging remarks about SAHM and have no kids, wait until you have your own children to pass judgment.

    For the most part, SAHM are just mothers who have decided to stay home with their children, whether it be for 4 years (in my case), 10 years or until they go to college.

    Daycare/Nannies are expensive and many people, especially those of us in NYC, would rather stay home with our children than pay a nanny or daycare $600 a week. Not everyone has willing family members who “help out”!
    Plus, I would not want my child being watched by someone who is “helping out”! I want to nurture and teach my children the life lessons they need to become productive adults.

    On another issue, not all SAHM are White or uneducated.

    I am Black and an Ivy League educated lawyer, who made the decision to be a SAHM mom for 4 years. Harvard even did a study in 2008, that showed that many lawyers and MBAs are opting out of the corporate world, and are using their educational skills, to nurture and teach their children. So don’t hate, appreciate!

  5. No…heck no! A stay-at-home mom is responsible for cooking, cleaning, and caretaking. She is dedicated to taking care of the children and the home. How can anyone in the country label that “lazy”? I’m not a mom, myself, but my mother was a SAHM and she was always busy.

    I’m a feminist and I believe that the essence of women’s rights is the woman having her choice in life, whatever choice that may be, 100% respected and accepted.

  6. SAHMs are for sure not lazy, unless you are not an active or are a neglectful participant in your child’s care. The bonding experience is something that can not be had by not spending quality and quantity time with your child. Granted some are not able to stay at home, which is understandable. One should really think seriously about why they are having children in the first place before doing so. Whether, or not, you are a SAHM, parenting is a 24/7 responsibility. For the record, I am very educated (3 college degrees)and had worked 20+ years prior to becoming a SAHM to a 2.5 year old daughter. Believe me, this is the most difficult, but most rewarding “job” or experience I have ever had. With an outside “job” one gets to call in sick, take a vacation and eventually retire. Once a parent, you are one for life.

  7. Stay at home moms are not lazy, I don’t believe in being a stay at home mom, because I believe all women should have a career and be able to hold there own. Being a stay at home is not a goal or aspiration when you ask a little girl what she wants to be when she grows up she is not going to say I want to be a house wife. This world is full of opportunities, why stay at home and take care of babies? Go out and make something of yourself. I am a mom and I went to college and I work and I hope my daughter does the same when she is an adult, at the end of the day I feel a great deal of satisfaction knowing I went out and worked and I have a paycheck with my name on it.

    • @keisha

      I am an *aspiring* professional writer & poet and am not married or a mother, but I truly disagree with you on a couple of things. As a feminist, I believe that excluding illegal activity, all life choices a woman makes has validity and worth.

      A woman being a homemaker and choosing to devote her life to family and domestic life is a perfectly legitimate aspiration. It is as legitimate and wonderful as a woman becoming a writer, or a physician, or a lawyer, etc. It IS “making something out of yourself”! It’s a little hurtful to see comments like this because in this society, we as women should support each other in whatever we choose to do, as long as it does not harm others.

    • I completely disagree with the original poster here. I remember asking a girl in college what she wanted to be, and she said more than anything she wanted to be a wife & mother. Maybe that train of thought is alien to some, but there are people out there like that.

      There are also MANY women who home school their children. Many of them went to college and take educating their child seriously. We all know the career ladies are doing a lot, but don’t give Moms at home the short end of the stick either. My mom worked 12 hour shifts when I was growing up, and she now says the biggest regret of her life was not staying home & being a parent to her children. It would have been a sacrifice to survive only on my dad’s salary, but in her words it would have been worth it.

      • Haha, I’m 15 and I HATE it when people ask me what I want to be when I grow up. Because I feel like my answer isn’t good enough for anyone: a wife and mommy :)

    • It’s these attitudes that really hurt women. “Go out and make something of myself?” Is caring for another human being not enough in this world? Is my only value in being able to earn money? WOW. I’m college educated and a stay at home and PROUD OF IT. My education is not a waste because it is knowledge that I can pass on to my children. I am proud to be home when my children get home from school, proud to be a wife to my husband and proud to “take care of babies.” Why should I go out and leave my family to be raised by someone else? So we can have a bigger television or a fancier car? Absolutely not. I am not ashamed that I stay home with the children and I’m far from lazy!

  8. When I have my future kids I don’t think the stay at home part will work. Back to work i will go after my six weeks, not breastfeeding either. But to each it’s own!

  9. I am a stay @ home mom and I don’t agree with the lazy stigma. I clean house, do laundry,cook, iron. I run household errands.I have a child with sickle cell anemia, so I spend a large portion of my time with him @ doctor’s appointments and in the hospital.

  10. I don’t think stay at home moms are lazy at all! I am a busy full time attorney and mother of 6yo, 2yo, and 4 week old, I am more depressed and stressed on the weekends after being a CEO mom. My husband would be a good stay at home dad though! He isn’t stressed hanging with kids!

  11. I don’t ever want to be a stay-at-home mom. Granted I don’t have any kids yet, but my husband and I are both okay with my decision to not be a long term SAHM. I will likely stay home shortly after having my children but I can’t see myself spending 24/7 with my kids. Even if it means they go off to daycare for half the day, I’ll need some “ME” time. Motherhood is great and beautiful but I don’t want it to be my life. I still want to have a life outside of having children and a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to have much of an identity outside of raising their kids. Not saying its a bad thing but certainly not something I’d want to do.

    • Being a stay at home mom is fine if: you are financially able to provide for your family. Without any type of government assistance: foodstamps, wick, daycare and housing assistance or a welfare check. If any or all of these are needed long-term, then parent(s) need to work.

  12. Being a stay at home mom is a job just like a “working” mom. When did staying at home mean that you don’t work? Because I am a believer in God’s word, being a stay at home mother is recorded in the bible as the virtuous woman. If you are doing what you are supposed to be doing staying home does not mean just sitting around getting nothing done. I am so tired of the negativity that sahms get because they would rather be in their homes taking care of their families. My mom was a “working” mother but would have preferred to be at home for her family. In no way do I disregard what women who work outside their home do, but the same respect should be given to those who work in their home. And I do not mean having a business or working for someone else in their home, but working for their family so they can be happy.

  13. No we r not lazy we cook, clean, take care of the kids. I myself is a stay @ home mom. N having kids is a FULL TIME JOB alone ! Wen my husband comes home he has everything prepared for him. Bath ran, cooked meal, n everything else that comes along w/ the territory ! Having a husband w/ kids is alot but i wouldnt trade it for the world. But as my kids get older i will b working part-time as well !

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